EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT ERNIE J. ZELINSKI 

(BUT WERE TOO AFRAID TO ASK)

Q: How old are you?

A: I am older than dirt. In fact, I invented dirt.

Q: Why didn’t you patent dirt?

A: There were no patent offices at the time.

Q: What is your greatest claim to fame?

A: I am this farm boy from Grassland, Alberta with an IQ of a ditch digger who can’t even spell IQ, and who now lives in Edmonton. Over the years I have gone from local obscurity to national obscurity to international obscurity. Once I learn how to monetize obscurity, I will be an extremely wealthy individual.

Q: What is your second greatest claim to fame?

A: I lived under the poverty line from the time I was 31 until 41, earning an average of $8,500 a year. Everyone should have to go through this experience. It was good for my soul and character.

Q: How many university degrees do you have?

A: Two, but I won’t tell you which ones.

Q: How have you earned a living?

A: I have been a ditch digger, a wheel barrow pilot, an equipment operator, a laborer, a flag man, an electrical engineer, a sessional lecturer at Simon Fraser University in Vancouver, and most recently a writer and self-publisher. 

Q: Why did you become a writer and self-publisher?

A: There's no life like it. What a great profession! Why work long and hard hours for a living when I can get by with working a few hours a day, thinking creatively, while hanging around with my laptop in coffee bars?

Q: Why do you write trash?

A: Because it sells. Only a fool who wants to make a living as a writer would write stuff that doesn’t sell.

Q: Are you married?

A: Occasionally

Q: Why didn’t you get married?

A: Because all the girlfriends who I liked, and who I wanted to make my wife, gave me their best advice: They told me to go home and lead a quiet life. Being the good trooper that I am, that’s exactly what I did. To get even, however, I did this with a bit of Swagger.

Q: Who were your favorite girlfriends?

A: A.C., S.K., and C.C.

Q: How many children do you have?

A: Why does it matter?

Q: What is your favorite Rock ‘n’ Roll band?

A: The Rolling Stones.

Q: Which is your favorite member of the band?

A: All of them.

Q: What is your second favorite Rock ‘n’ Roll band?

A: All of them.

Q: Which Rock ‘n’ Roll singer have you met?

A: Bryan Adams

Q: What did Bryan Adams think of you?

A: What practically everyone else thinks about me — that I should be in an asylum.

Q: Why don’t you like books generated by AI?

A: A bar of generic soap has more Soul, Style, and Swagger than any writing generated by AI.

Q: What do you do with your money?

A: I spend it all. What else is there to do with money?

Q: What is your net worth?

A: None of your business.

Q: What is your biggest asset?

A: My creativity. It’s worth at least $5 million. Results don’t lie. My creativity has allowed me to live without a real job for over 45 years, and for the last 37 years to have earned an income without a real job that is far above the average of people working in real jobs. In fact, for 3 or 4 years, I was a 1-percenter insofar as income.

Q: Who are your best friends?

A: The ones I met in jail.

Q: What do your friends like most about you?

A: I am much like Oscar Levant who proclaimed, “I’m a controversial figure: my friends

either dislike me or hate me."

Q: Why don’t most people like you?

A: No one likes a smart ass — that’s why they don’t send donkeys to school.

Q: What are your most prestigious Awards?

A: I have only two:

1. “The Bum in the Family Award” earned both on my father’s extended side and my mother’s extended side.

2. “The Disorder of Canada.” (I am the only one to have received this Award.)

Q: Who are your heroes?

A: 1. My Mother, 2. Mother Teresa, 3. Yvon Choiunard, and 4. Gary McPherson. I explain why in the 25th Anniversary Updated Edition of my flagship book How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free.

Q: Who are your sports heroes?

A: None of those overpaid bums. Unlike the mass of society, who live vicariously through sports heroes or movie stars because they have no significant accomplishments in their own lives, I don’t have to. I live vicariously through myself.

Q: You sound like a closet conservative.

