Our Nonhuman Experiences

Date First Written: 5 February 2022

Below is a breakdown in general facets of our nonhuman state of being. The list is far from comprehensive and doesn't go into a great amount of detail due to the diversity of animal natures in our system. It just lists some of the more easily to categorize or note experiences.

What Is Shifting?

The term shifting within the therian community came from the word shapeshifting, which is in reference to werewolves in folklore, fiction, and mythology as that was the original focus of alt.horror.werewolves before becoming the birthplace of the therian community. Shifting refers to a temporary change of a person's mental state where they experience things which reflects their species identity in some sense or another. An altered state where someone feels, senses, and/or experiences themselves and/or the world around them in a more instinctual, animalistic, or generally nonhuman way for a period. Not all who identify as nonhuman have shifts as some have constant experiences that they relate to identifying as nonhuman.

Our State of Nonhuman Experiences

We do not experience shifting anymore, but we used to experience them. Our experiences with shifting began sometime in our childhood. As we grew into our teens their frequency and duration slowly grew as well. By the time we were in our late teens their extent had expanded to the point we were more often experiencing something to some degree, than not. This continued to the point that, by our early 20s, our experiences were simply a constant state with only some fluctuations in strength or vividness. As we have grown older these fluctuations have become less and less.

Our Nonhuman Experiences Include:

Overall Feeling of Being Nonhuman & Not Belonging Even While Knowing Our Body Was Human – We experience an overall feeling of being nonhuman and being out of place in both our body and our life. We feel some extent of dissociation or just a feeling of being the odd-one-out or alien in society. We simply having a feeling deep inside that we are a step outside of the (human) world and the "norm."

Nonhuman Self-Image – Our self-image does not match our physical body at all. A self-image is how you picture yourself in your own mind. We don’t think of our body when we think of ourselves as individuals. We see ourselves in our mind’s eye as nonhumans even if our body is physically human. This results in things like not having a personal attachment or "oh that's me" when looking in a mirror or at photos and instead having that reaction to drawings of us or photos of our species.

Species Dysphoria – We experience dysphoria (feeling discontent, discomfort, restlessness, dissatisfaction, depression, anxiety, and/or unease) associated with the feeling that our physical body is the wrong species, or otherwise feel there is a mismatch between our physical body and species identity. Our dysphoria is an ever-present hurtle that comes with fronting. Sometimes the dysphoria is better or worse, but it is always there. In effects some people more than others, as well what exactly causes the dysphoria to rise.

Body Species Dysphoria – A specific type of species dysphoria we experience that deals with dysphoria focused around how our physical body (as a whole or parts of it) differs in species to how we feel. The whole “born in the wrong body” sort of feelings. This is the most common type of dysphoria for us. This dysphoria is an ever-present aspect of dealing with front. What this body dysphoria latches onto varies from person to person based on their species. What one aspect of our physical body brings the most dysphoria might not be what effects someone else the most.

Social Species Dysphoria – A specific type of species dysphoria we experience that deals with dysphoria focused around how others perceive a person as a species different than how one feels. Things like people pointing out our humanness (i.e. “you’re only human”) can really hit us with a mental incongruence and dissociation. This is the second most common type of dysphoria we experience. A common social dysphoria for us is being referred to as terms used to describe a human of a certain gender (i.e. man, woman, miss, ma’am, sir, and so on) because it hits upon both our species and gender dysphoria.

Species Euphoria – We experience euphoria (feeling happiness, contentment, fulfillment, excitement, and/or relief) associated with feeling that our truer selves are being affirmed or represented in some way, or otherwise feeling a sense of rightness when thinking of ourselves as a nonhuman species. We experience species euphoria from many things: when we are able to talk openly about our experiences to people, those close to us acknowledging our species in some way, using photos of our species or drawings of ourselves in-place of family pictures around our home, and more.

Body Modification – Body modification is the intentional permanent or semi permanent alteration of the human body. Some of the most common types of body modification include piercings, tattoos, and hair dying. Given how deeply embedded into the idea transformation from human to animal is in the psyche of humankind, it naturally exists strongly in the therian community. Given how spontaneous radical transformation to human to nonhuman animal isn't possible, a few people wish to turn to body modification instead. The only body modifications we have had all directly relate to gender confirmation, but we would be lying if we said we haven't found some aspects of our physical transition haven't also eased species dysphoria by a tiny bit as well which has also been nice.

