The pouring rain pounded against the office windows of Herbert Henry Oxidane, P.I., CWT.  This put the water detective in a good mood.  Nothing beat a steady rain on a weekday.  Of course, nothing beat a steady rain on the weekends as well, in Detective H2O’s well-formed opinion.  As he stood there pondering what he was going to do for lunch, his phone range once…twice…three times.  He finally answered, “Detective H2O here. The best water treater this side of the Ohio, solving water problems drop by drop. Whatcha got?"

“Detective H2O, this is Peter Flemming over at Thinking Boxes, Incorporated.  I need you over here NOW!” came the insistent sound of desperation.

“I sense your urgency, but what exactly is going on?” inquired the water detective.

“We’re going through our yearly shutdown, you see.  When we opened up the boilers, they look TERRIBLE!  Scale everywhere!  What are you doing to our boilers?  You’re ruining them!”

“Ok, I’ll be right over, Peter, and we’ll get to the bottom of this.  Let me grab my files, and we’ll see if my old jalopy of a blue Ford will make it without much complaining.  Can I pick you up lunch on my way over?”

“Good, and yes, that’s the least you can do for me after what I just saw in those boilers, I tell you.”

Detective H2O grabbed his paper files for the Thinking Boxes, Incorporated account, thumbed to a section, and smiled.  Then he headed out the door.

* * *

Knocking first, Detective H2O headed into Peter’s office without waiting for a response.  “Here’s your lunch.  I got your regular.  Francine, the waitress, says to tell you hello.”

“Thanks, Detective.  I do appreciate the lunch.  I’ve been craving it since we got off the phone.  Sorry to call you in at a moment’s notice, but these boilers look terrible,” said Peter Flemming.  “Just plain terrible!”

“I believe you, and we’ll get to the bottom of it, I promise.  Let’s finish this lunch first, and then let’s take a look,” replied Detective H2O.

* * *

The water detective and Peter Flemming made their way to the boiler room at the back of the plant.  Both firetube boilers were open for maintenance and inspection.  First impressions were the fireside looked good, but the customer’s concern was on the other side of the metal on the water side, though.

“Come over here, Detective, and look in this hand hole.  Here, take this flashlight.  Look at all the scale on those tubes.  That can’t be good!  I don’t remember that last year!” observed Peter.

“Hmmm…I see what you mean.  Yes, there is scale on those tubes.”

“Climb up this ladder to look in the manhole up top.  It looks even worse from up there.”

Detective H2O diligently followed instructions, climbed the ladder, and peered inside the boiler.  “Yes, I see what you’re talking about.  Scale on those tubes, too.  Scale in a boiler can have many detrimental effects, not the least of which is increased fuel usage.  With the cost of fuel nowadays, that’s not an easy pill to swallow.”

“I know!” exclaimed Peter.  “How did this happen?  What are you going to do about it?  How are you going to make me whole with this?”

The water detective climbed down off the boiler and ladder, looked Peter square in the eyes, and replied, “Let’s take a look at last year’s inspection report right after I first took over your account.  I’m sure it has pictures for comparison.”

Detective H2O walked over to the water softener’s covered brine tank, laid his account file on top, opened it up, and thumbed through it for a bit until he found the last boiler inspection report conducted a year ago almost exactly.  “Ah!  Here it is!  Let’s see what song this canary sings.”

“Oh good!” replied Peter.

As the water detective reviewed the report page by page and inspected the pictures, he could be heard murmuring, “Aha,” “Yes,” and “I see.”  Peter tried to peer over his shoulder, but being a man of shorter stature, he soon gave up.

When Detective H2O finally finished with the report and turned to face his perturbed customer, Peter asked, “Well, what did you find?”

“It’s quite interesting, actually.  Come here beside me, and I’ll show you.”  Peter shuffled up beside the water detective as the inspection report was flipped back to its first page of pictures.

Detective H2O began, “Take a look at these pictures of the tubes from the handhold we just looked into.  What’s interesting is that as badly scaled as the tubes look today, I believe I would say they actually look better than they did a year ago.  What would you say?”

“Huh, I can see what you mean.  The scale was pretty regular back then, but it’s coming off in sections now,” replied Peter.

“Yes, which ironically makes it sort of look worse even though one could say it’s better.”

“That’s true.”

“And let’s look at the comments and recommendations to remember what we discussed a year ago,” said the water detective as he flipped to another section in the report.  “We talked about a couple of things, I see.  First, the report covers the cause of the scale.  Your water softener was not consistently producing soft water.  A little further investigation showed the city water quality had changed significantly due to a change in water source.  The incoming water was much harder, which meant the previous setpoint for the water softener was much too high.  The water softener was producing hard water well before the end of their its run.  Judging by the level of scale, this had been happening for quite a while undetected by your previous water treatment provider.”

“You’re jarring my memory now, Detective H2O!  I tossed those clowns out on their ear!  They’re name was Dudley, Charlie & Howard Inc., but they should have been called Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe!” said Peter, clearly entertaining himself.

The water detective continued, “Second, we talked about acid cleaning the boilers to remove the scale and improve efficiencies to conserve fuel.”

Peter looked at the detective and replied, “I remember that, but our budget was strained thinner than my mother-in-law’s yoga pants, and I just couldn’t fork out the cabbage at that time.”

“That’s when the decision was made to correct the water softener’s setpoint and turn up the polymer levels a bit to see how they would clean up on their own, with hopes the budget would allow for acid cleaning this year, if still needed.”

“You’re right, Detective!  Looking at these boilers, I’d say our plan was working!”

“I would agree, Peter.  But let’s talk about that acid cleaning of the boiler again.  It’s obviously still needed.  How’s that budget looking this year?  As the report mentioned last year, the savings in boiler fuel would probably more than cover the expense,” inquired the water detective.

“Thankfully, the budget is looking a bit better.  Let’s talk in my office.”

“Sure thing.”

“And Detective H2O,” continued Peter.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not making me feel like an idiot.  When I called you in all up in arms yelling the sky was falling, don’t think I didn’t notice how you gently took me from a raving lunatic to a partner in crime.”

“You’re anything BUT an idiot, Peter.”

“I’ve been called worse, but you’re a class act, Detective.  A real class act.”

* * *

In the underbelly and penthouses of the metropolis of Waterville, where the boilers percolate and cooling towers fog, there is one man who works tirelessly to end corrosion, stop scale, fight lowlife microbes, and conserve water.  That man is Detective H2O.  Best water treater this side of the Ohio.  Solving water problems drop by drop.