Leaders and Self Care
Jacob J. Oller
PATH503
2/24/24
What is Self Care?
Self care is the practice of taking time, energy, resources, and focus for oneself. The pastor must be willing to apply self cae. Self care in the context of pastoral ministry can include many common practices such as personal Bible reading, prayer, and quiet time. It can also include uncommon practices such as fasting, long periods of isolation, sabbatical years, and vacations. Self care is an important part of the life of the pastor, as a lack of self care will inevitably lead to burn out. Burn out is when the pastor no longer has the drive, desire, or ability (usually mentally or spiritually) to continue pastoring. This occurs when the pastor pours himself out without being poured into. That pouring into is known as the practices of self care.
The Bible on Self Care
First Timothy 3
The Bible is clear that the pastor must be of good character, a sound mind, and a healthy relationship with the Lord in order to be qualified for the ministry. The elder requirements of First Timothy 3 clearly communicate those expectations. The pastor must desire the work, be above reproach, a one-woman man, sober, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not violent or quarrelsome, gentle and able to manage his own household, not greedy or a recent convert, and generally thought of well by outsiders. All of these requirements have the underlying expectation that the pastor will be taking care of oneself. When the pastor does not give himself personal time with the Lord, he will become spiritually dry from pouring himself out and resort to unhealthy means of release, especially through sexual affairs and drunkenness. Pastors who are in the process of becoming burnt out due to stress without relief will become angry, violent, out of control, and generally not in good report from outside communities. The pastor can not do the work of the ministry well without self care, as self care protects the spiritual, mental, and physical health of the pastor to continue pouring himself out to the congregation. Now, what else does the Bible say about self care? How can the pastor take care of himself practically, following after the example of other biblical leaders?
Practical Self Care
Three of the most important principles of self care are the emphasis on healthy emotions, identity, and rest. These are three of the most pressing and yet also most ignored aspects of self care on the ministry scene today. Pastors are often expected to pour out without being poured back into. Pastors must be honest with their emotions in order to deal with them in healthy ways. Pastors must place their identity in the Lord rather than in what they accomplish. Lastly, pastors must have protected time to rest, spurred out of an identity in the Lord, rather than accomplishment.
Pastors must learn to express their true emotions and deal with them in a healthy manner. The Psalms are full of the raw emotions of God’s people. Psalms are composed of fears, mourning, anger, joy, and a multitude of other emotions. The Psalms are a perfect example of reverently expressing one’s emotions. The biggest take-away from the Psalms in this area is the practice of expressing one’s true emotions before the Lord. This has two important parts.
First, the pastor must express how they are actually feeling. The pastor must learn the art of reverently expressing how they feel about their situations and about their God. Now, all feelings can be expressed reverently. If one feels irreverent about their emotions, there is an underlying way to reverently express their emotions. For example, a pastor whose church is quickly shrinking may be fighting anger toward God, but their emotion which underlies the anger is a feeling that God has abandoned them. The irreverent emotion (anger) is brought about through a feeling that God has abandoned them. The Psalms have plenty of examples of asking the Lord why He has abandoned the Psalmist. One should be able to communicate their underlying emotions.
Second, the individual should communicate and admit their emotions before the Lord. Bringing one’s emotions to the Lord means the emotions are not being left how they are. The pastor in the previous example should admit their feelings that God has abandoned them to God Himself. He should express his feelings of abandonment, and then ask that God would address those feelings directly, through His Word, His Spirit, and His people. Without the examination that comes through this self care practice, the pastor may have continued to fester in his anger and bitterness toward God. However, expressing one’s feelings reverently and bringing them before the Lord will lead to those feelings being dealt with directly. The pastor who brings his fear of God abandoning him to the Lord can address those feelings, rather than sitting with his destructive feelings of anger toward God.
Next, the pastor must have their identity placed in the Lord. Often, the pastor is faced with the temptation to view success in their ministry as conflated with their achievement. For this kind of pastor, they would see opening a new ministry department as a measurement of their success in ministry. It is often confusing to know the difference in where one places their success, as opening a new ministry department can seem like such a clear determiner of success. However, contrary to what it would seem, that is not a proper measurement of success in ministry.