Body Decoration – More commonly just called therian "gear" in the therian community. Therianthropy is about internal experiences and is not dependent on physical expressions, but some enjoy finding ways to outwardly express how they feel internally. Common items seen as gear include: tails (real or flax), animal-themed T-shirts, collars, and ears but other kinds of apparel from shawls with wing designs to gloves and socks made to look paws and more can also be seen in use in the community by some. For us, due to being a system, tend to be less species specific in our decoration. We own a Theta Delta necklace we only take off to sleep and shower. We also own a pair of small fang tips that go over our top canine teeth, some animal-themed shirts, and a few others small things like that. Wearing these things are nice to help us feel like we are expressing our nonhumanity in a small physical way.

Nonhuman Existence in Our Innerworld – As part of being a multiple system, we have an innerworld, a landscape where we exist in our own bodies and where we can interact with each other. From our perspective, it is where we live whereas the world around our physically body is more of a place we visit. Our bodies in our innerworld naturally take the form of whatever our species is (or an amalgamation of their species if they are more than one). People that front a lot often (but not always) also gain some sort of anthropomorphic form as well which they also use in our innerworld from time to time. Because of the existence of our innerworld, if whomever is fronting begins experiencing severe dysphoria they have the opportunity simply switch with someone else.

Full Phantom Body – A phantom limb is a tactical sensation of having body parts attached to the body that aren’t physically there. A more specific kind of phantom limb, a supernumerary phantom limb is a tactical sensation of having body parts attached to the body that have never been physically there at all. For us, rather than just a limb or two, we experience a full phantom body. Whomever of us that is fronting at any given time experiences the tactical sensation of nonhuman shape existing and overlapping our physical body. For however long any one of us is at front, the person fronting experiences a phantom limb overlapping the physical body and mirror the body’s actions and movements to however much is possible to whatever limitations their species has. Those of us who front often that have anthropomorphic forms often experience a phantom body in that shape instead, but this is not always the case.

Projecting – We experience a type of out-of-body experience in which someone who is not fronting perceives themselves as being outside of our physical body (often while the body is fully awake is in use by someone fronting). We call this type of out-of-body experience, projection among us. The person projecting experiences themselves as if they were a ghost wandering the physical world. The person who is fronting while someone is projecting can "see" those projecting in that they know the person projecting isn't physically there and can "see" through them, but they can still "see" them nonetheless. (They can also "hear" and "feel" them as well in a similar there but aware they're not physically there way.) When a person is projecting their form is naturally that of their species. Some of us project more than others. We can be as near or far from our physical body while projecting as desired. There is technically no limit to how many people can project at once but outside of specific spiritual purposes, it is rare for more than a two dozen people to be projecting at a single time and most of the time it's not even that many.

Journeying – Another type of out-of-body experience we have is when someone who is not fronting perceives themselves as being on a spiritual plane of existence rather in our innerworld. We call this type of out-of-body experience, journeying among us. It is basically, to use anthropological and spiritual terminology, shamanic journeying though we do not use the word "shamanic" for obvious reasons. When a person is projecting their form is naturally that of their species. Journeying for us is an experience where our nonhumanity and our spirituality intertwine so extensively, they cannot be separated. Whereas projecting has both mundane (just hanging out and having fun) and sacred usage (interacting with spirits, small rituals, etc), journeying almost strictly and only is used for sacred reasons: traveling to interact with spirits and deities, to our seasonal rites, and more.

Nonhuman In Our Dreams – The shape we take in our dreams is almost always influenced by what we expect our shapes to be. Thus, our forms in our dreams reflect our nonhuman species as a default more or less. What we dream about fairly often has references or themes that relate to our plurality and nonhumanity to some extent or another, but sometimes our dreams have nothing to do with our nonhumanity outside of our being nonhuman. (Dreams about work, etc but we're nonhuman shaped but treated as a human as if the dream characters don't notice our nonhumanity.) Dreams where we completely act as our nonhuman species is also common. Lucid dreams are something we sometimes experience and are much enjoyed for the treats they are.

Our Nonhumanity Effecting Our Relationship with Our Senses – Our senses aren't any different than people who identify as human (that we're aware of). None the less our nonhumanity effects how we treat our senses and how we feel about their limitations. We wear corrective lenses due to severe near-sightedness which negatively impacts those of us whose species has extremely keen eyesight. Even when our eyesight wasn't disabling, those with species who depended on their eyes felt very limited in what our physical body can see. Others in our system feel a sense of awe at the range of human vision. This scenario plays out similarly with our other senses as well. A lot of us pay strong attention to our sense of smell and/or hearing, with many of us feeling limited on how little the human nose and/or ears can actual pick-up. Also, we also seems to just pay attention to what our senses tell us more than most people as we seem more keen to small things our senses pick-up that other people either filter out and don't notice until it is directly pointed out and they pay attention.

