My essay focuses on growing up in an Asian household and how my childhood, along with friendships, helped grow my emotional intelligence. I share my experiences self-reflecting and how it led me to truly appreciate connection and diversity.
Reclaiming My Story
Growing up, there was a clear distinction between my world and everyone else. Eating different foods and listening to different songs was the norm. However, there was more to these differences than food and skin color. The hierarchy in the house was a strict, non-negotionable, unspoken rule since birth. A very traditional stance, people would say. From the ripe old age of 10, I was trained to do all the chores in the house, from ironing uniforms to vacuuming the house. Refusal to do these chores, or any expressed dissent was considered unexpected and wrong. But that is how it is, and that is how it has always been.
Yet through all this, I don’t and never will blame my parents. Since both of them grew up in Asia, all of this emotional and mental turmoil was always hidden and ignored. That’s how they grew up, and their parents, and so forth. A common experience among other Asian-Americans I’m sure. Quiet dinners and days without talking. Avoiding eye contact. Both sides not knowing how to express their feelings. Both sides too stubborn to reconcile. Eventually it will fade away with time, but the scars never will. This culture in a diverse and outspoken nation such as America, has affected an entire generation and has ultimately made us who we are. Everyone deals with circumstances differently, and I chose to change myself for the better.
I guess I couldn’t help it, but as a child I was blunt and ignorant of others and my own feelings. I can recall all the times where I would say something that I probably shouldn’t have to a friend, and continue on like nothing happened. I remember the looks on their faces, and looking back, I knew something had to change.
At first I looked inwards, reflecting on both past and present situations to see how my actions affect others. Journaling and reflecting became a habit for me, or whenever I didn’t know how to express my emotions, I would take a moment to analyze how I felt. Being raised in a traditional Asian household shaped me to function and rely on logic and reason rather than emotion, as that would be the only way to try to communicate. Therefore, I would spend nights in my cold bed, thinking about who I am as a person. I have learned early on to take an objective point of view as a mental “step back” from my situation. After lots of reflection, I understood what it meant to be emotionally intelligent. It was only through trial and error and my environment that led me to be able to understand and process my emotions in a healthy way.
Yet when it came to how my emotions were presented through my actions, I relied on others on information. I can remember the exact moment I realized I deeply cherished my friendships and so came clean to my friends in order to deepen those friendships. Although not directly, my closest friend whom I consider a sister helped me realize my actions. Whenever I thought about past altercations, I feel embarrassed and sad over how poorly I treated her. One day, we went to the beach together. The one in Camp Pendleton, where the lagoon was quiet and the waves were reduced to small ripples among the surface of the water. The sun was close to setting, and at that warm glow was cast over the rocky jetty. I looked at my friend, and knowing her tendency to hesitate, I confronted her with the words, “Please tell me right now, and be honest, what parts of me are bad.” To others, especially those my age, this may sound like I want to be a people-pleaser, but I know and she knew that it was to better myself on my own accord. Her honesty and understanding helped me while I was growing.
I quickly learn how people’s situations, especially family ones, can affect who they are. Lots of my friends grew up in not so great familial settings, and me being me, I wanted to help them. There was not a lot I could do, or emphasize with, but all I could do was try to be there for them. Another friend, different from the one I previously mentioned, felt that she trusted me enough to open up to be. This was so much of a shock and deeply touching moment to me, and I couldn’t help but to cry along with her in the bathroom after school. Her life story is one that would make anyone cry, but the pure honesty and vulnerability she had with me had me in utter belief. I knew I’m not perfect, and I’m not a licensed therapist, but all I could think about was to provide care and talk her through her sorrow. This is what I wanted to better myself for. Never did I think she would trust me enough to talk about this with me or that she would consider me her family. The sincerity she has with me shaped my understanding of others’ feelings and helped me learn how complex people are.
Every single one of the 8.2 billion people on this planet is unique. Every one of them has a story to tell; whether it be uplifting or sorrowful, funny or wholesome, every story is different. Once I realized that, I could never look at others the same again. There is no way to truly know what goes on in someone’s head. All their emotions, thoughts, ideals, and memories culminated to make who they are as a person. Growing up in a school where it was mostly white dominated, I always thought of myself as an outlier, purely on the physical and cultural differences. But what I failed to notice is, that separation that made me feel excluded never truly existed. Everyone is different, even if they dress the same or look the same; he deeper you learn about someone, the more you realize their unique experiences and being.
All of these ideas, experiences, and traits are what makes me, me. I am a person who values diversity. I am a person who values empathy. Above all, I am a person who values connection. After all, humans are sociable creatures, and although we have a long history of violence and strife, I know for a fact that we are all alike in the sense that we are uniquely special. Never forget that you are special.