This problem is understood through the life and ministry of Jeremiah. A character study of the man Jeremiah will be helpful for this discussion. Jeremiah was a prophet called by God to preach repentance to the people of Judah. If the people listened to Jeremiah and repented, God would save them from their enemies. If the people would not repent, God would hand them over to the Babylonians, into exile. They would remain there for 70 years, with no hope of escape, and they should prepare for the long exile. Jeremiah’s ministry did not cause people to repent. The people of Judah did go into exile under the Babylonians. Jeremiah’s words were not heard by the people. There were no new ministries opened up through the preaching of Jeremiah. Hardly anyone, if anyone at all, was saved from Babylon due to the preaching of Jeremiah.
However, even though the Judahites did not repent under the preaching of Jeremiah, Jeremiah was still successful in his ministry. Jeremiah faithfully preached the very words of God. Those words were written down as the inspired Word, which certainly labels Jeremiah’s preaching as faithful to what God intended to say. Jeremiah was faithful in what he did, but the people he preached to were not faithful. The response of other people is not a measurement of the faithfulness of the pastor. The identity of the pastor must be placed in God, not in the achievement of the pastor. The pastor’s success is based on how faithfully they follow where the Lord is calling, not how the people react to their faithfulness.
Finally, the pastor must learn to appreciate the protection of having a Sabbath. The Sabbath in the Old Testament is a protected day of rest for the people of Israel to seek relationship with the Lord. The Sabbath was mandatory for the people of Israel to follow, with disobedience punished by death. God saw the Sabbath as an important part of the Old Testament Law for His people. The Sabbath was implemented as a form of protected rest. All people were required to have rest. The pastor must learn to appreciate this. All people must have rest. No person can work seven days a week while remaining spiritually, mentally, and physically healthy. The pastor must acknowledge their own weakness and their inability to work every day. The pastor must be willing to trust that the Lord will continue to carry out His mission without the constant aid of the pastor. The pastor must learn to rest as a regular part of their rhythm.
The Impactfulness of the Course
There are three things which have impacted me the most throughout this course. These three are the comments on self care’s necessity in pastoral ministry (and the life of the Christian in general), the importance of exercise and diet, and the importance of placing one’s identity in Christ. Self care is necessary for all pastors, and if they do not practice self care they will inevitably burn out. Burning out is not a matter of if, but when, when it comes to ignoring one’s self care needs. Diet and exercise are needed in order to take care of one’s body, which is an essential aspect of self care. Without taking care of one’s body, one can not properly take care of one’s mind, which is greatly impacted by the care of the body. Finally, the Christian must place their identity in Christ, not in the achievement of work. If they place their identity in their achievement, they will end up seeking achievement for validation and be unable to rest (resting would interrupt their achievement), which will also lead to burnout.
The Necessity of Self Care
Self care is an absolute essential in the life of the Christian. Self care is taking care of one’s mind, body, and spirituality. Self care is often seen as a selfish act, as it prioritizes the practice of caring for oneself, rather than giving one’s energy solely to others. However, as seen in the previous section, self care is an essential part of the life of the Christian.
When self care is not properly protected, the Christian will burn out. Burning out will come when the individual does not take care of themself. Burnout is when the individual has lost their drive, specifically of their ministry calling in this context. Burnout for the pastor would likely look like a loss of desire for working in ministry, and a difficulty continuing in the field. They lose empathy for those around them, they lose desire to do the administrative work, and this kind of ministry burnout will likely leak into other areas of their life. This is the result of desperately needing self care, but not giving it to oneself. The body, mind, and spirit will shut down until they are taken care of. Burnout will likely have lasting consequences to the individual which are not easily able to be forgotten. Self care is the practice of keeping burnout at bay, which is done through the care of the body, the spirit, and the mind.
The care of the body is absolutely needed for self care. Often, when individuals think of self care, they think of only taking care of the mind and spiritual matters. However, the mind is very dependant on the state of the body. When one feels physically miserable, their mind will also follow suit. The way of avoiding this kind of mental burnout is by taking care of the body. This will be visited in a later section.
