[WP] Summoning an Elder God inevitably drives cultists mad. You were expecting tentacles! Parasitic spores! Indescribable shapes and colours! You weren't expecting... this.

Staring at the thing in front of him, Jason frowned. No, this wasn't right. He picked up the manual and flipped through the pages. He'd obviously screwed up a step.

The items for the summoning ritual were listed, and Jason carefully compared them with the remains of what he'd used to summon this mistake. Goats blood, check. Two different colored eyeballs from the same ferrit, check. Every single thing on the list was there, even the fur of an ovulating orangutan.

If that wasn't the problem, then it was his execution. But, really, how hard was it to throw all that crap into boiling blood, then splatter it onto the floor. There weren't even any words involved. Jason was forced to conclude he'd done the thing right. He pulled out his phone and dialed his accultist.

"Hey Jason," the cheery woman said. "How's it going?"

He hated that they always knew it was him on the other line. That kind of supernatural knowledge was the whole point of him attempting to summon an elder God.

"Not great," he said. "I don't think the manual worked."

"No?" the woman asked, a little concerned. "Nothing showed up?"

"No," Jason said, drawing out the word, "something definitely showed up. "

"Ah, well then, the ritual worked. I wish I could ask you what you got, but policy doesn't let me."

Jason hung up the phone and stared back at the creature he'd summoned. A tabby cat sat in the middle of the living room, licking his balls. Not just any tabby, either. It was Jason's cat, Pebbles. As soon as the ritual was complete, Pebbles floated off the couch and into the blood. Now he sat, cleaning his nethers and making intent and uncomfortable eye contact with Jason.

Pebbles carried in for a few more seconds, then trotted to the litter box and squeezed out a steaming dump. He didn't even bother covering before moving back to the blood.

He laid down and continued his grooming. Jason just watched. What could he do? There was no undoing the ritual.

Pebbles stopped what he was doing and glared at Jason.

"This changes nothing," the imperious cat said.

Jason watched, flabbergasted, as Pebbles moved to his food bowl and meowed loudly.