Gold Star Widows

A Gold Star Widow is defined as a husband or wife whose spouse passed away while serving active duty in the United States Military.  A military spouse lives within a culture that is unique to the military culture and vastly differs from a "civilian" lifestyle.   This culture should be understood and acknowledged by the therapist, especially in a grief counseling setting.

First, the military lifestyle requires constant moves throughout both the United States and various countries.  A military family is rarely living in the same areas as family and close lifelong  friends.  Typically, military families move on an average of every three years.  This makes it highly likely that a Gold Star Widow will not be surrounded by their strongest support systems at the time of their spouses death.

Second, a servicemember is considered, for lack of a better term government property.  In this sense the military career takes precedence over the spouses employment.  Most Gold Star Spouses find new employment at each duty station they move to.  They also need to be fulltime parents when the service member deploys on missions for lengths of up to one year or more.  

Third, housing options look different for a military family.  There is the choice of living on the military base in housing provided by the government or the family can choose to buy a house or rent an apartment or house off the military base.

When one spouse is in the military it affects every aspect of the family's life.  It is critical that these nuances are understood when counseling a Gold Star Spouse.  They are not only managing the loss of their loved one but they are, in many cases, managing the loss of their entire family structure.  Many widows will need to move to another state to be closer to their family.  Many lose their jobs, their houses and their sense of identity.  Military spouses have lived a lifestyle that revolves around the military and that all ends when the service member passes away.