The care of the mind is also absolutely essential for self care. When the mind is not taken care of, the individual may feel mentally exhausted. This will lead to a decreased ability to empathize with other individuals, a decreased ability to be creative in the workplace, to practice problem solving skills, and much other fallout. The individual who does not take care of their mental state will not be able to succeed in mental tasks. When a person does not take care of their mind, it will break down. This is a very simple concept that is not often appreciated, especially by those in ministry. The mind must be used like a muscle. The mind should be exercised, but the mind also must be given rest. Just as a muscle should be exercised and rest in order to grow, the mind must be exercised and given rest in order to grow. When the individual uses their mind without any sort of break, their mind will not be able to function well. What this most often looks like is the pastor taking on as much responsibility as humanly possible, before eventually losing all time for self care. When the castle of self care is not guarded, busyness will break through the gates and storm the castle. Busyness is likely one of the most common methods the pastor pushes self care out of the picture. When the pastor fills their schedule with busyness and does not give themself time to rest their mind they will eventually break down. The mind needs rest.
Finally, the pastor must exercise self care in the form of spiritual care. Similarly to the self care of giving the mind rest, the spirit of the individual must be given rest. Spirit in this context refers to the spiritual relationship between man, other people, and God. When the individual leaves no time for personal connection with God and only gives themself spiritually to other people, they will become spiritually dry. The pastor must be filled up by the Lord spiritually in order to pour into other people. If the pastor does not give themself time to enjoy the presence of the Lord apart from any ministry necessity or obligation, they will spiritually burn out, and not be able to serve others. They will become spiritually dry and react accordingly, with a quickly growing sense of spiritual darkness, which can only be remedied through intimate time with the Lord. Practicing self care and protecting special time between the pastor and the Lord is key to not burning out spiritually.
Exercise and Diet
The second most important thing which was emphasized in the class is the need for physical exercise and diet. As mentioned before, physical self care is likely the most neglected aspect of self care. However, the individual needs to take care of their body in order to take proper care of the mental and spiritual state. In my experience, individuals in the church see their bodies as evil. Though they may want to take care of their mental and spiritual state, the physical state is often seen as something which does not need to be taken care of, because it is only a temporary body. However, proper stewardship of the individual means taking care of the body the Lord has given them. Taking care of the body is both faithful to what the Lord has given, and helps to take care of the mental and spiritual state of the individual.
Exercise and diet seems to be a neglected part of spirituality in the church, but it is absolutely essential. As such, the following gives examples of physical care through diet and exercise. There are many methods of dieting which are both popular and appropriate for the Christian. The Christian does not need to punish their body by not enjoying the food the Lord has made, but the Christian also should not indulge in gluttony and other methods of physically harming the body through food. Cutting down on sugars is one popular way to diet, and can have great effects. I have personally done this in the past, and I can say it has shown very promising results in terms of making my body feel better. Additionally, the Christian could, if needing to, practice the Whole 30 method of dieting, which is a radical form of dieting which aims to help with inflammation. Dieting can be a very simple way of introducing self care of the body to the Christian.
Additionally, physical self care can be introduced through exercise. As outlined in the course, many adults are not physically active, which may lead to a shortened life span, in addition to a decreased quality of life. There are many simple ways to implement physical activity in to the life of the Christian. One of the most simple ways is to go on walks around the neighborhood. This can be a method of physical, mental, and spiritual self care, as the individual has private time with the Lord, a break from work, and the advantage of being physically active. In fact, it seems Jesus Himself practiced something like this when He practiced walking up a mountain to pray and be with the Lord. In this, Jesus was practicing personal private time with the Lord in addition to physical activity.
Identity
The final topic covered by the class which especially stood out ot me is the identity of the Christian. Many Christians do not place their identity in the Lord, but rather place their identity in what they do. I know I have been guilty of this in the past. The individuals feel their worth as a Christian is measured by what they can accomplish. Thai is one of the greatest lies of ministry and one of the reasons so many Christian shave a hard time with self care and rest. Rest and self care do not seem to add to the accomplishments of the Christian, so they are ignored in favor of other activities which directly contribute to their accomplishments. However, as mentioned previously, the accomplishments of the Christian are not the measurement of their success, nor are accomplishments the proper place for the identity of the Christian.