Hard Time Learning & Understanding (Human) Social Norms – Knowing and understand social norms and etiquette are an important part of being functional in human society. That is just how life is for anyone. Different cultures have their own variations on proper socially acceptable etiquette. Even other animals have ‘ways things are done” that the follow. We have never intuitively stepped into the social norms and etiquette of human society yet seem to easily pick-up on the social cues and etiquette of nonhuman animals. We can blame some of this on our autism, but it certainly compliments our nonhumanity; or perhaps, our nonhumanity makes our lack of naturally "getting" social interactions more of a struggle. It is not a matter of us not know what social norms there are. (Though we did have some more trouble growing up learning them as opposed the average person it seems). It is more we do not fully understand the rationale behind them most of the time. Many human concepts have always made little to no sense, and human conventions seem alien. We have an unusual inability to become fully familiar with any number of standard human behaviors and experiences. We know of these human behaviors, but they come across as alien and do not naturally appear in our own behavior. It feels like everyone naturally came into this world knowing some set of unwritten rules that we weren't born with. We're never been able to follow to cues other people take for granted. We've only partially ever been able to act like society thinks is acceptable. We find the social rat race of human life rather meaningless and hollow. We often have to try to "act human" due to so many of our impulses being outside the norm of human behaviors. We generally feel out of place.

Connecting to Our Nonhumanity & Non-verbal Thinking – The thought processes that goes on in our brain is almost entirely made up of non-words. Whether it be the communication between us or our own personal thoughts, what goes on in our minds is not a string of speech-based thoughts. Rather it is almost entirely made-up of images, smells, non-word sounds, sensations, tastes, emotions, and even bits of memories. Very rarely are words a part of our thinking process. Language is a thing strongly associated with humans alone and so is the ability to think in abstract ways. However, our way of processing information is different than the norm. Likely caused by or strongly influenced with our autism we strongly associate with our nonhumanity as well.

Nonhumanity Effecting Our Verbal Language - Non-word Speaking / Making Non-word Sounds – Language is an important part of daily human existence. Depending on what field of expertise you ask, who in that field you ask, or how you ask the question – some will say that language is the thing that differentiates us from other animals. Our relationship with verbal language is strange and we associate some of our challenges and quirks with our nonhumanity. We do not know the technically term it, but throughout our life we have episodes where we sometimes have bouts were we have trouble speaking. Not in a physical way, but something psychological. Something in our brain just sometimes does not click and speaking does not automatically come to mind, does not feel instinctively natural, or words are hard to bring forth. We feel like nonhuman animals, struggling with this thing so associated with humans - speech. Yet, even though we sometimes struggle with speaking, that does not mean we do not make any sound at all sometimes. Not all sounds our human vocal cords make are words. Many of us in our system deal with the impulse to make sounds relating our species. Depending upon their species, one of us might snarl, growl, hiss, croon, chirp, and so on. Of course, we know better than vocalize these impulses most of the time, but that doesn't mean the impulse isn't there.

Nonhumanity Effecting Our Body Language – Body language seems so innocuous but can be very powerful. Our natural body language is outside the normal quirks of body language in humans. For each of us body language, when not tamped down, tends to have a flair of what each of our specific species would do. Basically, we naturally find ourselves having mannerisms more similar to the body language of nonhuman species. Wolves baring teeth, horses tossing their head, and more. Also, a lot of our behaviors are a weird mix of normal human behaviors and animalistic behaviors. For example, humans smile in happiness while many nonhuman animals bare teeth in warning. We do both as natural forms of expression. We also sometimes confuse the body language our phantom body's show for cues our physical body needs to give. An avian member of our system gesture with a wing instead a physical human arm, someone's phantom wolf body showing obvious signs of stress and anxiety but nothing with the human body, and more.

Nonhumanity Effecting Our Body Movement & Posture – Many of us deal with wanting to more in ways more akin to those of our species. Many of us have habits and mannerisms that reflect our theriotypes. Some of us catch ourselves trying to move in a gait similar to our species, which doesn’t work well on two legs. This often led to us moving our arms up into the air at various paces to our steps depending upon who was fronting. It is also a common experience among the quadrupedal members in our multiple system deal with feeling an impulse to walk on all fours. We know our body is not built to run on all fours or whatnot, but the impulse us still there. Sometimes some of us catch ourselves walking digitigrade at the very least even. If we try to sit or lay like our species, it can feel awkward or even hurt, or we just might topple over all together. Some of us, mostly some of the dragons and all of the snakes, also have the instinct to curl all the way around something but the human body is not that flexible in the slightest. More specific things include the sharks in our system being are pacers as they dislike standing or sitting still for long and naturally prefer to keep moving, while on the other hand the winged ones in our system desire flight deep in their bones. All these little things and more influence how we move in our system's physical body when we front.

