My fists are clenching tight on the steering wheel, I relax when I see the welcome to Missouri sign. Finally, that hell my father called a home was gone, up in flames, I felt better knowing my brothers weren't there but he didn't, my father deserved nothing better than flames and I knew he would end up engulfed either way. I relax into my seat as a rock ballet starts to blast through my speakers. The music is so loud it feels like it's blasting my past out of my bones, all the grime of years spent with my father gone, being replaced by the soot from the fire of the home I grew up in, and the home now both my parents died in. Not stopping driving until I'm gone, so far gone they can't find me, I drive till I hit a motel. I get out to pay for a room and sleep. The memories come flashing back, my father yelling, my mother lay in her bed motionless, my baby brother crying, my father yelling into the phone, the weight of my infant brother and the feeling of my other brother's hand wrapped around mine as we sit outside watching an ambulance pull into the driveway. She is gone, the paramedic tries to show emotion, but I can tell it's fake. I wake up, not screaming or breathing heavily just awake, I get up and see the fire flash behind my eyes as I pass a mirror, I think nothing of it. I head back to bed, I sleep again, now new memories come flashing back, first I'm checking if my brothers are home, making sure dad is dead asleep, it's black then I'm outside, fire blazing, glass breaking from the intense heat of the fire mixing with the cold night, I'm in shock, even though this is all I've wanted for so long, it's still terrifying, I did this. A neighbor calls the fire department and my brothers rush home I'm standing still watching the fire. The memories shift, I'm standing in attic hand to the old insulation, sparks fly the pink fluff starts to burn and I turn to leave, I walk to all the curtains, more sparks, more fire. I wake up this time in a panic, I get up and look in the mirror this time I see the fire blazing inside me, I realize, I didn't just start the fire, I am the fire.