A: On some issues I am more right wing than Attila the Hun and Ivan the Terrible put together; on some other issues I am more left wing than Fidel Castro and Mother Teresa put together; but on most issues, I am in the center where I am all Genius and Swagger.

Q: How many books have you written?

A: 21

Q: How many books do you intend to write in your lifetime?

A: 27

Q: How many of your books have earned you over $1 million?

A: This is really embarrassing. Only one — but this book has earned over $2 million.

Q: Which book has earned you over $2 million?

A: The original edition of my flagship retirement book. The 25th Anniversary Updated Edition of How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free is being released in October 2026 by my US distributor Simon & Schuster.

Q: Is having a book that earned over $2 million that big of a deal? I think it's rather insignifcant.

A: How many authors do you know who have written a book that has earned them $1 million — let alone $2 million? There are around 41 million people in Canada. My guess is there are fewer than 50 individuals in Canada who have ever written a book that earned them $1 million or more. This would include Margaret Marshall Saunders, Magaret Atwood, L.M. Montgomery, Mazo de la Roche, Farley Mowat, Alice Munroe, Yann Martel, Nick Bantock, Emily St. John Mandel, Malcolm Gladwell, David Chilton, Jordon Petersen, Robert Munsch, Jean Paré, and sisters Janet and Greta Podleski. 

Bestselling novelist Douglas Coupland may also have earned $1 million from one of his books. However, Brenna Clarke Gray of Douglas College in A Conversation with Douglas Coupland pointed out that "Coupland received a $22,500 USD advance from St. Martin's Press to write his 1991 international bestseller, Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture. Coupland later noted that his original contract for Generation X was poor, yielding only 'three and a half or four cents a copy' initially, reflecting how first books rarely generate immediate wealth for authors."

Another Canadian author who may have earned $1 million or more from one of her books is Pauline Gedge who lives in the small villiage of Edgerton, Alberta. Her 13 novels have sold more than 6 million copies in 18 languages. But just because a book has sold over a million copies, it doesn't mean that the author has earned $1 million from the respective book. It depends on the royalty schedule, whether the author had an agent, and the various formats (hardcover or paperback) the book was published in, including foreign editions that pay relatively low royalty rates. Douglas Coupland was earning 'three and a half or four cents a copy' initially from Generation X. On the other hand, initially, I was earning around $5 a copy from my self-published How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free; nowadays I am earning around $9 a copy.

In short, there may be fewer than 25 Canadian authors who have ever earned $1 million or more from a particular book. Again, that's out of a population of over 41 million.

Q: Don't you think anyone could have written your signature book The Joy of Not Working? I know I could have.

A: Really? I had the idea for the book 10 years before I wrote it. I gave you 10 years and you still didn’t write it. Why didn’t you? Once I started writing it, it took me 3 months to come up with the blockbuster title. I suppose you could have come up with it in 15 minutes or less. Get real! Clearly, there is only one other being in the Universe who could have written the book: GOD! By saying you could have written it, you have insulted not only me — but GOD as well. 

It’s time for you to study the Dunning-Kruger Effect and figure out how it applies to you — including why you have never written a book, and why you likely never will. Keep the words of writer and cultural critic Fran Lebowitz in mind who advised, "Your life story will not make a good book — don't even try!"

Q: Why don’t we write a book together? I think it would be a very good one.

A: What do you mean “we”? Do you have fleas? As pointed out by Seth Godin (the smartest marketing guru in the world): “Books work as an art form (and an economic one) because they are primarily the work of an individual.” Seth also pointed out: "Very Good Is Bad — It's Not Good Enough." I would go so far as to say, "Very Good Is Awful!" I have much higher standards than "very good."

Q: Do you think you could have written anyone else’s book?

A: Definitely not. I may be delusional — but not that delusional. Only God could have written someone else’s book. Insofar as the really bad books out there, I don't have the 3D Vision or ignorance to have written them.

Q: What is one of the most important things that you have learned as a writer about the self-publishing business?

A: Content May Be King — But Promotion Is the Supreme Emperor! 

