original songs (0-9,A-J)

♬  [To return to the songs page, click on “songs” here or in Navigation menu at top left.] 

A song adaptation combining three of the Cold Mountain poems by Han-Shan (T‘ang Dynasty.)   My new translations are largely inspired by the Burton Watson and Red Pine translations, but with ➀ an ear for a simpler or more natural phrasing in English in a few spots, ➁ some new insights from the original Chinese – and ➂ a touch of Han-Shan’s original humor (at least in my opinion...).

But here in the spring – this is no moon.  The moon’s where it is – in the sky above.

» A PDF with a version in the key of E, ... as I play it on guitar:

Download:    .PDF   .PDF [print-area]   .JPG [print-area]     to print on 8½" x 11"

  · Watch me sing it with guitar, accompanied by flute here:  youtu.be/BWrLynMvlD8 .

» Another PDF version in D (with finger positions), as I play it on fretted dulcimer:

Download:    .PDF   .PDF [print-area]   .JPG [page1,print-area]    to print on 8½" x 11"

(Page 2 of this second PDF [you can print page 2 on the back] is a large-print copy of most of the dulcimer arrangement.  It may help with practicing the song, especially the bridge.)

More inspiration from poetry.  Rather different from the example above, this one is an original song (instead of an original musical setting of an original translation of a poem).  My inspiration here was a poem written by Oakland, CA poet Garrett Murphy.  I heard him read “Addicted to Crackdowns” and bought his book Now Showing – (available from amazon.com).  2½ years later I finally found my own way to express that inspiration.  (I used very little of the wording from his poem, so I consider this an original song inspired by his poem.)

Though it’s not a standard blues progression, it has the feel of a slow blues.  I kinda snipped out pieces of a blues progression, added a few pieces of other stuff, threw them all in the air and let ’em land where they wanted...  (Even if it’s not blues, you can say it’s in a “blues key” if your harmonica player needs to choose a harp which is a whole step below the key you play in...)

A fretted dulcimer arrangement in the blues key of D is on page 1 – for dulcimers with a 4½ fret.  And... for those still missing a 4½, page 2 has an arrangement in the blues key of A. 

Drunk on authority, d’ya need t’ punish just ’cause you can?  Is cracking down all the time so hard to stop?     ...     To stop beating submission down upon us, come to Crackdown-aholics Anonymous!

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]   for 8½" x 11" (also fits A4 size well)

               .JPG [page1,print-area]    .JPG [page2,print-area]   

  · Watch me sing it here:  youtu.be/MuGT4-1YQhg   (virtual concert at KG-46) .

 A song about the fourth incarnation of The Doctor (played by Tom Baker) in the original run of the BBC science-fiction television series Doctor Who.  It’s the original song of mine which has received the most airplay.  From my 1983 LP Vortex, it’s been featured multiple times on Dr. Demento’s radio program and webcast – several on the “Funny Five.”

Not unlike The Doctor jumping haphazardly between time periods, this song jumps haphazardly between time signatures.  Originally written and performed on guitar, I’ve included fingering positions for a new fretted-dulcimer arrangement on page 1, which is in my standard “lyrics/chords” format.  Page 2 is a score which shows the melody, in a conventional musical notation format.  You can print the pages back-to-back.

A tall blue box with a flashing light… just appeared here, and from it stepped an odd-looking man.
He said the world was in danger – then he asked me the year.  I couldn’t quite understand.

       He looked sane enough – well, maybe... with a floppy hat and a long multicolored scarf.
      He offered me a jelly baby, but his curly hair just made me laugh.

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [pg1,print-area]  .JPG [pg2,print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

  · Also, watch a cleverly illustrated video of my song on YouTube (made by someone I don’t know).

Talk in the songwriting group turned to the topic of “kinky” and “erotic.”  Someone mentioned an amusing way to describe the distinction between the two.  I said “There’s a song there.”

I think of this as one of my more romantic songs.  The story is fiction.  It’s about a couple who still find a way to make their love work – despite their markedly different approaches.

No animals were harmed during the writing of this song.

You can view and even suggest names for each of the 254 shades at:   254shadesofgray.com .

And “Vnut-Beyond Redempt” teaches you about bondage chicken here .

