Quite frankly, I feel like most of my attention lately has been tunnel visioned. While I feel that's a good thing, I'm starting to worry if maybe I'm a bit too passionate sometimes. Moreover, am I passionate, or am I just ever so slightly obsessed? It's no secret that since November that Rain: TAS has basically consumed all my creative juices. But am I overdoing it? I can barely go a day without talking about the project. This is new for me. I've never had a project that I'm this excited to be working on. But I worry when I attempt to be casual with the rest of the cast, crew, and even both my fiance and my girlfriend with all me talking about R:TAS is just annoying and I should just cool it. But if I'm going to be honest, I guess I can't help it. Last year was really terrible for me, so naturally I latched on to the good at tight as I could. The best parts of last year I hold dearly to me, and that includes Rain. Now I have a very strong heading.

That being said, I'm likely overthinking it; I've been told my passion is a bit contagious. I hope that means it's spreading to the rest of the crew and will help keep the project bold and alive. Hell, if I can at least help people in getting more passionate about all their other stuff I guess it's not so bad right? I love when I can bring light into people's eyes, and spark that drive to do more and great things in them. I love helping my loved ones broaden their passions and be happy doing what they're doing. Even past my overthinking, I can tell me being so passionate about what I'm working on has brought a lot of happiness to people.

But, of course I'm still going to overthink. I always overthink, it's what I do. If I'm worried I talk about something too much I'm gonna also think people are gonna get tired of me just yawning on about it constantly. But that makes me worry that if I don't talk about something it'll just fade away and people will stop caring. It's a constant tug of war with myself arguing over if I'm being a source of annoyance for everyone or not.

That's not even beginning to talk about the fact that I still feel slight imposter syndrome. I've never had a character role I've felt so happy and fulfilled to voice before. I guess I'm starting to understand what other voice actors experience when they have that role they can call theirs. But I still feel a bit odd about saying "this voice, this role: is mine" when I talk about the project, and the role I have. It's odd to me that I'd have such a deep joy for voicing her, yet I feel odd to say I've made the role my own despite making the role my own. Maybe it's part of my mentality to not feel like I own Rain in any respect. Maybe this is normal, maybe it's just me overthinking still? Who knows? I certainly don't.

But that's what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling today. I've still got a long way to go I feel. I'll get there. I know I will.

[January 1st, 2021]

It's not secret that this past year has been quite sucky. 2020 has hands down been one of the worst years of my life. Not to say there haven't been really wonderful parts, but nonetheless it's been a wild ride altogether. My fiance and I are currently on a hiatus from all things YouTube since well, the space we have to work in isn't very accessible to the both of us since we've moved in to our new apartment. We did end up moving at the height of the pandemic which made things kind of rough. I'm a out of a job at the moment, and hers is stuck in limbo.

I've ended up making a lot of great friends, and reconnecting with old ones. I've come to accept the fact that I am poly-amorous and even have fallen in love and started a relationship with one of my dearest long time friends, and we've started working on countless things together. I've even brought to life a long time project from limbo: Rain: The Animated Series. I've even been working really hard to get my various YouTube channels up and running again, to little success.

Other than that, everything's just been kinda terrible. Both my Dad and my Aunt passed away this year, and needless to say I haven't had much time to grieve given how wacky the school year was. On top of the global pandemic that just utterly drove me into a wild depression, I've been out of work and out of time to really get anything of substance done with all of this combined. It's safe to say not all good can come without bad, but the bad just outweighs the good here. But I've pressed through. I know my mom and dad would both be proud of me to have continued to press through and still be here.

I plan to make the most out of 2021 the best that I can. I don't really have a solid idea on what all I will do. I know what I'd like: I'd like to see Rain: The Animated Series grow as it's currently what I'm most passionate about. I hope my relationships with my fiance, and my girlfriend both continue to grow and be strong. I want to start writing more, get my stories out there. I have immense worlds I want to tell the story of, but I'm caught with immense writers block. I'll get them out there this year. I'm no longer saying "well this next year will be my year," because well, it doesn't matter how "good" or "bad" a year is. As long as I look forward to all that I'm planning and wanting to do? There's nothing that will stand in my way.