TOEFL Reading Practice

Reading Test, Passage1:

Male and Peínale Communication Styles

1 Differences in the ways men and women communicate is a subject that has been continually discussed by psychologists, anthropologists, linguists, and anyone who has had a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Deborah Taimen, a linguistics professor at Georgetown University, has written a number of books about male/female communication differences; her books explore gender communication at home, at work, and in public discourse.

2 Tannen bases her theories on extensive research and observations of men and women in conversation. She believes that boys and girls begin learning different communication styles from an early age. She cites experiments in which researchers observed both men and women interacting with infants that were unfamiliar to them. When the subjects being observed believed the baby to be female, they cuddled it more. However, when they believed the baby to be male, participants were more physically active with it and held it less. Tannen suggests that such research demonstrates how boys and girls are socialized differently from infancy. A brother and sister can grow up in the same household and yet Iearn very different ways of interacting and communicating with others. In fact, she asserts, conversation between men and women is actually intercultural communication.

3 Tannen talks about the different ways that men and women use conversation. She theorizes that conversation is used by women to establish connections and develop intimacy. Talking, particularly about troubles, forms the basis for friendship. Men, on the other hand, base their friendships on shared activities, such as fishing or playing sports, rather than on talking. Men use conversation to negotiate their status in a group and to preserve their Independence.

4 It is not difficult to see how misunderstandings can occur. ■ (A) While a man may not want to discuss his problems, or even admit that he has any, because it puts him in a weaker position, a woman feels such conversation is necessary to maintain closeness. ■ (B) In a relationship, Tannen notes, a woman wants her partner to communicate anything that hurts him so she can stop doing it. However, if she asks the same of him, he may see complying with the request as putting him in a disadvantageous position in a relationship. ■ (C) In an insecure situation, the man is likely to resist requests while the woman is likely to be extra accommodating. ■ (D)

5 In a work environment, these stylistic differences manifest themselves in different ways. Women’s communication style favors consensus building, but that can often emerge as a belief that everyone should be in agreement. During negotiations, a woman may look to balance her opinion with the concerns of others, while a male colleague simply goes for what he wants and expects others to do the same. Similarly, women are trained to feel that displaying excellence is lording it over others, while men grow up knowing that promotions and raises are based on how others perceive your performance at work.

6 Tannen also sees these communication differences displayed at a macro level in public discourse. She labels this discourse “the argument culture“ because so often people assume that the best way to discuss an idea is to debate it. Training in argument begins in high school and college classrooms; students are encouraged to debate topics, and teachers assume learning is taking place. However, often it is only a few students, frequently male, who particípate in such discussions. The rest of the students, including the consensus-building girls, may feel uncomfortable and simply watch.

7 Tannen points to the increase in litigation in the United States to demonstrate how people tend to think that argument, rather than trying to work out differences in a non-conflictive way, is the only way to get things done. When women do not employ such discourse patterns, they are accused of lacking forcefulness or being too nice. Instead, they are encouraged to be ruthless and tough. While Tannen does not oppose spirited debate, she sees our culture reflexively turning to argument as the automatic response to every situation. Tannen also perceives this ethic of controversy as pervading the media. Journalists and pundits see it as their job to describe controversies and to frame everything in polarizing terms. She views criticisms of politicians as being ritualized so much that public attacks are de rigour for public figures. Journalists feel that if they do not take a hard line, they are not doing their jobs.

8 Tannen’s ability to take her theories from home to work to public discourse demonstrates how pervasive gendered communication is and how important it is to be aware of it.