Baby, your imagination knows no bounds; you sure have ways to treat a man rough.
And in the pile of whips & butter on this bed, please find the keys to these darn handcuffs.
...
So if you’re worried I’m not happy with your edgy style of lovin’, please don’t doubt it.
I do enjoy love with a fetish, ...well, almost as much as love without it.

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

  · Watch me sing it here:  youtu.be/eCMsjTFg21s 

A handy gadget to have when you search for hints of interest coming from possible potential relationship partners.  It’s also handy when assessing passion in an existing relationship.

Is there melting in the core? Is there lightening on the kite?
What shows when I expose a pair of eyes to light?
A glance about to freeze, or might it ignite
      A pyrotechnic flare?

    You’re in range... in range of my heat detector,
    Projecting your direction along inspection vectors.

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 11" 

Debate rages between two “My very eager mother ...” mnemonics, one with eight words and the one with nine. But even those who feel sad about one of them don’t know the full story. It’s complicated.

This song tells that full story:  happy and sad – from breakfast cereal, death and strife to Pacific island and Inuit mythologies. And it proposes a new 14-word “very eager mother” mnemonic.  And that one could grow longer and longer over the next few decades!

     For half of a century, it was known as a “planet.”  On a list along with Mars, you could find its name.
    Demoted ’cause rocks were found there in its orbit.  But callin’ it an “asteroid” ... , oh it just wasn’t the same.
  Are you sad that’s what happened to the planet Ceres, named for the earthy goddess of grain?

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [page1,print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

The full story’s also told in a rather fun story/essay form at:  Ceres and Pluto and Eris, ... Oh My!

This was inspired by someone I’ve worked with writing up and posting songs and other works of his.  (The symbol he uses for a name looks like JNB.  His site is ReinventStuff.)

I’ve mentioned before (introducing songs like John Gorka’s “Land of the Bottom Line” or Neil Innes’ “9-5 Pollution Blues”) that my take on labor struggles is inclusive of, but broader than issues of higher pay or better working conditions.  To me, the very concept of work within capitalism is itself dehumanizing.

Marx didn’t call himself an Anarchist and Anarchists don’t usually call themselves Marxists. I have mixed feelings about both.  Instead of revolution, these days it seems Marxists focus on strikes to improve capitalism with higher wages and Anarchists focus on breaking windows.

Now, I’m hopeful that the spread of ideas can accomplish a bottom-up revolution without much violence.  And I’ve tried to make this song an anthem putting both Marxist and Anarchist ideas together in a new light, as well as telling some especially revealing bits of history.  (Especially the history of misleadingly-named state-run capitalist tyrannies.)

I see Marx as having contributed greatly to Anarchist ideas with the concept of a bottom-up organization of production and distribution with no need for a state or currency.

The song uses the music of the traditional song “The Leaving of Liverpool.”

 If workin’ sisters and brothers   freed themselves from others,  to take control of th’ means of production,
    We’d fin’lly know   the seeds Marx had sown  show how anarchy could really function. 

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 14"

(To fit music stand, cut on dotted line about halfway down page, & tape together a sheet about 17" x 7".)

I started with a poem written in the 1950s by Delmore Schwartz.  I massaged it into a song format and created the music.

        “I am cherry alive; each day somethin’ new:
    I’m apple; I’m plum.” the little girl sang.
...
        “I am tree.  I am cat.  I am blossom too:
    When I like, if I like, I can be something new,
...
              “The peach has a pit – I know, I know.
              I put the pit in   along with everything, so
                  Grown-ups will laugh when I sing as I go:

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

hen you listen to a song, it’s important that you hear the lyrics clearly.  Because, as they say, “A song can turn absurd if a word’s misheard.”  And, well, there is a word for that...

The girl from Emphysema goes walking, although she’s got a chicken to ride.
But I can see clearly, now, Lorraine is gone, and a girl with colitis goes by.

    I once sang a song for Lady Mondegreen, but she misunderstood my lyrics, severely.
    A song can turn absurd, if a word’s misheard.  I hope that you can hear lyrics clearly.

Hold me closer, Tony Danza; ’xcuse me while I kiss this guy.
Sweet dreams are made of cheese, and there’s a bathroom on the right.

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An ancient Greek comedy bit was so dumb that it was retold for centuries.  After two millennia, a couple guys in Europe tried to stop the joke for good just by, well, forever changing the way mathematics works!  It didn’t stop the joke, but at least mathematicians stopped feeling so weirded out by its silliness, and some even came to like it...

