April 12th, 2020
Today I noticed that about fifty percent of people were wearing masks. But wearing a mask is not a simple affair, as I quickly learned. As I prepared to leave my home, I put on my glasses (these days I’m just too lazy to wear my contact lenses), my phone, wallet, keys, backpack, and of course, my mask. I had been dreading wearing it for days since the first time I tried it on. It was restricting and painful, especially around the ears. But since this was my first great foray into society in a few days, I knew I had to wear it. If not for my sake, then for others’.
I proceeded to put on my mask and it was just as uncomfortable as I’d expected. It was tight around the ears, my air flow was restricted, and worst of all, as soon as I left my house, the mask fogged up my glasses. I then proceeded to reenter my home, take off my shoes, wash my hands, and put in my contact lenses. I just couldn’t bear the thought of walking around town with fogged up glasses, especially on a beautiful sixty degree day.
Finally, after sufficiently preparing my body to leave my home, I left my home. The sun was bright, not a cloud in the sky. But I immediately felt the weight of my mask. From my mouth to my nose was a hot and humid sauna. The top of my mask squeezed and pulled down my nose, causing it to excrete moisture. My face began to itch, but I resisted from scratching, lest I disobey the golden rule of the virus: don’t touch your face.
I admit, I felt very foolish walking around town with a mask on. Mine in particular was custom made and supported a pattern of British flags on top of newspaper cutouts detailing the rise of pop music in Britain. I felt childish, like I was a kid playing at a pandemic. It felt like Halloween, sweaty face masks and all. I was worried I might be judged, that people might think I wasn’t taking all this seriously. Before going out I was excited to be one of the few people wearing a unique mask in public. But now I just felt like a doofus. Despite my lack of personal comfort, I decided that a little pain and embarrassment now will mean a lot less suffering later.
As I walked down the street, I decided to give the six feet rule the old college try and zigzagged my way up the sidewalk, often going into the street in to avoid my neighbors. I found myself usually initiating the delicate distance dance two strangers perform in today’s world. I would go out of my way to divert my path before the oncoming pedestrian would even have the chance to divert their path themselves. I extended my proverbial hand first and confidently asked, “Excuse me sir or madam. Would you like to do the distance dance with me?”
And then I thought, what if I refused initiate? What if I let my embarrassment get the best of me and refused to ask the old man coming towards me to dance? Would we simply walk past each other like two old friends, or would he go out of his way to walk into the street like I did? Maybe he was asking himself the same thing.
As I continued up the block and reached the local shops, I found myself surprised at how many others were wearing their own face saunas. Some medical grade, others homemade. I don’t know what I was expecting. I felt like an idiot walking out of my house with a mask, so maybe I thought the feeling of absurdity would prevent others from wearing their masks. However, upon seeing the lines of masked people outside the grocery store, I felt a simultaneous feeling of pride and unease. Pride that the rest of my community was taking proactive action to fight the virus, and unease that this is what my community had become.
I then noticed the people not wearing masks. They were no different than the people wearing masks, except for the fact that they were not wearing masks. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel about these people. Should I have felt frustration that they weren’t taking this as seriously as I was? Should I be angry that they are putting the rest of us at risk? Should I be ambivalent since the number of cases in my community is low and the odds of one of these non-mask wearers spreading the sickness is slim? I myself was one of these people two days ago, but then again two days ago a lot less people were wearing masks. Maybe these people are just less scared than the rest of us, or maybe they are more ignorant. Neither scenario bodes well, but I don’t want to judge.
I started wearing a mask because I was scared. Scared of spreading germs, but also scared of being judged for not taking all this seriously. I admit, I’ve struggled with the ladder. It’s not that I don’t believe what’s happening or think it’s all a big conspiracy, I trust the professionals, it’s just that I have a hard time believing in something that seems to only exist on my phone. I personally don’t know anyone affected by the virus and have not contracted symptoms myself. For the past few weeks, I’ve always felt like this was something happening to somebody or somewhere else.
But now it’s here, and now it’s real, so I strap on my mask and embrace the absurdity. And next time I go out, I hope to see that fifty percent become one hundred.