A book with remarkable content — but with poor proof-reading and poor editing — will outsell a book with remarkable proof-reading and remarkable editing — but with poor content — by a factor of at least 100 to 1. Add in remarkable promotion to the book with remarkable content and it will outsell the book with poor content by at least 1,000 to 1.

Conversely, add in remarkable promotion to the book with poor content — but with remarkable proof-reading and remarkable editing — and it ain't going to make a difference. As Michael Korda, former Executive Editor with Simon & Schuster, proclaimed: "Even the most careful and expensive marketing plans cannot sell people a book they don’t want to read."

Q: It sounds that you have been very lucky to have your books sell a total of 1,125,000 copies. Don't you think luck played a big part?

A: Luck always plays a part to a degree. But it's never anything as big as the critics and haters make it out to be. The critics and haters are very ignorant and have no idea how much effort, creativity, time, perseverance, patience, and resourcefulness it takes to create a bestselling book. It also takes superb 3C Vision that the haters and critics lack.

Certainly, a lot of people are going to say I'm lucky: That's the type of screwed-up world we live in. Here is an example: "TorontoMike" on Canada's national newspaper The Globe and Mail made this comment about me. "So, he became rich by publishing books . . . It sounds like he got rich by getting very lucky." 

As a sidenote, I must point out the haters and critics like "TorontoMike" seldom use their real name like I do when I make comments on The Globe and Mail website. In short, losers like "TorontoMike" are magnets for disaster in their personal lives. Their beliefs and behaviors keep them in the rut they're in. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the dimenions.

Marketing guru Seth Godin warned us: "Being jealous of people who you feel are lucky (but who have actually worked hard to develop their skills) is a great way to let yourself fall into mediocrity and make yourself miserable at the same time."

Here are some more words of wisdom by individuals much smarter than me — and much, much smarter than the critics and haters like "TorontoMike" — about luck. I particularly like the last passage.

"Shallow men believe in luck ... strong men believe in cause and effect." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The worst cynicism: a belief in luck." — Joyce Carol Oates

"People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have." — Anne Tyler

"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don t like?" — Jean Cocteau

"Luck marches with those who give their very best." —  H. Jackson Brown Jr.

"Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit." — R. E. Shay

"The best luck of all is the luck you make for yourself." — Douglas MacArthur 

"Luck can often mean simple taking advantage of a situation at the right moment, It is possible to ''make'' your luck by being always prepared." — Michael Korda

"Luck, bad if not good, will always be with us. But it has a way of favoring the intelligent and showing its back to the stupid." — John Dewey

Q: Then you are saying luck played no part in your success. Is that right?

A: Of course, luck played some part. I was lucky to be born in Canada that offers so much opportunity to make a difference in this world — and to become prosperous and free in the process. I was also lucky to be raised on a farm without electricity, running water, TV, and a telephone, in a relatively poor family by parents who taught me not to feel entitled to anything. I was also lucky to have lived under the poverty line from the time I was 31 until 41. This helped me develop soul, creativity, character, and resourcefulness. It's too bad that everyone in this world is not as lucky as me to have lived through these hardships.

Furthermore, I was much, much luckier than my late friend Gary McPherson. At the age of 9, Gary was left paralyzed, almost from head to toe, after contracting polio. More tragic, his diaphragm was paralyzed, leaving him unable to breathe on his own, and having to spend the next 34 years in hospital. Despite being severely handicapped, Gary never complained. He accomplished 10 times as much in his life as most fully healthy people do in their lifetimes. Talk about how lucky he was, wouldn't you say? 

You can read about Gary's remarkable accomplishments in the last topic in Chapter 9 in the 25th Anniversary Updated Edition of How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free or a shorter article on The Globe and Mail website by its Health Columnist, André Picard, titled: Gary McPherson: A stubborn hero who saw ability, not disability.

Q: I have one of your books called GREAT FRIENDS ROCK: How to Find Them — And Keep Them! I don’t like it. What should I do with it?

A: Please give it to someone who you don’t like!

