R a c e
Sweaty bodies pressing against each other, girls wearing skin tight dresses and others with fake designers. The biggest party of the year at least. I haven't been back to one of these since last year. Some of them like me, others not so much and I get it. Music ricocheted from wall to wall, with the sound of ping pong balls hitting the ground and girls giggling in the corner. We don’t party like some other schools. There were no boundaries, and no rules.
I sat with some kids from school, we all talked about the girls they had eyes on. But the one girl I wanted was far out of my reach. She used to date my old buddy Carson. So I admired her from afar. Sophie Field was the first girl I had feelings for. She was smart but so free-willing and she always found herself in some sort of trouble. She was giggly and nothing like her sister. But she mellowed out over the years though she also stopped hanging out with me. I miss her a lot, and I wish she was still around.
My boys lived for the party scene. They could be out for hours and they would sober up just enough to find a hot girl and take her to the next spot. I can’t say I'm the same. I try not to drink anymore. After that night, I used vodka as a bandaid and treated it like water. So I took a break but tonight is different. I feel in control. A couple shots with boys is acceptable.
The night passes, we watch the girls dance and we compete for the prettiest one. While getting a girls number I check my phone and it's already 3am. Dreadfully I decide to go home, I can feel myself slowly slipping so I leave the loop of meaningless conversations and memories.
There is an uncomfortable feeling leaving parties. To walk outside and feel the cool air and only hear the loud chatter and the bass of the music coming from the opened windows. Thinking like i'm missing out on something or that I could just forget about it all. I stopped while I was unlocking the car, my voice is hoarse from all the yelling and my feet are tired from standing, but I look up and just breathe. I can feel my thoughts reaching dangerous places.The air got colder the more steps I took. It was like a million pins grazing your cheeks. I hop into my leather seats and start the ignition. My old car was small but fast. It was my prized possession. But when everything happened I couldn't look at the car again, so I sent it to the junkyard and bought a beater. It was better that way. I could forget about it all and move on like everyone else.
I roll my windows down and turn my music attempting to focus. No ones on the road. It’s empty, only the street lights were awake, just like that night. I hated going back home, it was a reminder of everything. The thoughts run loose through my mind while i'm at the stop light, impatiently tapping hoping i just can forget it all. I'm desperately trying to fight these thoughts. They just don't leave!
It all happened so fast. The car pulled up to my left, it was Sophie Field. I wonder if she remembered me if she thought about how we used to be best friends. She was driving her boyfriend Carson's souped up Honda civic. Me and him talked about his car before, I just had never seen it until then.
She rolled down her window and hollered, but I couldn't hear her over my music, I turned it down, “Sorry what?”
“I said do you wanna race!?” I laughed. She has no idea how to drive that car let alone race me.
“I don't think your boyfriend would approve of you driving his car.”
“He trusts me, so do you want to race or not!”
“Ok fine, stay in your lane, when this light turns green we’ll go until the next intersection.”
“Deal! Get ready I'm gonna crush you!” She sat there with a huge grin on her face. She was determined.
We sat waiting anxiously, the engines idle and sound like beasts ready to fight. I turn my head as soon as I see the opposite light turn green “You ready?!”
We both surge forward, my hand on the shifter and foot on the clutch, I love the thrill I get. The rush of adrenaline, it takes my mind from everything. Makes the world just stop. Makes the world just seem so simple.
We’re neck and neck and can see her face scrunched determined to beat me. The car is in my control, I see myself ahead of her. She suddenly speeds up, but her face looks worried and panicked. The civic begins to angle towards my car, I hollar. “What the hell is she doing! She's gonna ruin my car”.
I see the hood of the car crumple against mine, airbags bust out throwing me back. the windows shatter upon impact, I slam on the brakes as hard as possible, the tires screech and squeal. I can smell them burning. My hands are so tight on the steering wheel, they’re bright white. My car came to a halt and I was in so much shock I couldn’t move. I sat for a couple seconds but it felt like minutes. My door was jammed shut and the seat belt was so tightly wrapped around me, I could barely move. I crawled over to the passenger door and climbed out. Desperately looking for Sophie. Her boyfriend's car had rolled into a ditch on the side. It was flipped over with the fluids of the car spilling out. I slammed to the ground calling out her name. Everything was silent but it all felt so loud.
“911 what’s your emergency?”
“She's not responding.”
I looked up and the lights turned green. The car behind me has been honking. I wipe the tear away and slam my foot on the gas, and try to forget about it again. But it never seems to leave my mind.