The Christian must place their identity in the Lord. When their identity is placed in the Lord, accomplishment and achievement are not the measurement of their faithfulness. Rather, the measurement of their faithfulness is who they are in the Lord. Faithfulness is measured by the relationship they have with the Lord, which is also their measurement of success. Spiritual success is not measured as the world would have it measured (accomplishment), but rather with the individual’s relationship with Christ. When the identity of the Christian is firmly placed in the Lord, rest and self care directly contribute to their success. Success, as measured by relationship with Jesus, is made greater by rest and self care, which protects the relationship with the Lord. When identity is placed elsewhere, self care and rest will be pushed out.
Implementation
I intend on implementing every part of this class to my personal life. Self care, accountability, self reflection, and rest all are incredibly important for someone who desires to go into ministry. While I have never been in church leadership, the places I have worked and served have shown themself to be places where I will be drained if I do not practice self care. Thankfully, during a very difficult part of my life a year and a half ago, I was forced to depend on self care and learn to place my identity in the Lord. Many of the practices in this class already have some place in my life, but there are three practices I would like to especially strive for.
Trauma
One of the most common themes discovered in my day-to-day through self reflection has been the acknowledgement of trauma responses. Now, trauma in this context does not have to mean an event that would be considered trauma by everyone. Rather, a trauma response is understood to be a response to a situation which is wildly discongruent with what a proper response should look like. Trauma responses often manifest themself in a fight-or-flight response which falsely conflates a current safe situation with a past dangerous situation.
The first step in understanding my own trauma responses has been simply acknowledging that they exist, and telling my fiance when I am having a response to a situation which is not congruent with the situation. The ability to be transparent and have a foundation of understanding toward trauma responses has been a great help in dealing with trauma responses. Trauma responses for me often look like flight, rather than fight. I will often shut down when faced with a similar-feeling situation to a past dangerous situation.
Now, it is important to note that I do not look back on the “traumatic experience” as something that I would expect would have such a serious grasp on me so long after. However, after reflect, I believe I can accurately identify a trauma response with a specific event or set of events which bring up the feelings of a dangerous situation, even when I do not look back on them as dangerous when I am outside of the trauma response.
After recognizing the trauma response, the next step is to take a break. Trauma responses are not congruent to the current situation. Earlier this week I had what I believe to by my most serious trauma response ever, which was what I believe to be a panic attack for nearly an hour, with a difficult few hours afterward trying to fight entering back into that state of fear. Even writing about it now is difficult, and causes a feeling of fear and a need to flee the situation. Due to the system I already had begun to implement, I was able to quickly explain to my fiance (who I had been speaking to) that I was having a trauma response and needed a break from the conversation. After recognizing the trauma response, it is key to take a break from the situation. The feelings of fight or flight are not pertinent to the situation, so one must not attempt to act on those feelings, whether they be fight or flight. One may be tempted to flee from a situation as a proper response, as I was, but the magnitude of flight does not correspond to the situation. The Christian must (1) acknowledge their trauma response and understand it does not correspond to the actual situation at hand, (2) inform the other person about what is going on, and (3) take a break from the situation.
Thankfully, I had a system in place where I was able to quickly explain what I was feeling with accurate vocabulary through previous reflection on the explanation from the class. After taking a break from the conversation for an hour or so, we were able to briefly revisit it, make the needed changes we were discussing for the immediate future, and then deal with the fallout of the trauma response. If I did not have the system of recognizing a trauma response, informing her on what was happening, and taking a break from the situation, the conversation likely would have ended very poorly. Having a plan and the vocabulary for talking about a trauma response is incredibly important.
Limits
Limits is another area where I am growing and using the principles set forward in this class. The implementation of limits must grow out of a proper self identity. When the identity of the Christian is placed in their achievement, they will have a significantly difficult time separating themself from their work and recognizing their limits. This kind of work mindset will not allow for rest when the individual is validated through achievement. When the identity of the Christian is in the Lord and what He has done for them, the Christian can safely recognize their limits and where they can not go any further.
