Rama's Lament

Full Moon. Pixabay.

Seasons have changed, and much time has passed. Rama had forgotten the sting in his mother's words, and the anger in his father's eyes had faded. The time he had spent alone felt like one hundred lifetimes. Time this long allows the mind to forget and the heart to heal. But Rama knew he would never forget. While his memories of others grew blurrier every day, Rama's love for Sita had never dimmed-even for a second. Rama could forget the way his home felt or the way his brother's smile looked. He had lost track of the number of days that had melted into nights years ago. Maybe it was because the only thing that mattered to him now was his Sita. His infatuation with her became almost like an obsession. In the morning he would draw her face in the ground, remembering every detail and line like it was yesterday. When the sun fell and twilight creeped into the night, Rama would dream vivid dreams. For just a moment, he would believe that he was with his Sita again only to wake up alone and heartbroken once again.

The sadness Rama felt wasn't because he was apart from his love, or that he left without any explanation. Rama's sadness came from the fact that he knew that they would never be young together again. Their years of youth were wasted apart from each other. Every time Rama thought about how long he'd been gone, his mind would wander and imagine all the memories he could have been making with his love.

Sometimes, Rama would look up at the moon and pretend like he was talking to Sita. He hoped that maybe she was gazing at the same moon, and missing him just as much as he was missing her. He would whisper his devotion and undying love, hoping the wind would carry his poems to her. He liked to think every warm breeze was her lips caressing his face.

Rama could remember the night he left. That was the only other thing he could still recall, and still thought about. He had been exiled for a cruel and unrighteous reason. Rama remembered the fight he had had with his parents and how they argued and yelled for hours. Rama still felt some shame in what he had done, and the fact that he had abandoned his brother. But exile? It was far from the fair punishment. Knowing he couldn't face Sita with the truth, he lied. Rama had told Sita he didn't love her anymore, and was leaving the city. The broken look on her face and the tears that spilled out of her eyes was an image that tortured Rama incessantly. He felt like his heart was poison and that he had died in that very moment.

Rama knew he had to get back to her someday. He had to explain and apologize for what he had done. He knew he deserved the sadness he felt every day. But it kept him going on and pushing past all the empty days and lonely nights. He would come back for Sita, no matter what. Rama could only hope she knew that.

On the darkest nights, Rama's mind would drift to places it might not return from. "Would anybody truly miss me if I never returned?" he would think. If he swam out in the ocean as far as he could would the tide pull him back to shore? Or would the waves pull him below and take his last breath? "Maybe this pain would end if I could just sleep forever..."

But in the end, his love for Sita always triumphed. Her sole being eradicated every distress he had. Even in agony, Rama knew that as long as Sita was still here on the same Earth as him, he had to keep breathing. Had to keep living to see her again.

And Rama knew Sita was still alive. He knew it in his heart, for how could the sun still rise if she was no longer there to laugh and run in its warmth? How could the rain still fall to water the trees if Sita was no longer there to climb them? Rama remembered the large sacred fig tree in his family's garden. He remembered how he and Sita would sit in its shade together.

Rama lived in the darkness. The silent, still night was his home. He was used to the tranquility the full moon brought, and he had found some peace in solitude. But every so often, Rama would remember the love he had felt, and his heart would ache for what had been.

Author's Note: I chose to use Rama's lament from the Ramayana because I wanted to write a story about love. More specifically, I wanted to focus on the theme of tragic love. In Rama's lament, he cries his woes because he wants to find Sita, but is unable to do anything about it. I think that Rama feels hopeless and completely frustrated because as much as he wants to be with Sita and find her, he is exiled. When retelling this story, I primarily focused on Rama's feelings of isolation, helplessness, and sadness. The theme of love and heartbreak is felt universally, and I wanted a lot of people to be able to relate to my story on some level.

I took the poem part of the story and basically retold every verse in my own words. The original storyline is not the same, and was used only as a guideline in creating the plot of this version of the story. In this story, Rama is completely alone without Lakshmana, and the reason Rama and Sita are apart is because of his exile rather than her abduction. In my story, Rama is very harsh and bitter memories of his exile, rather than the calm demeanor he has in the original story. This story doesn't go into detail about the specifics of Rama's exile because I didn't think it was as relevant in emphasizing the overall theme of tragic love. That was the main focus of my story: to capture the emotions between Rama and his lost Sita. I only used the background story to add to his anguish. The parts of the verse that are about Rama's desire for revenge to get Sita back were not used in this story. (Only the first 9 verses and last 2 are rewritten.)

Bibliography: Public Domain Edition: Ramayana. I mostly used the second verse portion of chapter 46: 'The Rainy Season' to write my story, and it was Rama's lament poem. The poem is from Arthur William Ryder's book 'Relatives' (1919), which includes a collection of classical Sanskrit poetry. The main story and first verse portion comes from Ramayana, The Epic of Rama, Prince of India by Romesh Dutt (1899).