Stranger in me

The photo on the left is a selfie that I sent to my girlfriend, it was on a night that i was working and I just didn't wanna be there, i was not feeling good and there was a lot of work to be done that day. It was a Sunday and on Sunday's we have to do planograms, wall changes, new cover art for games, different organization and so much more. The photo doesn't represent who i am as a person, like most photographs they represent the feelings in the photo, for example I'm feeling sad and upset. That doesnt show the whole picture, through out that day i was stressed about school, homework, a regional coming up, the time, my dog because he got into chocolate. So the selfie doesn't really show any of my other feelings except sadness. I am very self conscious about my weight lately, I have started to go to the gym recently, and have been trying to lose weight. I bring this up because in the second photo i have my shirt off and I'm with my girlfriend, in a normal selfie i would never have my shirt off, the idea of being judged is to much more me to handle so i would never post a picture like that. over the last 2 years I have gained a total of fifty pounds, and I'm afraid my weight is gonna start to affect my health. One big truth about the photo on the right, is I'm only comfortable around people who except me for who i am. My girlfriend is one of these people, she has been with my through my biggest downfall and my greatest uprising. we have been together for 4 years now and have been happy. There have been some up's and down's as with every relationship, but I feel ours is special and i believe you can see that in the photo with her in it. we are both smiling looking at the camera and having a great night. The mask I wear on the left photo is one of a liar. I have deceived people who trust me and hurt others who have put faith in me. the person you see in that picture is not a person who looks so bad. I have broken up relationships out of jealousy, lied about stealing, and have been to the police station not as a visitor but as a criminal. that is the mask i wear on the left photograph. On the right photo graph you get the complete opposite, my girlfriend always tells me i like so innocent, but she knows I'm not because I don't wear a mask around here and I'm not scared to be who I am when I'm with her. He makes me happy and makes me feel as if i could do anything in the world. The person on the left is someone who has an average job and life average life. while the person on the right is someone who loves video games, hanging out with people, is a massive anime fan, and i person who just wants to be involved with people and events. The person on the right just wants to fit in and feel like he has someone he can trust without any doubt in his mind. He wants to be the guy you can talk to about anything big or small, he is the type of guy to listen to problems when they occur and is the type of guy in give advice based upon the problem. He is the guy that plays Yu-gi-oh and loves it. Some day i want people to be able to see the real me and know that i mean well and just want to be friends, i want to hang out and just not have to worry about problems. The left image is a version of me that i wish i could forget about. That person is like an alter ego, he only comes out in public and hides away while hes home or with his girlfriend. I can compare him to Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Doctor Jekyll is the person on the right, which is my true self the one that is normal and loving and caring. While the person on the left is one of pure evil and someone who should be erased for existence. Sontag states that " a photograph states and in controvertible that a given thing happened . The picture may distort; but there is always the presumption that something exists , which is like whats in the picture." I find this statement to be true to a point. yes there could be something in the picture and yes something does exists, but what exists inside in dependent on who is looking at the picture. a photograph is like art, the artist has a set perception on the piece of work that they did, but when the item reaches a museum or a collector obtains the piece of art they can perceive the art completely different. Which is why I believe that pictures or art in general can be seen so many different ways, which is why i think Sontag in correct and incorrect at the same time. The final things i want to say about these photos, is look at expressions on both of them. you can tell one is fake while the other is real. the reason why I say this is because the emotions on the left are not how I really feel. The emotions I really feel could spin the world on its head, the whole world could go into chaos. The picture on the left is just a way for me to show how fake i was being. although i did want to leave work and i was upset about being there, I wasn't really sad. I just rather be someplace else. just like how i feel with school. no one really likes school but it is a necessary evil. MY feelings on the right are pure and happy, they show how i really feel when I'm around my girlfriend, they show the amount of joy and love that she makes me feel. honestly ever since we met 4 years ago, my mask has started to peel off layers. I'm not the sad angry asshole I use to be (excuse my language), I don't go out of my way to destroy relationships, I don't try to hurt the people who love me and trust me the most. She helped me realize the consequences of my actions. She helped me break out of the loner shell and get out there and find a job i love to do. She helped me stop being the person behind the mask and show my true self. She knows what I am capable of and she knows that if I do my best and work toward anything I can be the person on right all the time. I can depend on her to peel that mask off little by little. She is there to support me and is there when I need her. those are the major differences behind both those two photos. I am ashamed of the person on the left and the person that I used to be, i want to leave all of that behind and think of a better future one where I don't have the mask on and I don't have to be that fake person. That is the stranger behind the mask and that is how I think of myself