Q: What are you most knowledgeable about?

A: I wish I could be half of certain of anything as most Certified Full Goose Bozos (CFGBs) on the Internet are of everything.

Q: You wrote two books about Swagger. What do you know about Swagger?

A: Read the books.

Q: You say you have 3C Vision whereas most writers not as successful as you have 3D Vision. What’s the difference?

A: Read either The Lazy Person's Guide to Success — Financial Independence and Personal Freedom Too! or the 25th Anniversary Updated Edition of How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free to find out.

Q: Are you witty?

A: Nah, most people think I am either a half-wit or a nitwit.

Q: But I checked you out on AI and it said you are a humorist.

A: I don’t think that’s very funny.

Q: Are you selfish?

A: Yes, definitely. But so are you. So was Mother Teresa. I cover this in 101 Really Important Things You Already Know, But Keep Forgetting in topic 39: “Everyone in This World — Including You and Me — Is Selfish.”

Q: Some people say you are not a nice person. Is that right?

A: Again, yes, definitely. I am not a nice person — but I am a good person. Be forewarned: Watch out for “nice” people. Many of them are phonier than a tree full of elephants. They will criticize you behind your back, even stab you in your back, and borrow money from you and never pay it back. I also cover this in 101 Really Important Things You Already Know, But Keep Forgetting in topic 38: “Nice People Are Often Not Good People and Good People Are Often Not Nice People.”

Q: What can’t you stand?

A: Intolerance!

Q: Why are you so arrogant?

A: Larry Winget, author of You’re Broke Because You Want to Be, calls himself “The Pitbull of Personal Development.” I am trying to take that title away from him. Furthermore, I am only arrogant to people who deserve it. (There's more about Larry Winget later.)

Q: Are you a philosopher?

A: Yeah, kinda. After I consume two or three high-test alcoholic beverages, I start nailing the sensational solutions to the world’s biggest problems that would make Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle extremely proud of me.

Q: What are the two personal adages that you live by.

A: 1. Do It Badly – But at Least Do It!

2. Be a LEARNER First; become a MASTER Second; and remain a STUDENT Forever.

Q: What have been the most inspirational books that have made a big difference in your life?

A: The following 10, not in any particular order of importance:

• The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

• Illusions by Richard Bach

• The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

• The Lazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment by Thaddeus Golas

• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

• The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle

• Winning Through Enlightenment by Ron Smotherman

• Million Dollar Habits by Robert Ringer

• The Power of Intention by Dr. Wayne Dyer

• Living the 80/20 Way by Richard Koch

Q: Who is your favorite author?

A: Robert J. Ringer. The first book I read of his was Looking Out for Number 1. I have now purchased practically every one of his books. My favorite is Million Dollar Habits.

This passage from one of his books has inspired me the most:

“It’s better to do a subpar job on the right project than an excellent job on the wrong project.”

Following this advice has helped me attain the freedom and prosperity that I enjoy today. Incidentally, Robert J. Ringer is the author of three #1 bestsellers, two of which have been listed by the New York Times among the 15 biggest-selling motivational books of all time.

Q: What has been your favorite car that you owned?

A: It's a raunchy rusted-out 1995 Camry 2-dr coupe that I have owned since 2000. It now doubles in value every time I fill it up with gas. I call it my Raunchy Rover (RR).

Q: Aren't some of your friends embarrassed to ride in your RR?

A: Yes. I have to remind them that my RR is more famous than practically all the Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Bentleys, and Roll Royces in North America. In April 2019, a pyromaniac poured gasoline and set fire to all four tires on each of thirteen cars in Edmonton’s Whyte Avenue area. My RR was one of them. This made the national news in Canada on two TV networks — and apparently on the BBC news in the UK. Check out this YouTube video: Terrifying arson spree, dramatic takedown in Edmonton captured on video. At the start of the video, you will see my Raunchy Rover ablaze. 

Q: You met Leslie Neilsen and gave him a copy of your signature book, The Joy of NOT Working. What did he say to you?

