S​ə​nk​̓​lip means “Coyote” in the Syilx language. Throughout this album I try to share bits of my language, an endangered language that fewer than 100 people can speak fluently. For us, Coyote is a central figure. He is our trickster. He’s a very humorous and mischievous character.

Humour can be an important coping mechanism for trauma and hardships. The Syilx people, I think, have a very sardonic sense of humour. We try to laugh about things even in the most difficult times.

The running theme throughout this album is about how we use humour in our traditional storytelling, and in coping with the tragedies that have befallen our people. When joking about my alcoholism or depression, I’ve had people say to me “that would be funny, if it weren’t so true.” But from my perspective, it’s the truth that makes it funny. 

There’s a lyric in this song about how “it’s no joke if you’re the only one laughing.” But I think some of us have to choose if we want to view our lives as comedies or tragedies. That theme runs through the whole album.

LYRICS:

*note: snk’lip translates to “coyote”

You don’t seem very blissful,

Considering how ignorant you are.

I might lie just a little too much,

But I’m smiling while you lose your mind.

Snk’lip, the trickster.

I seek out trouble from troubled minds.

Snk’lip, the trickster.

I seek out trouble, and trouble I find.

You tell me, it’s no joke

If I’m the only one laughing.

I might be inconsiderate

In my constant self-amusement.

[chorus]

It’s important for people to acknowledge their shortcomings. I’ve spent my entire life struggling with addiction and depression. So, naturally, I fuck up a lot. I infuriate the people around me. Sometimes I even do it on purpose. But I’m always trying to be a better person. I try to improve upon myself for the benefit of the people I love.

The last couple years I’ve gotten into so much trouble, whether it’s with the law or drugs or my relationships. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. But I’m trying to learn from those experiences and get better.

The first line of this song is about how I love and admire all the people who helped raise me and who've had influence over me throughout the years. They're all amazing, strong, talented, charming people. And yet I ended up so rotten. How did all these incredible people create such a shitty person like myself? This thought led me to the conclusion that I must just be the "worse parts of the best people I know."

LYRICS:

I’m the worst parts of the best people I know.

I’m looking for trouble until trouble comes.

I won’t admit I’m wrong, even when I know I’m wrong for sure.

But I’m a work in progress. I’m a work in progress, and it shows.

Don’t ask me for help. I only know how to make things worse.

Just take a look around. All the nice things that we had, where did they go?

When will karma catch up to me?

[chorus]

Don’t wait for me to do the work. 

If I wanted any help don’t you think I’d help myself.

Take the day as it comes, because it’s all crashing down, down, down.

[chorus]

Toxicity inside of me.

I’ll never be the man they wanted me to be.

[chorus]

Kt’pimpums means “brown eyes”.  One day my son told me "it's crazy that your eyes are brown and my eyes are brown." I had to explain how genes work. He was perplexed by the idea that I had a part in making him. He didn't believe me. He said "You? Made me? That can't be right." Mind you, he's known me mostly as a bit of a fuck up. So the idea that I created anything, let alone a human being, seemed a bit outrageous to him.

Being a father isn't always fun, though. The hardest part about being a single father is watching your son adopt all of your qualities, the good and the bad.  When you are a very flawed person, it’s so incredibly painful to love your child so much and try your best for them, but ultimately you have to witness your sickness and your badness imprint onto them. My flaws slowly become his flaws. It’s such a heartbreaking process, to watch my disease become his. All you can do is try your best to break the cycle.

LYRICS:

*note: Kt’pimpums translates to “brown eyes”

Kt’pimpums, why are you, why are you so angry?

Kt’pimpums, why are you, why are you so upset?

Kt’pimpums, where do we, where do you go from here?

Kt’pimpums, how do we, how do we grow from this?

Kt’pimpums, you and me, you and me, far from home.

Kt’pimpums, you and me, you and me, on our own.

But we are not alone.

We are not alone.

Anxiety and withdrawals are the worst part of being an addict. Sometimes when I’m trying to get off the drugs I’ll go through these really sleepless nights and have these fever dreams. This song is about a panic attack I had one night when I couldn’t sleep, and the dream that I woke up from that night.

LYRICS:

Project prismatic light across the room

Your face, refracting grace.

Sit in the bathroom at two in the morning.

Sleepy tears dry in place.

Take a deep breath.

Think about the morning.

Why are you shaking,

While your partner sleeps soundly?

Why can’t you breathe, tonight?

Ignore their whispers.

Ignore their eyes,

Those daggers, pointed at us.

How are you so cool

In the face of danger

While I cower by your side?

[chorus]

Tee tee mul teeqwit means “lazy lake”. This song is about missing your homeland. Sometimes I really miss the Osoyoos Indian Band. I miss the land and the people. And I worry about if my son really understands what it means to be Indigenous when he’s growing up so far away from his people and his ancestral lands. Yet, at the same time I know I have to make my own way in this world. I have to push forward and create my own story. The sentiment of this song is, it’s okay to miss your home but you can’t let that feeling hold you back from doing your own thing.

At the end of the day it feels nice to have a final destination, though. I know when all is said and done my son and I will be in the dirt at Nk’mip, with our ancestors. That’s really comforting.

LYRICS:

*note: tee tee mul teequit translates to “lazy lake”

There is nothing left for me,

There is nothing left for me to give.

I can leave it as it lies.

I can let it float away, adrift.

In the early dawn, I can hear their song

Carry over the calm Okanagan waters.

It goes, tee tee mul teequit.

There is nothing left for me.

There is nothing left for me to say.

So give my love to everyone back home.

Sunshine pouring over the valley wall.

