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Pet Peeves and Unpopular Opinions
Pet Peeves and Unpopular Opinions
July 6th, 2021
From Sofia Nolfo: This week, we decided to to a fun episode about some of our biggest pet peeves and unpopular opinions. We all talked about such a huge variety of topics, including everything from music to food to arrogant people. One pet peeve I talked about is people who make fun of or hate other people for doing what they're passionate about, whether that's pursing a creative career, dressing the way they want to, etc. I know that I have dealt with a few people in my life who are like this, and so have the other In Retrograde hosts. In high school, I would sometimes have people make fun of my friends and I for being involved in things like theatre, music, and other creative afterschool activites. I know people who tried to start YouTube channels or similar things and stopped out of fear of being made fun of. I used to let this get to me, but as I've gotten older I know that most people who make fun of others for doing what they love and finding success are usually just unhappy with themselves. At the end of the day, their criticism is not worth taking, because they just want to drag you down with them. Knowing this doesn't make it any less of a pet peeve, however.
Another pet peeve of mine is people who make fun of popular things just to seem cool. For example, in music I see this a lot. As someone who listens to a lot of music from a lot of different genres, I love pop music! It took me a while to admit it, but Taylor Swift is my top artist of all time on Spotify and I am not at all ashamed to say I love her along with several other popular artists. However, I know a lot of other music lovers who act too cool to listen to anything that isn't underground. If you genuinely don't like popular music that's fine, but when people act above others for not liking popular things it's a huge pet peeve of mine.
For more pet peeves and unpopular opinions from the other hosts, listen to our new episode "Pet Peeves and Unpopular Opinions" up now!
What we wish we knew: Mom Edition
What we wish we knew: Mom Edition
June 28th, 2021
From Madi's Mom, Amanda: My last tip is to have more faith and confidence that it is all going to come together, and for me it did. Allow yourself experiences that really help you grow as a person. I was a little too worried about whether it was going to work out and I was going to find the right fit for my job, my career and a partner in life and it all comes. Keep the faith and don't worry too much.
From Sofia Karras's Mom, Pascale: Take the time to reflect and to appreciate the things you’ve accomplished. Recognize your strengths, the hard work you’ve done, and the good friend you are. When you take time to reflect you can learn how to recognize the things you have done and accomplished. I wish I took the time to do this... but instead I was always moving forward.
From Sofia Nolfo's Mom, Moira: I felt like I had to meet these milestones. I would say not to worry so much about that… take everything day by day. Things have a way of working themselves out.
From Caroline's Mom, Michelle: You can’t give 100% all the time to everything. It’s ok to take a break and concentrate on one thing at a time.
Our Moms at Our Age
Our Moms at Our Age
Sofia Karras's Mom
Sofia Nolfo's Mom
Madi's Mom
Caroline's Mom
Childhood Dream Careers vs Now
Childhood Dream Careers vs Now
June 23th, 2021
From Madelyn Willoughby: In this episode we talked about how we all wanted to have a bunch of random cool jobs: chefs, Olympians, astronauts, youtubers and much more. We also talk about how those dreams informed our current career interests. My dream jobs have definitely been all over the place throughout my life. I’ve wanted to be a lawyer, beauty guru youtuber, journalist, comedy writer and much more. I used to feel insecure because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do or which college I wanted to go to. I was scared and doing things related to my future career felt stressful because I felt like I had no direction. Now that I’ve grown up a little bit, I’ve started to realize that this could actually make my life more exciting because I’ll get to try a lot of different things. Don’t be afraid to
Over the past year and this summer I’ve started a few different strategies for setting career goals I’d like to share with you. I’ve started to visualize my daily life in five and ten years rather than thinking about a job title I want. This way I can see if I actually want to wake up and work in these different fields. I’ve also been making lists of specific career goals of different internships, clubs and professional experiences I want to have before I leave college. I also have a spreadsheet with a plan for my class schedules each semester so I meet all requirements. This way everything I do at school is intentional and aligns with my goals. This is not to say it’s not flexible, but having at least a loose plan can be helpful to make you feel on track. Another thing that has really helped me understand different career paths I am interested in is going to panels and having conversations with people who have careers you are interested in. I always felt weird doing this because it felt like an obvious way of networking and a waste of someone’s time if I don’t end up pursuing that career. However, I found that people love to talk about themselves and I’ve gotten way more out of these conversations than I’ve expected. The networking aspect is really just a plus to understanding what these careers are like day to day.
