Strategies

Working as a Team

It is important to recognize that providing adequate support for grieving students in the classroom requires a team approach.

Although by nature many teachers have a desire to “fix” things, it is important to acknowledge that the student and their family may need to be directed to other supports and resources within the school district and possibly within the community. The teacher is likely on the front line of the student’s grief, but it is essential to recognize that teachers are not expected to work as bereavement counselors. In supporting the teacher and the grieving student, several schools have “resource teams consisting of the head teacher, school counsellor, milieu/social teacher (employed to have a special focus on school satisfaction, motivation, home conditions, absence of concern, etc.), and the school nurse”(Dyregrov et al., 2015, 294).

Teachers can take the role of a learner and learn all that they can about the resources and people available to assist the student.

Acknowledging the connection between Grief and Behavior

It is important to see human-behavior as a way to communicate. “Children are often times unable to identify their feelings and instead act out their emotions” (McClatchey and Peters, 2015, p.16). Common acting-out behaviors among children are anger outbursts, disobedience, and aggression” (McClatchey and Peters, 2015, p.16). Additionally, “some reactions common in bereaved children are depression, separation anxiety, social withdrawal, physical symptoms, disobedience, frustration, and confusion” (McClatchey and Peters, 2015, p.16). With grief, children may lose interest in the activities they once loved. They also may develop a fear of being alone. Children may imitate the dead person, constantly share that they want to be with the dead person and imagine that they are interacting with their decease loved one. (AACAP, 2018).

Changed behavior can serve as a red flag. If a teacher is working with a student who typically has an outgoing personality and suddenly the child displays reclusive behavior, that is a change would be worth investigating.

In investigating behavior, it is also important for educators to attempt to make connections to student behavior and grief. Acknowledging the connection between the two allows educators to seek support for the child and minimizes the chances of misunderstandings in the classroom setting.

Avoiding Cliches

The language that teachers choose to use is important. Often times well-meaning people will use common cliches and metaphors that can make death more confusing for children.

The abstract phrases that are frequently used can be problematic due to the fact children are typically literal. For example, the use of rest in peace makes it sound as though the deceased are sleeping. “It is not uncommon for going to sleep to be used as a euphemism for death, but the effect on a small child is to cause them severe anxieties about going to sleep at all” (Colwell & Jackson, 2001, p. 101). When the word lost is used that also can be complicated for children because it implies that the individual may return or be found.

Along with strategically choosing words, teachers may need to explain the death in kid-friendly terms. For example, if a student’s sibling dies of Leukemia, the teacher may need to explain to the class that it is a disease that cannot be “caught” or “spread”. By intentionally using speech that is filled with compassion and direct, teachers can eliminate any potential areas of confusion.

Conversations concerning death and loss are often perceived as awkward. Due to the uncomfortable nature, it is typical to respond with cliches. Some alternatives to use instead of the common cliches include “I’m sorry. I’m thinking of you.I know this is terribly hard—it must hurt so much. I won’t forget him [her]. He [she] was very special because “ (Smith, 2012). It is also important to recognize that taking the role of being a listener can also be reassuring to the grieving individual.

Practicing Mindfulness

Depending on the school setting and the parents within the classroom mindfulness can be incorporated into the classroom in a variety of ways. Some schools may set aside a specific time in the school day to pray and ponder. Other schools may encourage participating in mediation, yoga, or breathing exercises.

Mindfulness practices provide an opportunity the brain a hiatus from processing information. Providing children with access with mindfulness strategies and breathing exercises can allow them to calm their sympathetic nervous system and activate the parasympathetic nervous system.

Reading Books

Literature provides children with “mirrors” and “windows.” Using the mirror and window analogy, children are able to see themselves or develop understanding of others.

Literature can serve as both non-examples and examples using modeling. Books can show characters responding to others with empathy and healthy methods for coping with grief.

Another benefit to using literature is that the texts can be adapted for specific students. The names of the characters and the text in the books can be modified to fit the needs of the students.