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How we made the hardest/easiest decision ever...
How we made the hardest/easiest decision ever...
Let me start by saying infertility sucks. It is hard and frustrating and can really make you lose your faith. It makes you question every bodily decision you have ever made and wonder if that is why you can't have kids. It is something that eats at your heart and if you aren't careful your marriage. Let me follow that by saying that we chose to go against the Catholic Churches teaching to grow our family and we are beyond grateful for the blessings God granted us.
My husband and I have two wonderful kids, two amazing blessings that drive us crazy at 6 am when they come running into our bed to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Yet, both of us actively remember a time when that looked like it wasn't going to be our reality.
So without getting too scientific, let me explain our situation.
I have a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and it means that I have really irregular cycles that Catholic charting tools just really don't work well for. On a less technicial level, my husband's swimmers don't swim and their numbers were dwindling. So we had to make a choice. We could either admit we would never have biological kids of our own or decide to do invitrofertilization (IVF). We really wanted to grow our family so we made an appointment with Dr. Amber Cooper at Washington University Hospital. She helped to explain the process and prepare us for the very real journey we were about to embark on. We met with her team and after many long talks agreed this was the path we were ready to take. We did our first round of IVF and in March of 2015 we transfered two embryos. It was all we had. Only one took and in November of 2015 we met our beautiful baby girl Fiona. She was and still is amazing! She is full of spunk and love and giggles and she has the biggest heart.
I really wanted Fiona to have a sibling but I also knew our ability to produce our own children was rapidly shrinking so in 2017 we met with Dr. Cooper again. She had opened her own practice, VIOS Fertility Institute, and we were thrilled to work with her again. Since we had changed insurance, we had a few more hoops to jump through this time. Among them was the requirement to attempt 3 IUIs or Intraturine Inseminations. We spent the weeks leading up to our first insemination planning the other two IUIs. Science told us the likelihood of an IUI working was pretty much slim to none so we were just planning to check off the insurance boxes and gear up for IVF.
Well on our first IUI it took and we were pregnant. We were in shock. IUI wasn't supposed to work for us. This was just a stepping stone, paper work, checklist completing step. Yet it had worked and we were thrilled. Then on December 10th, we got the news that our baby didn't have a heartbeat. I was crushed. I thought about every single thing I did and debated what I could have done differently. ***HINT: Nothing*** but oh how I searched for an answer to why we miscarried our beautiful baby. (You can read more about our miscarriage and recovery here.)
Us Preparing to Transfer Gabe
Dr. Cooper reminded us that this wasn't the end out journey and while the loss hurts and stings, with time we could try again. And we did try again. We did a second round of IVF and were left with three embryos. We transfered two and again only 1 took. In January of 2018 we added our sweet boy Gabriel. His presence in our family feels like he has always been here. He is always ready to cuddle and give hugs and kisses. He has some of the best dance moves and he frequently showcases them during Mass. Gabe truly loves people. It is his heart that I am most proud of as a momma. He wants everyone to be his friend and will lead you on fun wandering adventures if you only let him hold your finger.
Gabe at 7 months old
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