The note I want to leave you with is to be excited about your future life and career rather than scared of it. Even if it doesn’t end up exactly how you visualize it right now, it will likely still be one that excites you. Don’t be afraid to explore different things and be excited about trying new things instead of scared. You have your whole life to work, so use your high school and college years to explore things you are passionate and excited about.
Redefining Hot Girl Summer
Redefining Hot Girl Summer
June 15th, 2021
From Sofia Nolfo: This week, the ladies of In Retrograde and I decided to give our thoughts on the phrase that comes up every year around this time- "hot girl summer". Especially with the vaccine rollout and the COVID-19 pandemic getting better in our area, there's a lot of pressure to have a crazy and unforgettable summer. The phrase was coined by Megan Thee Stallion in her song "Hot Girl Summer". Lots of people think of "hot girl summer" as needing to get with a bunch of people or partying every night, but the rest of the hosts and I talked about how for us, "hot girl summer" means trying to become to best versions of ourselves and enjoying ourselves while doing it.
For me, this summer I have a few goals I want to achieve. First off, I want to write more. If you were following my Takeover Thursday last week, I talked a little bit about this! I love creative writing but at school I didn't get to do it nearly enough. I have probably hundreds of ideas or lines to place in a poem or song sitting in my notes app, and during this summer I would love to try and use them. So far, I've written a few poems, songs, and have some ideas for short stories, which I'm very excited about. I also want to try to get into journaling, both as a way to write more but also to help with mindfulness.
Speaking of mindfulness, another big goal of mine is taking care of my mental health. The transition from being at college to coming home was a strange one for me and probably many other people. I had just made a bunch of great friends who I spent so much time with and was so happy in my new environment, then I came home to an old environment where I couldn't see my friends as often, wasn't living with a roomate, and suddenly had very little to occupy my time. This has made me fall back into some old mindsets at times and for a while was beginning to trigger my anxiety. I spent a few days feeling down, not wanting to leave my room. However, I've been trying to avoid that by keeping myself occupied with smaller things to do throughout the day. These include playing my guitar or keyboard, reading, going on a walk, going to the gym with Caroline and Sofia K., baking, and more. Keeping in touch with your mental health, in my opinion, is one of the keys to having a hot girl summer. Another major part of this is self-confidence and trying to mantain a good body image, which we frequently talk about on the show. I've been trying to follow influencers who promote real, inclusive body positivity and/or body neutrality and block out any negative influences this summer. Remember that no matter what your body looks like, and if your body changed during the pandemic or while you were at school, you still deserve to have a great hot girl summer!
Maintaining Motivation & Self Discipline
Maintaining Motivation & Self Discipline
June 8th, 2021
From Caroline Torpey: Coming up with goals is easy, but sticking with them is the hard part. Our guest, Josh Rabin shared, "Motivation is easy, dedication is hard". Many times people create massive goals and quit after two weeks. I'm sure you've seen or experienced it first hand. Whether it was trying to get your cartwheel in 3rd grade or trying to go vegetarian for the New Year, our motivation doesn't last forever.
This episode resonated with me a lot because it reminded me of my dream, starting a Youtube Channel. Ever since I was little I've dreamt of creating my own platform. Although this has been my life goal, I have constantly found myself procrastinating my vision. When I was in middle school it was because I didn't have the right "back to school supplies" to create cute content. In high school, it was because I did not have the latest editing equipment, and now I've found myself saying it's because I don't have "the best camera". Despite these "excuses", I know that the biggest thing that's holding me back is me. I know I can do it, but with success comes fear.
Many people fear success. Once you achieve this "dream" of yours, your life is going to change. You may lose friends, move away from home, or quit your current job. This scares many away, but you have to remember why you are chasing this dream in the first place, especially when you lack motivation. Motivation isn't enough. You must be dedicated to doing this for your future self. 8-year-old Caroline deserves to see me following my dreams. Sometimes the biggest thing that is holding you back is you.
How to Let Go: Relationship or Friendship
How to Let Go: Relationship or Friendship
June 1st, 2021
From Madelyn Willoughby: I've had plenty of friendships and other relationships that became toxic or unhealthy. Especially when you have history with somone or you share a unique experience, it can feel very uncomfortable to think about distancing yourself from that person. Even if a relationship is mostly negative it still hurts to walk away from someone important to you. It's also easy to feel like a bad person if it's a dependent relationship. But, prioritizing your own happiness is important and you shouldn't feel obligated to spend time with someone who makes you feel unhappy most of the time you are with them. No relationship is perfect, but if you find yourself more unhappy and sad than happy in your relationship with someone it's time to take a closer look at that connection and see if it's worth keeping in your life. This doesn't have to mean a sudden, dramatic breakup.