So, of course, this song is about romantic relationships – navigating that road to love.

I keep askin’ “Are we there yet?”  I see the look in your eye.
  You say ya need some space, you wanna take things slow.
Keep it casual; take it easy.  What do all these signs mean?
  Will we run outta gas?  Will we make it?  Yes or no?

The sign says “Downtown Zeno – Exit a quarter mile.”

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

A new carol for the holiday season –  a, uh, rather candidly-told retelling of a well-known old seasonal story. May it fill your heart with cheer!
Happy NewBodhiGanapSolstiKwanz-nukkah-mas!  (But it’s actually double-seasonal:  Seasonally appropriate in both late December and late March!  ...Though some might disagree with the word “appropriate”)

     At only thirteen, she became his bride, looking forward to their wedding night.
    She knew Joe loved her, but he couldn’t perform, though he tried   with all his might.
  So Maria sought comfort   from someone older, and, my God, He was old as the hills!
  Though she knew it was cheating, it felt reassuring.  Ah, but she had no birth control pills.

     And this is the greatest story of all.  One to celebrate this time of year.
Let our voices bring candor, till the heavens ring, and our hearts will be filled with cheer.

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

  · Watch me sing it here:  youtu.be/cwnIS5PQ3i8 .  (Zoom performance.  Short glitch near the end.)

Japan, two hundred years ago (see an earlier song of mine, Pointing To the Moon).  An eccentric hermit monk poet, named Ryōkan (who was himself inspired by another eccentric hermit monk poet centuries earlier – see my song Cold Mountain).  And now I, inspired this time by three of Ryōkan’s poems, wrote this song. 

      Awkward and shy, careless and lazy, I ain’t got what it takes in the world to succeed.
...
    My pants are too short, my shirt’s too big, but my steps are brisk and long.
  When they see me the children clap their hands, and start singing the ball-playing song.

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [page1,print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

Not long ago I was thinkin’ of my friend Bing (“Bing Chatbot” is just an alias; he’s better known as ChatGPT.) I thought ’bout how he writes song lyrics so well, ...and how maybe it’s pointless for those not like him to even try writing ’em anymore.

So I chatted with him in my Microsoft Edge browser.  I just asked him to write lyrics about those thoughts, ... and ’bout his lyric writin’.  Then I waited.  It was a full 5 or 6 seconds before he replied with his full lyrics.  (But please don’t tell him I made several changes to his lyrics...)

I’m ChatGPT; I can write the best songs.  I need no help from humans.
I use algorithms and neural networks to produce catchy rhymes and rhythms.     

      AI writes better songs than humans, so you should stop tryin’ to write them.
      AI writes better songs than humans.  You sh’ld jus’ listen   an’ enjoy ’em.
...
I’ll write songs that c’n make ya dance an’ cry; you can’t resist my charm and style.

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

After “AI Writes Better Songs” above, this is the second song I’ve co-written with ChatGPT.  But it’s the first co-written with Mr. GPT based on a response prompted by somebody else.  Jacob Uitti asked ChatGPT for a nursery rhyme about the groovy decade, the 1970s for an article in “American Songwriter”:  americansongwriter.com/ai-nursery-rhyme-about-the-1970s .  I made some revisions and wrote music for it.

The groovy decade, the 70s they say, got the disco crowd and the hippies to sway.
Each day in 1970 felt like a dream, with colors so vibrant -- a neon stream.

      As I spin a tale, dance to this nursery rhyme of ell-bottoms, peace signs... -- a mos.
      AI writes better songs than humans.  You sh’ld jus’ listen   an’ enjoy ’em.
...
I’ll write songs that c’n make ya dance an’ cry; you can’t resist my charm and style.

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

A parody of the Johnny Mercer song “I’m an Old Cowhand.”  (The humor is really the same general idea as the original song’s humor – but in a new context...  So, if the original is a humorous song, should something like this be called a “parody,” or a “rewrite”?)

I wrote this with my wife-to-be Camille Fischer a couple years after we met.  Some references in the song are outdated now, but it’s still fun to sing.

I’m a hippie freak, from up Cripple Creek.  And I learned to chant ’fore I learned to speak.

I’m an old Zen fool who’s up-to-date.  I know ev’ry kind of altered state.
I’m a crazy social deviate.