Limits in my life include rest, understanding my finitude, taking up hobbies, spiritual formation, and a focus on personal relationships. First, one special limitation in my life is that I know I need rest. I can not work as hard as possible without any rest. When I am able to rest, I have found I am able to give myself much more fully to my work. Rest can look like many things, though for my rest most clearly looks like a vacation, weekly rest, and daily rest. Due to my school schedule I am able to take a few-week vacation every four months at the end of the semester. The way my classes and school come together, I am constantly changing what I am working on, and my schedule is given breaks every few months. This kind of changing of work allows for a renewed passion and break from the previous kind of work. This kind of break allows for a vacation, which I have found to be especially helpful. The class’ stress on this kind of break (in addition to the pastoral interview’s focus on this point) will help to solidify this as a regular practice into the future.
Additionally, each week I seek to have at least a 5 hour Sabbath. Five hours does not sound very long, but it is a conscious act of rest in a busy schedule. As mentioned before, I must not make busyness a reason to not have rest. However, I also practice daily rest. This has been through a few-hour phone call with my long-distance fiance, spending time with her on weekends, enjoying friends in the evening after work, and recently taking up a hobby.
The last few months my main hobby has been the Capstone project, but due to the stress from this class and the pastoral interview on taking up a hobby, I have taken up gardening. Now, I live in a dorm room on a college campus, so my space for gardening is limited. However, I have gone to great lengths to make space and have the proper resources to make an indoor garden, even though it is winter with snow outside (the college sits at the top of a mountain). This kind of hobby has shown itself to be something I am able to look forward to relaxing doing each evening. I would not have taken up a hobby which did not relate to school or work if there was not such an emphasis on taking a break from obligations. Gardening has been a fantastic implementation into my spiritual and mental health, as I am given time alone to appreciate the complexity of God’s creation and enjoy doing something not relating to work and school.
The practice of a hobby and resting daily, weekly, and in between seasons has been inspired by the stress placed on the limits of the individual in this class. The acknowledgement of limits has pushed me to practice these disciplines, as well as plan other special methods of rest including dates with my fiance (as inspired by the pastoral interview on self care) and hosting events in my dorm as a form of socializing. These practices are directly related to the emphasis on rest from this class.
Accountability
The final significant application of this class has been through the emphasis of accountability. The spiritual leader is not exempt from sin. However, they must be willing to acknowledge sin and seek to overcome through being transparent and asking for help outside of themself. In my context, this looks like asking others to call me out when I am not exemplifying Christ-like behavior.
The most clear example of accountability in my life, which occurred during the time of this class, is the addition of Covenant Eyes to my phone. I was exposed to and heavily addicted to pornography as early as nine years old, which began a nearly decade-old heavy pornography addiction. Now, by God’s grace, I do not explicitly struggle with pornography much anymore. This has been a very long process of coming out of that addiction, spanning at least two and a half years of actively seeking deliverance.
This is not to say I am able to let my guard down. Rather, this is where I should keep myself most guarded, when I am on the brink of deliverance. Transparency with other men and accountability software has been very helpful, and has kept me from festering secret sin in my life. Openness and transparency has been a great friend. The practice of keeping accountability in my life has certainly kept me from falling back into old habits.
While spiritual leaders may never be ultimately delivered from all sin, transparency and genuinely seeking help have shown themselves to be significantly helpful practices to keeping oneself away from horrible moral failure. Accountability will continue to be a significant spiritual discipline in my walk, and I believe it will continue to show itself effective at continuing to bring deliverance.
Conclusion
Self care is one of the most neglected aspects of pastoral ministry, in addition to the Christian scene as a whole. The American drive for constant achievement likely fuels the inability of the Christian to place their identity, and therefore success, in their identity in Christ, rather than their achievement. The pastor must place their identity in Christ as their measurement of success. Through that practice comes the practices of self care and longevity in ministry. Apart from viewing one’s relationship with Christ as their success, the pastor will pour out without being poured into, and will eventually burn out. The Christian world is flooded with an epidemic of pastors who pour out but neglect pouring in. I will choose to take time to be poured into. I will not allow myself to burn out, out of a “selfless” desire to pour out and not be poured into. I will exercise wisdom by choosing to be poured into.
Bibliography
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“The WHOLE30® Program.” The Whole30® Program, 22 Jan. 2024, whole30.com/whole30-program-rules/.