12 days of Xmas

December 2019

1 2 D A Y S O F X M A S // while pregnant.

On the 1st day of Xmas my true love gave to me… unwanted, undesirable and very noticeable facial and body hair in all the areas we can’t reach well enough to manage.

On the 2nd day of Xmas my true love gave to me.. lightning crotch pains, niggly belly pains and old lady back pains.

On the 3rd day of Xmas my true love gave to me.. the disgusting power of super smell so that the BO of every person in a 100m radius assaults my nostrils.

On the 4th day of Xmas my true love gave to me.. swollen ankles, fat fingers and enormous boobs. All the fluid!

On the 5th day of Xmas my true love gave to me.. the need to pee every 15minutes, a UTI and unwanted boob leakage.

On the 6th day of Xmas my true love gave to me.. the most unmanageable heartburn that feels like a volcano erupting right up my oesophagus.

On the 7th day of Xmas my true love gave to me.. itchy, growing skin that cannot be eased by any amount cream, meds or scratching.

On the 8th day of Xmas my true love gave to me.. a whole festive season that still needs to be enjoyed without the help of alcohol, soft cheese or cold meats.

On the 9th day of Xmas my true love gave to me.. hot, sleepless nights full of discomfort and an inability to find a comfy position.

On the 10th day of Xmas my true love gave to me.. a whole bunch of extra sweat from places we didn’t even know could sweat.

On the 11th day of Xmas my true love gave to me.. the weakest of all bladders – no laughing, sneezing, coughing or festive cheer for me.

On the 12th day of Xmas my true love gave to me.. mood swings, unreasonable tantrums and crying over the littlest things - be it happy, sad or bloody otherwise.

Bring on the festive season for all your fellow mummas up the duff 😏