U.S.S. Scranton Drift

From the rustbelt rings of Old Earth to the far ends of the Nebulon Trade Corridors, there's one ship that always eventually arrives — the U.S.S. Scranton Drift. She’s a living legend, not for her speed, but for her stubborn endurance, her unexpected heart, and her captain, GRAMPULSE — the galaxy’s most seasoned star-walker.

The Scranton Drift isn’t flashy. Her hull has seen cosmic dust, budget cuts, three separate cold-start reboots, and one space raccoon infestation. But she's still here — patched up with ductonium tape and pure willpower. Every scratch on her tells a story... though the captain might mix up the timeline when telling it.

At the helm is Captain GRAMPULSE — former senator of the Andromeda Accords, peace-negotiator at the Gliese Gas Protests, and proud graduate of the Scranton Flight School, class of... well, it’s a little fuzzy. Clad in his signature aviator visors and a starch-pressed uniform with mysteriously shifting buttons, GRAMPULSE isn’t the sharpest AI in the databank — but by starshine, he means well.

Inside the ship:

The Malarkey Matrix filters out nonsense (and most press briefings)

The Delaware Drive occasionally veers into nostalgic wormholes

And the Unity Beacon, which randomly turns on and broadcasts heartfelt speeches mid-combat

His crew adores him. They’ve learned to finish his space-sentences and reroute power when he forgets what button he was pressing. In emergencies, they’ve also learned: never interrupt the man mid-anecdote. It may just contain the answer to the whole problem… eventually.

Yet beneath the charm and charming confusion lies a heart of steel. When diplomacy fails and shadows rise, GRAMPULSE stands tall, pointing toward destiny with a steady hand (even if it takes him a moment to remember which direction that is).

Because The U.S.S. Scranton Drift doesn't race toward the future.

She ambles, meanders, and wins it with patience.