Nonhumanity Effecting How We React To Fear – Our nonhumanity also effects how we react and deal with fear. How we exactly fight, flee, or freeze overall can have a more animalistic demeanor to it. Wild animals tend to be more wary or fearful of humans. Our system are survivors of assault, abuse, and threats several times over so between our therianthropy and personal past experiences - we are fearful of people. Even the predatory animals in our system have some "prey mind" as well for few predators truly have nothing to fear of being prey for someone else. Many of the hoofed members of our system have spooked, bolted, and even kicked as an automatic response to fear in a way less human-like and more animalistic manner. As a startle/fear fight response, many of us, especially the canines and felines have been known to automatically curl the body's lips and bare teeth. So, on and so forth.

Nonhumanity Effecting Our Food Drive (Prey Drive, etc) – Many of us have some amount of instincts around food have quirks to them that hint toward our species. Those of us whose species are predatory have prey drives, those of us who are herbivores have grazing drives, and so on. We don't act on the instincts (even if we wanted to for some reason, most of instincts aren't possible or safe as a human anyway), but that doesn't mean they aren't there in the back of our minds. We're never a danger to anyone more than any other random person is. We just have these gut instincts that come and then get filtered or filed away without significant problems or mental struggle really. Due to being able to eat on a regular basis, the such food drive rarely kicks in out of hunger. Sometimes certain kinds of movement can trigger a drive to chase in the predators in our system, but they avoid chasing. So, on and so forth.

Nonhumanity Effecting Our Possessiveness: Territory, Food, & More – Many of us have varying levels of territorial instincts. For most of us this is focused around our home and our "stuff." We specifically are territorial about things like our bed. The dragons in our system have hoarding instincts and overall have possessive instincts around "shiny things." Many of us have food anxiety (people being near us while we eat/ fear of people taking our food) despite not having any childhood cause of such an instinct. Things such as that.

Nonhumanity Effecting Other Instincts – There are, of course, many other kinds of gut feelings and drives we have that are or we read as nonhuman/animalistic. The reptiles and dragons have sun basking/heat-seeking instincts, several of us have instincts to show affection via face-rubbing, light head-bonking, and love nips, and much more, a number of people have the instinct to bite or claw at the idea of getting into a physical altercation, and so on. Various little things are animalistic or, at the very least, can be are read as such.

Hiraeth – A word that means a sense of deep, inborn, yearning, for a place beyond this plane of existence. A longing for a home which maybe never was. Homesickness for a home to which you cannot return. Many of us have this feeling to some degree. For many of us, we look upon parts of the world, the natural home of our species, with longing and nostalgia for a body and life we once had or might have had. Others, whose past stretch beyond this reality and into another, feel a sense of homesickness for a world they are so far away from. For some of us this feeling is fleeting, but for others it can bare hard on them.

Past Life Memories of Being Nonhuman – A fair portion of people in our system have some amount of memories from a past-life. These memories come in varying levels of completeness and vividness. These memories also have varying levels of impact on them in this life (ranging from just nostalgia or moments of confusion to nightmares and flashbacks). These memories act and feel like any old memories for those that have them.

Connection with The Environment As Nonhuman – The noise of civilization (many people talking, sirens, cars hocking, etc) is all too much for our senses to handle for any length of time. A fair number of us can get to feeling claustrophobic or feel "caged in" when indoors. Many of us, instead feel or find that being outside is the only way to ease the anxiety of civilization. Overall, we just have a strong connection with “nature” and we associate it with our nonhumanity. Nature is a very nice experience for anyone, but for us being in nature often carriers with it a strong sense of rightness that feels beyond what is normally experienced or at least talked about among non-therians. The importance of nature is paramount to us. When and where possible we go or at least look outside. It just helps to get outside and rest from time to time. It feels reinvigorating to, however briefly, step away from our humanity and indulge in what sooths our animality. Each of us in this multiple system have a notable preference toward natural settings that our theriotype would most find suited their species, but just about any outside setting is generally enjoyed regardless of compatibility with theriotype.

An Overall Sense of Noemata Regarding Being Nonhuman – Noemata (singular: noema) within the alterhuman community means knowledge or information gleamed about one’s kintype or the life of one’s kintype. Each of us have a lot of intuitive knowledge about our species. Most of the time, its very minor things, but sometimes it can fairly extensive.