Dust rising from boots stomping dirt roads.

[chorus]

My son and I argue so much. We live in this tiny basement apartment in East Van. We don’t have much of a support system in place. No family in the city. Only a few friends. So we spend too much time together. As a result we’re constantly bickering. This song was my attempt to remind him (and me) that our happiness is entirely in our hands. It’s up to us to be kind to one another. It’s up to us to take care of one another.

LYRICS:

You’re the bullet in the gun

But which way will you fly.

And are you pointed at me or at our enemies

Or are we the same tonight.

Life could be so easy if we’d let it.

Life could be so easy.

You’re the hands upon the clock

But what time is it now

Is it dusk or is it dawn

Is it time to be gone

Or has our day just begun.

[chorus]

Speplina means “rabbit”. This song is about my partner. She’s white and soft and cute. It’s a song about me trying to be grateful for all she’s done for me. She tends to be right about most things. She’s always looking out for me. So this is my “thank you” song. And it’s about how I’m trying to change my ways for her. I don’t want to be in psychiatric triage anymore. I don’t want to be waiting on a duty call lawyer at the courthouse. I’d rather be with her, loving life.

It occurs to me there are a few things that could use clarification:

1. For those unfamiliar, a duty call lawyer is a lawyer who works at the courthouse. They're the free lawyer that the courthouse provides if you can't afford your own council. Because it's not really fair to send you in front of a judge with no lawyer. So you stand in line, for your turn to talk to this lawyer who deals with 30 other criminals that morning. You get your five mins to explain what happened and you decide on a plea right then and there. The court system really isn't designed for success if you're poor.

2. The line "handcuffed in hallways" is about me getting knocked out by the police and waking up handcuffed to a hospital bed in some dark hallway at Burnaby General Hospital with a mild concussion and all of my front teeth chipped.

3. "Nights in triage" is a reference to the psych ward at Vancouver General. Before you get admitted you get put in psychiatric triage which is when you wait to get diagnosed to see how much of a danger you are to yourself and the public. (Another instance of being handcuffed to a bed.)

4. "It all starts when you stop" is in quotes because it's a common phrase counsellors use in addiction recovery. It's supposed to mean, your life starts where your addiction stops.

Basically, this whole song is about me saying goodbye to my old ways, so I can be with my loving partner.

LYRICS:

*note: speplina translates to “rabbit”

“It all starts when you stop.”

I know that sounds counterintuitive.

And you knew all along.

I argued I was right, but I’m happy to be wrong.

Thank you, Speplina.

“It all starts when you stop.”

That’s what they tell me, in my recovery.

I don’t want to be waiting for duty call.

I’d rather be somewhere with you.

[chorus]

Nights in triage, not for me anymore.

Handcuffed in hallways, not for me anymore.

[chorus]

Addiction has always been a theme in my music. It’s a constant battle, this daily Sisyphean task. I have good months and bad months, ups and downs. This song is about how achievements in sobriety are relative. Sometimes just getting through a weekend without drinking feels like a big deal. To other people that might be nothing. This song came about when I told someone I’d been sober for five days, and they pointed out that maybe less than a week of sobriety isn’t much to brag about. But you gotta start somewhere.

A lot of the work that addicts do isn’t visible or obvious to non-addicts. So sometimes it looks like we’re not trying or working at our sobriety, but fighting the urge to use is a constant, silent battle.

LYRICS:

That’s not a lot

To brag about

But time moves so slowly

When you’re only five days in.

It’s less than a week

But I feel good

And I don’t care much what you think.

Wita means “youngest boy in family”. A lot of what I do revolves around my son. I hold a lot of guilt over the past few years, because I really have been a bit of a mess and not the greatest dad. I love my son, obviously, but love really isn’t enough. Children need structure and boundaries and authority. And my life has been mostly the opposite of all those things. So when I gained full custody of my son I had a lot of growing up to do.

I wrote the lyrics to this song while walking home from the liquor store with my son. Dad of the Year material. We were walking and chatting and I was drinking. Obviously a lot of what I’m doing is traumatising to him. I remember that day feeling particularly bad about it and yet not enough to stop drinking just then. Alcoholics tell themselves lies all the time. I always told myself I’m just doing what I need to do to get through it.

LYRICS:

*note: wita translates to “youngest boy in family”

Today I ease my suffering.

I wash my sins away

And wait for them to come again

With the clarity pain can bring.

Wita, my sweetness.

Wita, my hope.

I cherish you but I don’t know how

To live the way I should.

My son, he sits in waiting.

His patience gives me hope.

My son is slowly learning

The hurt of my ebbs and flows.

[chorus]

There’s a line in the first song that connects to this song, about being the only one laughing. Sometimes my misadventures and hijinks are only amusing to myself. And as I mentioned at the start of the album, people in my family tend to use humour to soothe trauma. Sometimes people get mad at me for not taking anything seriously. My son used to always say “everything is a joke with, Dad, but none of the jokes are funny.” My partner has shared similar opinions. I think when I’m deep in my addictions and depression I try to embrace the absurdity of life too much. Everything becomes a joke. I’ll joke about my addictions and my sadness. I always had this notion that if I stop joking about things then I have to face the reality of it. As soon as I stop treating my life like a comedy then it defaults to a tragedy. At the end of the day I’d rather have a laugh than a cry.

I call it optimism but some people would say it’s delusion.

LYRICS:

Leave me alone with my own thoughts and

I won’t get up to any good.

Give me some time to amuse myself

And I’ll be the only one laughing.

But If I don’t keep up this charade

Then this comedy becomes a tragedy.

If I don’t keep up this charade

Then this comedy

Becomes a tragedy.