These panics constantly run through my mind, with no control

Anthony Brown

Run. 

Just run. 

There’s no 

turning back. 

Once it begins, 

it couldn’t stop. 

I look every way 

I could, but there’s 

just no turning back. 

I can’t find any more 

solutions to this constant 

problem, why do I experience 

something that I feel only I carry? 

It's scary that there are these endless 

possibilities with results unimaginable 

even if I completely fuck up What do I do 

then? Everyone is rooting for me and I can’t 

just take a break or give up on them considering 

I’ve been given every damn opportunity possible 

but seeing as nobody is perfect and I am certainly 

nothing but imperfect I just feel I can’t do anything now 

and that I could’ve fucked everything up for myself which 

I can’t talk to anybody else about because everyone’s just not 

like me and being terrified of judgment and having the absolute 

worst anxiety possible doesn’t make things better for me either way.

think about it think about it think about it think about it think about it 

just think about it damn it stop envisioning the worst possible outcomes 

for things that have easy simple solutions does everything really have to be 

this way or could it have been in another way but can I know what I want right 

now if I don’t have the time or energy to deal with it and everyone is depending on 

me It’s screwed I’m screwed I’m done for I can’t do this I can’t go through with this 

in a setting where everybody looks up to you and you completely screw it up It’s all my 

fault it’s all my fault it’s all my fault it’s all my fault it’s all my fault it’s all my fault it’s 

all my fault with the worst part being there is nowhere else to go and I’m still fortunately 

going through these changes these changes these changes which are none none none none 

every other pathway is sealed off and there’s only one more chance for me to do what I need 

to do in order to set myself up for success at least that’s what everyone is telling me what to do 

I hate it I hate it I hate it I absolutely hate it especially being told what I need to do or what I can 

do as if the only options are my only ones. Not only do I hate being told what to do, but I also, 

hate my thought-process that induces panic which is in almost every given situation that’s 

presented to me. Not only do I need to breath, I need to realize that my life isn’t over, 

just because of one situation. I hate how things are presented in such short given 

time that generally isn’t enough to cover the whole day. Morning, afternoon, 

night, weekday, weekend, at the house, at my job, at my sister’s house,

when can it all be explored again? My emotions can be as vivid as 

light, or as difficult to define like seeing into the snow. Not only 

do the seasons align inevitably with proper reasoning, however 

I need to take care of myself, and stop worrying so much. 

The saying ‘you only live once’ still reigns to be true. 

Life isn’t as bad as I thought it could’ve been. 

Life isn’t as anxiety-inducing as I thought. 

Certainly, could the answer be unsolved? 

I don’t take medicine, and I sure as hell, 

don’t take advice from people who’ve 

been judgmental on people like me. 

If I can’t understand someone like 

me, then how can I understand 

someone like you? Really? 

At the end of the day, it’ll 

end at some point. 

Now, it will control me 

temporarily. But never 

will it control me 

forever, inevitably. 

No need, to run. 

Breathe, walk. 

We will all 

end up, at 

the place 

shortly. 

Oh yes 

we all 

will.