Pairing Is Caring

Imagine going to your favorite shoe store and seeing the perfect pair of shoes . You look at them and instantly see potential. At that moment you imagine the outfit you will pair them with and you may even know the event you want to wear them to so you can show them off. Without giving it a second thought, you take the shoes off the rack and take them to the register. When you are driving home, so excited to wear your new pair of shoes, it hits you. You forgot to try the shoes on! “Oh well,” you think to yourself, “I got my usual size so it should be fine .” You get home and quickly open the box to try them on. Uh-oh…they don’t fit! Frustration and regret start to fill your head. All the potential you saw in the shoes, all the outfit ideas, and all the excitement you felt at the store goes out the window. Eventually you realize that although the shoes were your size , many shoes are designed differently and it’s not as simple as one size fits all. Now you have the shoes but you have no connection with them anymore. Maybe you return them, maybe you exchange them for a new size or even a new pair. You learned a valuable lesson that just because something works once or twice, does not mean it will always work that same way.

As in the shoe analogy, there is not one size fits all template when working with learners. Every learner is different: they have different motivations, different reinforcers, different ways of learning, and usually different pairing preferences. Just because you may have experience doing things one way does not mean every learner will relate. In order to pull off that perfect connection you have to try the shoes on, so to speak, or spend time pairing with your learner before any of the routine ABA instructions can take place and be effective.

So what is pairing? To put simply, it’s when you engage in all sorts of fun activities with the learner in order to build a positive relationship. You follow the learner's lead and play his/her favorite games and toys. You become the ultimate reinforcer or the giver of all good things to the learner. When you take the time to pair with your learner, he /she will see you the same way he /she sees a favorite toy and activity . In order for therapy to be effective, the learner must have a good relationship with you and feel safe, and pairing allows us to do this. The learner will not only accept your presence, but want to engage with you, and will be more likely to comply with instructional demands.

It is important to note that children of all ages learn a great deal through play. Although at first glance it may seem like all you are doing is playing, don’t look at pairing as unprofessional or unproductive. Instead, look at it as an opportunity for you to get to know the learner and for the learner to get to know you. This was something I struggled with as a new RBT. I was eager to get into the “real ABA stuff” ,as I called it. To me ABA was supposed to be structured table work, working on targets and goals- not piggy back rides and toy cars . I quickly learned that as an RBT you are the person who should be known to provide access to the learner's favorite reinforcement and he/she should be happy to see you. Another important note is that pairing is not a one and done deal in the first session or two. Pairing should be done daily and throughout sessions as motivations change with learners often.

My Keys to successful pairing:

• Have fun, don't be afraid to be a kid again. If you are not enjoying yourself, odds are your learner isn’t either.

• Have fun x 2 and let your learner’s motivation lead the way . If the learner likes cars, guess what YOU also love cars . Be enthusiastic, be playful, and embed lots of fun and smiles into your sessions!

• Do not make demands, give directions, or ask questions. Instead of asking the question, “What color car do you have?” lean towards “ You have a red car” or “I love playing with cars!”

• Slowly take control of the session after initial pairing by taking control of reinforcing items/activities and require the learner to follow easy demands before getting access to them.

It may take a few hours, a few days, or even a week or more, but once you have determined that you are sufficiently paired with your learner, do not stop pairing!! Pairing is essential to building and maintaining the positive rapport needed to foster a healthy therapeutic environment where new skills are learned!

By Learning My Way ABA, RBT