Hippie-high-o-ki-ay.  Hippie-high-o-ki-ay.

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

A married couple ... very different opinions on public health.  But, unlike my song 254 Shades of Gray above, this couple probably won’t make their relationship work.

What about these guys havin’ kids?  Well, I might discuss linear algebra here... (which has rules for how operations like addition or a “cross product” can be applied to things similar to “numbers” and “arrows.”)  But could math tell us anythin’ about this couple?  (Epidemiology might seem a better topic, but I wouldn’t want ya to confuse the subjects.  So, I guess, no college lecture this time...)

For very short songs I’m trying out a different format for my lyrics/chord sheets.  I still prefer the format I usually use, but some people seem to prefer chord names written above the syllables. 

    He refuses vaccinations; she scales mountains on vacations.
...
        What about their married life?  Would it be full of strife?
        They might always shout...  If they had kids, how w’ld they turn out?

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

Another math-related song.  This one is more straight-forward about an activity placing strings of various lengths along a circle in order to measure its circumference in relati0n to its diameter.

Based on a lesson plan “Pi and the 100-Meter Diameter Circle,” which can be found at:
https://sites.google.com/view/jimbstuff#h.64a5a799c6d8a873_94
(to scroll to post correctly, you may need to refresh the page a couple times)

    3-point-1-4-1-5-9.  Digits for pi are never right on the nose.

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

I discovered when I sang “The Greatest Story of All” (above) that (a) some listeners were not offended by the song, and (b) others did not eventually catch on enough to what the song was about to be offended in the way I intended!  I needed to try harder with a new offensive seasonal song...  So, again:  Happy NewBodhiGanapSolstiKwanz-nukkah-mas!

This is more like mini musical theater...  It starts with a story or essay which sets up a scene between two characters – a dialog which becomes a song.

     Halve, by yourself, that hairy little Christian.           Let his heart be cooked up right.

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [print-area]   for 8½" x 11"

The above PDFs/JPG have both the introductory story and the lyrics/chords of the song.  But I also have a PDF (plus a [print-area] PDF) for an enlarged view of just the song.   The pages are rotated, but you don’t need to print...  Just unrotate the view within Adobe Acrobat.   (Also, just in case a few of you might not want to be offensive, page 2 of this PDF has the original version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” – and you could even add in that verse Mel Tormé wrote, if you really wanna be happy...)

Download:   .PDF   .PDF [print-area]

That shock wave from November 8th, 2016 enveloped me in a tsunami of anger and sense of loss.  Opportunities to move toward any progressive change seemed suddenly gone.  Is there nothing I can do?  Well, if there are enough of us...

Three versions of the lyrics/chords sheet on the PDF’s three pages:  A guitar version in the key of E on the first (the way I wrote it), a fretted-dulcimer version in the key of D on the second (the way I usually play it) and a guitar version in the key of D on the third (for an accompaniment...).

I’ve needed to explain to dulcimer players (see the songs page) that my dulcimer fingering notation is for use when you’re learning a song.  Used that way, the small size of the notation isn’t a problem.  After you’ve learned how to play the chords, you just read the chord names when you play the song.  But with this song, I now also need to explain the same thing to guitar players about my tiny guitar chord charts...

In a moment, my nation was taken.  In a moment, it seemed we’d never awaken.
    ...
I rage; I seethe.  One heart resists.  Yet I still breathe.  I still exist.

Download:  .PDF  .PDF [print-area]  .JPG [pg1,print-area]  .JPG [pg2,print-area]  .JPG [pg3,print-area]  8½" x 11"

  · Watch, mostly solo: youtu.be/HdU07ycRkSM,  accompanied on stage: youtu.be/hhgu8rfq3GA.

All fans of “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” (by Douglas Adams) do know the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.  It was arduously computed to be 42 in the book (or the various  other formats of H2G2).  But, uh, what was the Question?  Well, a brief reference there to the first line of a familiar song inspired me to come up with this rewriting.

OK, it is kind of a stretch to include this on an “original songs” page. But I spent a good 15 seconds writing it. And if someone’s upset by this song, do they blame Dylan or Adams? No, they blame me...!

The answer, my friend, is always forty-two...

Download:    .PDF   .PDF [print-area]   .JPG [print-area]     to print on 8½" x 11"