Thinking back on how my learning process has changed and developed me into who I am today, or more specifically how I ended up on the path I am on currently within the Honors and Business colleges, it all seems very much like a mistake. From a young age I was always taught to have a desire to learn more and achieve as much as possible, but since I was (dare I say it) a naturally gifted child in many facets, I never found myself really challenged in my learning until perhaps the seventh grade. Of course, there are moments I can remember in which I, being the stubborn child I was, did not want to do my homework or go to school… but all of these desires were simply the result of adolescent frivolity, not consequences of especially challenging academics.
Due to the ease of my education up to that point, I didn’t know how to overcome concepts that were personally difficult for me to understand. I had always had more trouble with mathematics than any other subject in school, so when my seventh grade algebra teacher taught us pythagorean theorem and basic balancing of equations I instantly became lost. Now, this was very elementary principles, so I managed to wiggle my way through with a C in the class-- however, from that point on I never truly put my best effort into any math class I was taking. My (incorrect and very lazy) thinking was that if I wasn’t going to be able to understand the material, then why should I even put forth much of an attempt? This obviously flawed thinking got me into some trouble in high school, from Bs in math based science classes, to Cs and Ds in pure mathematics. I understand that many students would be fine with a B, but I was a high achieving student whose parents had even higher expectations for me. I was a failure. I was always disappointed and disgusted with my habit of not trying, but alas, the voice in my head screaming, “You’ll never really be good at this!” almost always prevailed.
Eventually I found that same voice intruding other parts of me. I began to become anxious over my social life, over things that never really mattered, over my own identity. At that point in my life I only knew how to accept things that came easily, but through some great teachers and mentors I began to gradually reflect on who I really am as a person. I learned that those things which challenge us are the things which allow us to grow the most, and I began to run toward them with full force, rather than hiding away from them or masking them with other falsities. I discovered that taking the proper time and effort into things which are difficult not only allows you to better learn those topics, but also sharpens your perspective on other knowledge that came easily to you the first time. I slowly entered into this new thought pattern of learning: encounter a challenge, embrace the challenge consistently, overcome the challenge, gain new perspective.
This new way of thinking was obviously put to the test multiple times as I began taking AP coursework. The stressful workload of these courses not only reaffirmed my belief in this way of learning, but also showed me that much of the effectiveness of the method comes from the learner putting in hard work and time. This is something with which I am still perfecting as my learning process continues to grow. Despite my newfound resolve, most of the damage I had done to myself regarding mathematics was irreversible, thus I continued to gravitate towards learning about the humanities-- especially art, literature, theatre, and history. I became the leader of my high school’s history club and starred in several shows. I loved it, and not only did I learn more about being a confident leader who is able to chase down challenges, but I also seriously began to consider careers that included such aspects.
Since birth I had been raised in a full gospel, pentecostal based, evangelical church. My faith was at the center of my very being, so as my desire to study literature (The Bible), interact with and help others (the congregation), began growing, so did my intent to go to seminary and become the pastor of a small church. The job had everything I wanted: social interaction, high purpose, reflective in nature. It was perfect… until it wasn’t. Seminary was mercilessly expensive, and for a pastor’s income, a large amount of student loans would not be preferable. Thus, I was forced to switch from going to seminary to going to NKU. I wasn’t sure what to think at first-- there seemed to be infinitely new challenges.
So, I embraced them.
In theory, a church is a non-profit business. A church has to pay its staff, make sure the lights will be on, replace the water heater every ten years, and invest in new projects, just like any other corporate business. Therefore, it made sense to study in the Haile/US Bank College of Business. Once I decided that, I began looking at the majors which are offered-- things like personal management and public administration. This sounded appealing, but above them all rose my current major, human resource management. Just like a pastor, human resource managers work to resolve conflict, to make others’ lives better, and they even look at things like labor and employment law to better understand their employees situations. Human resource managers put everything they can into helping the people who depend on them, and to me that seemed to be nearly exactly what I wanted out of a job.
As I continue learning at NKU, I’ve become even more reflective on challenges and growth. As a commuting student-- a very far commuting student-- my first semester wasn’t exactly a breeze. Although I took mainly general education credits, my learning was challenged by new dilemmas: waking up earlier than normal to get to school on time and beat traffic, working weird times after school to help pay for spring tuition and gas, dealing with a completely unfamiliar place and so many new people. My brain went on overload! I began to take in so much information it was exhausting. Ninety percent of the time I found my mental state had become a mix anxiety, excitement, and altogether confusion. It was in these moments that I relearned, with even more importance and emphasis, the value of reflecting on what you are facing every day so that you can learn from it and become a better person and, ultimately, a better learner.
Now, as I enter my second semester at NKU and at the Honors College, I feel that I am more prepared to investigate my own reasons for why I do what I do-- in fact, I almost look forward to it, as I know it will only produce an even better Logan Fields at the end of the process. I am more confident now than ever before, not because I believe I will have little hardships this semester, but rather, on the contrary, because I believe that it will be full of opportunities to continue learning and growing toward a greater purpose, simply disguised as hardships.
Ultimately, I intend to continue to pursue my increase in inclusivity and thoughtfulness through my study of Calvinist and Arminian viewpoints on predestination (which you will read herein). By going back to my roots of faith and religion I am able to pursue this new information with passion, while depending on my open-minded ideals to guide me away from any inherent bias that I may have. Even though I am a Human Resource Management major, being in the Honors College has allowed me to continue to study religion in an in depth and objective way that I wouldn't have even gotten at seminary. Through this I have learned so much already, but intend to learn even more through my new research.