Here are three of my best tips for how to recognize if a relationship has run its course-
One of the best strategies I have used recently when trying to help heal a negative friendship is setting a boundary with them and seeing if the relationship can survive this way. This can mean silently stopping the enabling of a behavior that frustrates you or having a reasonable conversation about some of your concerns. If the friendship can't survive this it might be a sign it's not worth keeping.
Another strategy I use is to stop reaching out and see if the person puts in an effort to heal the relationship. Especially in the case where you feel like an organizer or like it's a one sided relationship, this can give you some clarity on if you both value each other in the same way.
Lastly, addressing any negative feelings and bad dynamics as soon as you notice them is important. I've been in plenty of friendships that had a bad dynamic that went on far too long. Even though it's natural to avoid the discomfort and confrontation, it's so much better to address issues as they come.
How to Get Over a Breakup
How to Get Over a Breakup
May 27th, 2021
From Caroline Torpey: "Your first breakup will be hard. It is okay to be upset and mad. At one point you saw something in this person that you didn't see in anyone else.
You have to move on though. If this person is meant for you they will come back to you. Remember, your "person" would never put themselves in the position to lose you. If you are looking for a "sign" to end the relationship, that is your "sign", leave.
Feel through the emotions.
Don't hold it in. Make a sad playlist, look through your old pictures, cry it out.
Discipline & Separate yourself: No Contact Rule
Stop sharing your location with them, mute their social media posts, and put their number on Do Not Disturb. Collect all the momentos that remind you of them and put them in a box in your basement or a friend's house. Write down all the reasons that this relationship was not right for you and send it to a friend. Have your friend remind you of the thing that frustrated you most about your relationship whenever you miss them. You will forget the bad parts of the relationship. Use this as a reminder as to why you left this relationship.
This is to discipline yourself as you get over the person. You can rekindle your friendship with them, but you need time apart first. It will only make it harder to get over them if you try to go straight to friends right away.
Stay busy.
Focus on your goals, and if you don't have any, create one. I started working out and got positions for several clubs. Not only did I form new relationships, but I also worked on becoming a better version of myself.
Pro tip: sign up for clubs/events at times you would find yourself thinking about this person (I went to the gym or called friends at night because I noticed I would think about my ex at the end of the day)
Forgive yourself.
Anger, guilt, and embarrassment is a common stage people go through for a breakup. It is okay to be embarrassed for not noticing the red flags sooner, but remember that your past self didn't know what you now know. Everyone makes mistakes. Now you can take what you learned from this relationship to better yourself for the next one. You do not owe your ex anything, but if you want to forgive them write out a letter about everything that upset you from the relationship and tear it up.
Acceptance & Reflection.
Recognize what you liked about this relationship and what you didn't like. Write down what you could do in your next relationship to be a better partner. What helped me was writing my needs, boundaries, and "no's" for a relationship. I wrote down values I want in a partner, and what I will no longer tolerate in a relationship. Write a letter to your ex for closure and tear it up.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
This isn't going to be easy, and that's okay. It's hard to see how far you've come sometimes. I wrote a letter to my future self each month to motivate myself. Healing from a breakup is not linear, but you will learn so much along the way. It is okay to miss the person and love them from a distance. Just remember to be secure in yourself and love yourself first.
The Freshman 15 & Diet Culture in College
The Freshman 15 & Diet Culture in College
May 25th, 2021
From Sofia Karras: "As someone who has gone through the 'freshmen 15' experience herself, I felt compelled and passionate about recording this episode. After having thinking I looked my best physically during quarentine and during my online fall semester, going into the spring semester in-person and dealing with an unfortunate weight gain was difficult. Waking up everyday, looking in the mirror, touching my stomach, and hating what I saw was upsetting. I hated treating myself with such a harshness. The worst part about it was that I knew there was nothing I could do at the moment to change the physical state I was in because I did not have the luxury of cooking for myself and controlling what kinds of foods and ingredients I was putting into my body. It took some time, but I slowly realized weight fluctuation is completely normal, and especially during a huge transition period such as beginning college, and on top of that, during a pandemic. If you or someone you know is or has struggled with this, my best piece of advice for you is to simply not be so harsh on yourself. This is normal, healthy, and not permanent. The brain is a powerful tool. You have the power to control your thoughts and the things you say to yourself."
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