Deep Roots, Strong Branches

Every two or three years, I am invited to a celebration in Regent Park. Heading over to our big park, I see a cluster of colourful headscarves, and on arrival, I discover a group of some fifteen to twenty immigrant women, along with some of their younger children. As they greet one another and fill their plates from a picnic table laden with delicious samosas and biryani, tuna balls and tandoori chicken, they are delighted to see their friends. But not until their guest of honour appears does their excitement fully burst forth – for the focus of these festivities is Karen Thorpe.

As I reflect on these celebrations, I keep wondering: Why do these women remember Karen so fondly years after she has retired? What was so special about Yonge Street Mission’s Women and Family Program back when she worked there from 1999 to 2011? So I begin by phoning Karen in Vancouver, where she now lives. I also contact five women who were active in the group back then: Mathi Sivaruban, Raheema Majeed, Raji Karunakaran, Shirin Akther Seema, and Uttara Chowdhury. From these various conversations, I begin to comprehend the power of a healthy community.

I ask Karen what she was seeking to accomplish in this group. She responds with words like being responsive to the needs and aspirations of the women, honouring these young mothers, and enabling them to recognize their strengths. Her program allowed women to choose from various short-term sessions such as parenting, computers, nutrition, exercise, and ESL. Karen and her small team also ran a preschool program, ensuring that their little ones were learning too. On frequent occasions, the entire group would come together for celebrations: International Women’s Day, an annual fashion show, a summer trip to Toronto Island, and a two-day overnight camp. These provided opportunities for the women not only to develop skills in planning and organizing, performing and public speaking, but also to relax and enjoy themselves.

When I ask Karen what made the program so successful, she pauses, thinks carefully, and finally decides – “I did a lot of deep listening.” One-on-one, Karen would listen to the often-overwhelming situations these young moms were facing. She offered empathy and care, strength and wisdom – traits developed not just through her degrees in psychology and early childhood studies but, more significantly, through her own sixty years of life experience. Karen also offered practical support, accompanying women to immigration hearings, supporting their advocacy with the housing authority, and passing along used baby clothes and strollers.

So, as I talk with my five women, many tell me how Karen became their Canadian mother. “Even better than my mother,” jokes Uttara, “because I always felt affirmed by Karen.” But Uttara also tells me how she arrived in the group feeling inundated and helpless. Her husband had been called back to India on a family emergency just before the birth of their first child, which left her alone in a new country with a new baby. Others tell even more dire stories of marriages devastated by addictions, mental health, and even abuse. In all of their struggles, Karen’s “deep listening” helped these women put down roots of resiliency, confidence, and self-esteem.

Many of the women speak of this group as transformative. Mathi, for example, delights in the independence she has now developed: “At first, I never left the house without my husband. Now I can go anywhere by myself.” Others revel in the fact that they could earn extra cash through the catering group and other jobs – their own money that they could spend as they pleased, usually on their children. Many speak about multiculturalism: how the group provided their first opportunity to make friendships across the boundaries of ethnicity, race, and religion. What they gained was not just a mother but a family from around the world.

Since Karen’s retirement, these women have continued to grow. Shirin, encouraged by Karen, persists in her love of sewing, even while working and raising four children. She keeps Karen’s picture on her phone to remember, amidst current struggles, the support she received back then. Raheema, who worked in the preschool, now provides daycare for her four grandchildren, and Raji, serving as a Community Support Worker, was able to bring her experience to a subsequent women’s group.

And there are more stories. Mathi, with her passion for children – a love which Karen helped nourish – now works with the little ones in a shelter for abused immigrant women. Through her own story of transformation, she can encourage these vulnerable young moms. And Uttara, at Karen’s urging, went for further training and has almost completed her Bachelor’s Degree in Human Rights and Diversity Studies. Currently, she works in a nearby women’s drop-in as a Mental Health and Addictions Support Worker. “I never dreamt that I could tackle this kind of work,” she explains, “but I love my job.”

What thrills me even more is that these women's stories are already shaping the next generation. Mathi’s daughter has just completed her degree as a Community Youth Worker, while Raheema’s daughter, having finished her training, now works to build community through another of our local agencies. Indeed, these immigrant mothers, supported by Karen’s listening, put down deep roots that I believe will continue to bear fruit in Regent Park for years to come.