Making Friends in Minnesota

Anxiety has always been a huge part of my life. I constantly let it take control because it seemed like it would keep me safe, but there are some things that I didn’t need to be kept safe from. I’d avoid situations that would require me to speak to people that I’m not familiar with since I’m afraid they’ll react badly. Even if it’s not absolute, just the potential that something could go wrong- the idea of having a bad experience- is terrifying. Ordering food for a minute is already an absolute nightmare for me, much less talking to people that I would spend a week with while living in the same house. Fortunately, after the last two attempts to converse, I only met one other of the children afterwards and he usually stayed at his girlfriend’s place.

The day before I left, my mom’s friend showed us to the Mall of America. In the mall was a Nickelodeon themed amusement park, where my mother left me while she walked around the rest of the mall with her friend. While I finally found something in Minnesota worth talking about, there was no one to enjoy it with me. With my mom gone, I was left standing at the entrance, holding the ticket in my hand. Looking around, I saw so many people swarming around me and yet I felt so alone.

Before contemplating which ride to go on first, the first thing I thought of was all the times I went to an amusement park in the past. I usually had help with choosing which rides to go on, and I was used to being dragged to the more intimidating rides. There would always be someone to convince me that it wasn’t actually as bad as it seemed. I was never alone then but this time was different.

I looked towards the sky- at the massive roller coaster rides. I walked around and when I reached the nearest interesting ride, I panicked at the thought of going alone. I didn’t have the guts to go on the more extreme ones on my own so I picked out one that seemed tame in comparison. The line wasn’t very long for the ride and its orange rail went around almost the entire park. I figured it would be more of a scenic route than anything else. As I waited, they distributed the people in line along these gates that would open to each cart that you’d be seated in for the ride. While most had two in each gate, I would be sitting by myself.

When the two people ahead of me went in, I looked around for another person on their own in hopes of pairing up and saw this beautiful girl to my right. She seemed to be on her own so I thought maybe I could sit with her on this ride and then explore the park together. Before I could muster up the courage to speak, a boy with similar features came up to her and they seemed to be boarding the car together. Of course, she had a companion while I continued to be by my lonesome.

I was resigned to my fate so when the gates opened, I walked over dejectedly to the other side of the platform to put my things in the little cubby that they provide. However, when I was walking back, I found that a couple had taken the whole cart for themselves. I was speechless; what could I even say? The idea of confronting them terrified me. Taking a deep breath, I walked to the cart behind them. I could feel myself shaking as I leaned down and asked a guy that looked around my age, “Yo, they took my seat… can I sit with you?”

I would love to say that we’ve been friends ever since but I felt like dying of embarrassment afterwards. Luckily he didn’t leave me hanging- he nodded in consent actually tried talking to me on the ride. “This isn’t so bad, I don’t know what they’re screaming for,” he told me as we went for a loop. I laughed but I was actually really scared. I just couldn’t help but be competitive, like I couldn’t be less tough than he was. We started talking about the other rides and how I definitely wanted to go on the ride with the steepest fall. As the ride went on I started to get anxious about what would happen after the ride ended, would I be alone again? I didn’t want to be but asking to tag along also seemed scary- what if he refused?

When the ride ended, I still had that nagging feeling in my mind that it was risky. I struggled to convince myself that his refusal wouldn’t be akin to the end of the world. As he gathered his belongings from the cubby beside mine, I put on a smile and asked, “Hey, could I tag along with you? My parents just kinda left me alone.” At first I thought I overshared when I saw the awkward look on his face. My breath caught when I jumped to the conclusion that he was finding a way to refuse. However, to my relief he instead asked me if I was sure I wanted to hang out with him since he had younger cousins around. Turns out he was in Minnesota for a wedding, which was why he had a lot of family with him already. I spent the rest of the time at the park with him and his cousins, going from ride to ride. During that time, the dread I had that everything would go wrong disappeared. The wall of anxiousness just melted away when I managed to carry along a conversation.

This experience helped me a lot in preparation for college life. I found that many students in most of my classes aren’t very talkative. I had the similar feeling of being surrounded by people yet feeling so alone. Yet despite this, my time at Minnesota helped me realize that sometimes, I have to start first or I’ll never get anywhere. Even if I don’t think anything will happen, I should still take the first step.