HOTTIE OFF THE PRESS
LADIES, GENTS AND ALL THOSE THAT FALL INBETWIXED - GOTGOSS HAS GONE FISHING FOR YOU - TRAWLING THE DEPTHS OF THE WEELKY TIDES COMING AND GOING, SIPHONING OFF THE CHUM - GETTING THE GOODS JUST FOR YOU - AND LET'S JUST SAY - WE NABBED QUITE THE KINGLY CATCH - king Arthur curry.
SOMETHING FISHY???
NO NO! WE TOTALLY GET IT. THERE IS NOT A DROP OF BLUE BLOOD WE HAVE NOT SALAVATED OVER ON THIS GOOD EARTH - WE ARE THIRSTY AND PROUD AFTER ALL. THING IS, WE HAVE BEEN TOILING OVER DRIED UP TOMES AND INSTAGRAMS OF NODDY OLD BATS LOOKING FOR ANY GRANDKIDS LUCKY ENOUGH TO BALD IN THE HOT DIRECTION - WHEN WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN OUR DIVING SUITS IN THE SALTY DEPTHS. BUT TRUST US - LITERAL KING, SINGLE, RICH AS IS, AND A BLOODY LITERAL DADDY WHO CAN'T STOP GUSHING OVER HIS KID. LADIES? SUPERMAN WHO?
NO GILLS - PROMISE
OKAY, SO - HIS 'ROYAL' IMAGE PEOPLE WERE RELUCTANT TO LET US GET HIM OUT OF HIS SUIT, BUT THEY ASSURED US - SEE ABOVE - THAT EVEN IF HE IS FROM ATLANTIS - HE IS LIKE HALF HUMAN - AND EVERYTHING - IS IN PLACE. AND WE BELIEVE THEM.
GUY KNOWS HOW TO USE A FORK.
ALWAYS A PLUS, WE KNOW - BUT BEYOND THAT, THIS IS TECHNICALLY A TRIDENT - A SYMBOL OF HIS THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD DYNASTY. APPARENTLY HE CAN DO MAGIC WITH IT, AND I AM LIKE - THOSE FOREARMS, THAT GRIP - SURE YOU CAN.
SAD BACKSTORY? CHECK!
NOW STAY WITH US YEAH? MOM AND DAD MET - MOM IS LIKE, OCEAN PRINCESS FROM ATLANTIS FAME - YEAH YEAH PLATO YOU WERE RIGHT WHATEVER - CAN'T HAVE A SANCTIONED AFFAIR - ELOPES WHEN SHE GETS PREGGERS AND THEN THE DAD FUCKING DIES! HE SAYS HE MISSES THE GUY A LOT - AND WE JUST HAVE TO ASK - WHAT KIND OF A DADDY COULD GET A PRINCESS TO COME TO HIS LIGHTHOUSE GUARDING ASS? TRULY ONE OF A KIND.
the ex is a seawitch so... oh dammit.
so, yeah. if you the jealous type then we gonna have to spill this right now. yeah he is rich. yeah his daughter is a treasure. yeah he is smart, funny, beloved - of course there is a thorn. and for us thirsty landlubbers - that thorn is this triumph of a redhead. mera is her name. and like - if she was not so disinterested in the surface - partly the reason they broke it off a few years ago - then I would have given her my number just as fast. Arthur has refused to share pictures of his kid - but holy hell must she be a stunning kid with these genes. oh, and yeah - they are on 'good terms' ... dammit.
the stats
enough with all the sad stuff - now that we know our rival - lets look into what this guy has to make all this baggage worth it. Our annalists we sleep with at Forbes have done a full scale runup of this guy. Much of this is speculative so be warned - but we can make one thing clear - this guy won't leave you sleeping on the beach... unless you both are into that.
the seas
there is no simple way to say this so we just gonna say it. the ocean is his - and his people's. we fish in it yeah - but if we even try and be a bit conservative - the natural resources he has access to - blows anything most people up here has out the... well... water. we estimate trillions.
the magic
we know we have said some guys are magic on here in the past. but we made this guy make a whirlpool in our work-hotub and ladies... this guy controls the weather, talks to fish, can open any jar, does not need to breathe air - and more - even if he does not want to tell us.
the stuff
that 456ft 'giga' yacht laying in gotham harbor for the last few weeks? that is his 'home away from home' - called the trident - aptly named, he uses it to travel the world and attend all manner of boring but important political meetings. he also holds stock in green energy and a number of other smaller things that might impress your dad or something.
our verdict
What more can we say. Once in a lifetime do we see this kind of guy. If he has the staying power to keep our attention - we don't know. during our interview he seemed nice, seemed confident and basically everything a girl can dream about. unfortunately, like most of you - we can't catch whatever he likes pitching - so, final thoughts - is it normal to consider a rebound guy after an interview?