When someone close to you starts acting differently around food or their body, it can be hard to know what to do. You might notice them skipping meals, obsessing over calories, or withdrawing from social events. You may even hear them make harsh comments about their body or appearance. These signs can be worrying—and for good reason. Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions, and early support from friends can make a real difference. If you think someone you care about is struggling, don’t ignore it. Knowing how to speak up and be there for them matters more than you might think. The goal isn’t to fix them. It’s to show that you care and to help them feel safe enough to seek help.
Eating disorders don’t always look the same. Some people lose weight quickly, others may not show any physical changes at all. What matters more is behavior. Pay attention to what they say about their body, how they eat, and how they talk about food. Skipping meals, obsessing over food ingredients, spending long hours at the gym, and avoiding social situations where food is involved can all be red flags. You don’t have to diagnose them—just notice when something feels off. Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to take that seriously.
The idea of bringing it up might make you nervous. You don’t want to offend them or push them away. That’s normal. The best way to begin is by picking a private, quiet place where you can both speak openly. Stay calm and gentle. Focus on what you’ve noticed without sounding like you’re judging them. For example, say, “I’ve noticed you haven’t been eating much lately, and I’m worried about you.” Keep it about your concern, not their behavior. Avoid any talk about weight, appearance, or what they’re eating. That can easily make them feel defensive or ashamed.
Once you’ve opened the conversation, let them talk. They may feel scared, embarrassed, or confused about how to respond. They might even deny there’s a problem. Don’t argue or try to convince them. Just listen. Let them know you’re there, no matter what. You can say, “You don’t have to go through this alone,” or “If you ever want to talk, I’m here.” It may take time for them to open up. Your role is to keep the door open without pressuring them.
You might feel tempted to offer solutions like “Just eat more” or “You look fine.” These comments might seem harmless, but they can feel dismissive or even hurtful. Eating disorders aren’t about food—they’re about deeper struggles like anxiety, control, low self-worth, or trauma. That’s why comments focused on eating habits or appearance rarely help. Instead of offering advice, show support. Say things like, “I care about you and want you to be okay.” That alone can mean more than trying to fix it.
It’s okay to suggest talking to a doctor or therapist, but do it gently. You might say, “Have you thought about speaking to someone who can help?” If they say no, don’t push. You can offer to help them find resources or even go with them to an appointment if they want. But always let them decide what’s next. Recovery takes time and has to come from their own decision to seek help. Your role is to support—not to steer.
Even if they deny having a problem, don’t disappear. Stay in touch. Ask how they’re doing in general, not just about food. Invite them to hang out. Send a message to let them know you’re thinking of them. Small gestures can make them feel valued and less alone. If they do open up later, they’ll remember who stood by them without judgment.
Supporting someone with an eating disorder can feel emotionally heavy. It’s easy to get frustrated, overwhelmed, or sad. That’s why your own mental well-being matters too. Talk to someone you trust, whether it's a friend, counselor, or support group. Helping someone else shouldn’t come at the cost of your own emotional health. You can be there for them without carrying the weight alone.
They are more than their eating disorder. Don’t let your conversations only revolve around food or recovery. Laugh together. Share memories. Do things you both enjoy. These moments remind them they’re still the same person and give them a break from the constant pressure they might feel inside. Your friendship can be a safe space, and that means a lot when everything else feels hard for them.
They might act distant or even get angry when you bring things up. This isn’t about you. Eating disorders often come with fear, shame, and a strong desire to hide. It’s their way of protecting themselves. Try not to let it make you back away completely. Staying patient and steady shows you care—even if they can’t show appreciation right away.
You don’t have to have all the answers. Just being there makes a difference. People facing eating disorders often feel alone, ashamed, or misunderstood. Your kindness, patience, and willingness to show up can be the first step toward their healing. Keep the door open. Keep showing up. Keep being a friend.