untitled - sep. 2023
here comes the pacemaker,
the standout,
with nice physique,
that makes all the girls clique,
a fuzzmaker,
closer and closer,
oh no, here comes the rhythmist
my god, please,
wash away the body taker,
let me stray away from the impossible intimist
the friend maker
No, I don’t want an icebreaker,
make it an strange, awkward,
bizarre, awful, awry aura
I don’t have the time
But maybe, just maybe
What if I was the eye catcher?
And If I was younger?,
could I have been more?
Ah, yes, I could have been a body snatcher.
substitute this old body,
with aging life!
how I have become
afraid of growing so ugly!
but, my god, I see
I have grown ugly
but, please don’t insist
with your cool breeze
and how happy you can squeeze
laughter - in the park
but I just want to go home,
watch a movie,
but no, she is there,
in the screen,
a young lady
with so much beauty
but I feel weird,
so strange,
what have I become?
what should I have done?
should have fought for a nicer body,
fit / ripped / lift / strict
remember the eyes watch
looking for those nice chests
and the strong legs that are top-notch
then who knows, would I have been the friend maker?
the impossible intimist?
no, no. that was never me,
definitely not, but sometimes I
wished that I didn’t need to grow ugly.
I wish I could have seen myself in the mirror.
who knows, maybe queerer?
shame and disgust, that is all I felt
because of what?
We never see the bodies of men
in the magazines, saying yes,
be seen, be obscene,
no, no, no they said
power, money and cunning
and if you cried
they would come running
warm arms and would accept whatever
they would say
well, you know
he is just… a boy!
But, oh, I have also wished that could turn inside out
become a fleeting shapeless, spaceless void
I feel like I want to shout
“I feel loved -- but I don’t feel my skin”
I never felt it? did I?
which skin is this, whose body is it?
was it given to me? by whom?
what are these arms? why is it hairy?
do I like them?
Father, can I return it?
Mother, may I burn it?
but here I am - not the icebreaker,
neither the friend maker,
even less the body shaker,
I am flowing away, wishing I was you,
I see.
I have become the riddle maker.