Chips and Dip
A short time from now in a galaxy the same as your own, Shopper desperately needed chips and dip. Shopper turned to Bro, his roommate, and said, “Bruh, I need some chips and dip. Can you watch Beauty, the Prius, while I walk to Wally World? I won’t be longer than thirty minutes.”
Bro exhaled his vape and said, “Yeah. I got you, man.”
Shopper replied, “Thanks, dude!”
Bro was starting to get worried when Shopper had not returned in the thirty-minute time frame from the ten miles, uphill-in-the-snow trip to Wally World.
After thirty-one minutes, Bro took this as an opportunity to take the Prius out for a spin. After rounding his last light pole in the ten-story-high parking lot, there was a strategically placed banana peel in his path. The Prius spun out of control and off the tenth story. On the way down, Bro looked at the ground and saw Dolores, a little old lady who lived in the senior center next door, using her walker to get her mail from the center’s mailbox.
Dolores was no more. Bro felt bad about squishing the little old lady, but he reminded himself that Shopper would be returning from Wally World any minute with epic chips and dip. Bro walked away from the totaled Prius unharmed and walked back up to the apartment as if nothing ever happened.
Shopper returned shortly after the tragic accident and asked Bro, "Hey man, how is Beauty?"
Bro said, “She is right where you left her, safe and sound.”
Shopper pretended to believe him after just passing his totaled baby girl in the grass with poor Dolores underneath. While eating the chips and dip, Shopper thought of ways to get revenge, then quickly walked to the bathroom thinking of Bro's precious heirloom. Bro had used his grandfather’s denture cleaning toothbrush since it was gifted to him on his sixteenth birthday. It was the only item left when Bro's grandfather passed, so it was safe to say that this was Bro’s most prized possession. Shopper took it for collateral.
After a couple hours of playing Call of Duty in his bedroom, Shopper walked back into the living room to see Bro having a complete meltdown. Shopper asked, “Bro, what’s up, man?”
“I can’t find my grandfather’s toothbrush, man. It wasn’t in the My Little Pony toothbrush holder where I left it,” Bro yelled freaking out.
Shopper replied in a calm manner, “I think I saw Dolores holding it outside. She must have mistaken it for hers.”
Bro exhaled knowing what he had done. “Yeah. I bet she did. I will go check that out.”
After returning from pretending to ask Dolores if she had his toothbrush, Bro walked into the apartment looking distraught. Shopper said, “Hey man. How did it go? Did Dolores come back from the dead and give you the toothbrush?”
Bro looked shocked. “That’s not funny, dude. How did you know about Beauty and Dolores?”
Shopper responded, “On my way back from Wally World, I saw poor Dolores being crushed by the love of my life right next to our apartment. Can you believe that? Buy me more chips and dip and I will return your toothbrush. Don’t lie to me again. Our bromance is more important, dude. I still feel bad about Dolores.”
Image Info here
This is a retelling of The Merchant and His Iron from the Tales of Bidpai unit, written by Bidpai. You can read the story here. The original story is about the Merchant, who asks his friend to watch over tons of iron while on a trip. The Merchant had a bad feeling about his trip and did not want to risk the chance of having his iron stolen. After some time, the friend thinks the Merchant is dead and uses the iron to pay off his debts. The Merchant returns to a ridiculous story about an iron-eating rat that was in the same room and the Merchant ran into his friend's run in town. The Merchant kidnapped the son and locked him in his basement. The friend was upset and the Merchant returned the favor with a ridiculous excuse about seeing a hawk fly away with a boy who looks like his son. The friend was not happy and he told the Merchant to stop telling him ridiculous stories during such a rough time. The Merchant said that in a town where rats eat tons of iron, it could not be so unthinkable that a hawk flew away with his son. The Merchant told his friend to return all his iron and he will return his beloved son. I did my best to stay focused on the main points in the original story but using my own substitutes. I made the story ridiculous on purpose for humor's sake. I had quite a good time writing this. I hope you all enjoy.