A: He remarked, "How will I be able to find time for NOT reading your book?"

Q: You also met Kevin O'Leary and gave him a copy of your flagship book, How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free. What did he say to you?

A: That was back in 2014. I told him that HTRHW&F had sold 225,000 copies. He replied, "Really? I am impressed!" He wasn't kidding because, unlike the critics and haters of this world, he knows that having a book sell over 200,000 copies is a significant accomplishment. Since then, his new book at the time, has sold around 35,000 copies. My HTRHW&F has now sold over 475,000 copies or an increase of 250,000 copies since then.

Q: Another famous person you met is Greg Abel, who took over from Warren Buffett running the trillion dollar Berkshire Hathaway Corporation. Why did you give Greg Abel a small box of Sees Peanut Brittle?

A: I was trying to bribe him. I wanted to secure a $15 Billion loan from Berkshire Hathaway so I could exhibit a little more finanicial Swagger in my life. I told Greg that I would pay Berkshire Hathaway back in another lifetime — but he didn't believe me. I think it has something to do with my credit score that has fallen from 824 to 756, which is pretty close to deadbeat territory.

Q: What did Greg Abel think of you?

A: Undoubtedly Greg thought that the tie I was wearing had a lot more Swagger than the tie he was wearing. (Incidentally, the day I met Greg was the first time in my life that I wore a suit — but that's another story.)

Q: What's your favorite animal?

A: The homeless roosters in Honolulu. They have Swagger. They look majestic and they never complain about being homeless.

Q: Are you generous?

A: I think so — but I will let you decide

In 2027 I intend to fund another $80,000 endowment in addition to the two $80,000 endowments I already funded there in 2024 and 2025 as a joyful addition to my life at the University of Alberta in the Faculty of Engineering and the School of Business and another similar one that I funded in 2026 at Simon Fraser University called the Ernie J. Zelinski $4,000 Annual Award in Individual Creativity. Besides these $80,000 endowments I have been funding every year, I also give over $3,000 a year to other registered charities. 

The question now arises: Are you yourself generous? In other words, how much do you give?

Q: It's easy for you to give money to charities because obviously you have a lot of money. What about all those people who can't afford to give?

A: People who say they are generous but can't afford to give are making excuses —and most excuses that people use are lies. Now that I know about the power of giving and how it helped me become prosperous and free, even if I was still earning $8,500 a year like I did for 10 years, I would still give $500 a year to charities — perhaps even $850 a year to make it 10 percent of my total income.

Keep in mind that the $83,332 that I gave to charities in 2024 was 36.6 pecent of my total income and the $83,365 that I gave to charities in 2025 was 38.9 percent of my total income. How many people — rich or poor — do you know who give such a high percentage of their incomes to registered charities?

Incidentally, the late Dolly Parton was known for her generosity and distinguished herself as one of pop culture’s most prolific philanthropists. She proclaimed, “I just give from my heart.” In other words, Dolly Partin gave from her soul. If you have it in your heart to give, you will. If you don't, you won't. 

When it come to being generous, individuals like Dolly Parton who put their money where their mouths are represent the truly generous. Excuses for not giving don't count. The spirit of giving comes from the heart and soul and not from talking without substance and making excuses. People should just admit that their hearts and souls are not made for giving and being generous if they don't want to give.

In this regard, most Canadians think of themselves as generous, particularly more generous than Americans. If you ask Canadians if they give to registered charities, the vast majority will say yes. Most are liars! Only one in six give to registered charities. That is pathetic. 

Fact is, on a per capita basis more Americans give to charities, and those who do, give a lot more than Canadians. Canadians who actually give donate an average of only around $375. That is just as pathetic.

Truth be known, most people don't understand the magic of giving. That is one reason why many will remain broke for their entire lives and then complain they are living in poverty in retirement because the government is not giving them enough money.

If people were more generous and would give more money to others, they would find out that true generosity from the soul is rewarded by the Universe in many ways. Mother Teresa would agree. 

The late Dr. Wayne Dyer, author of The Power of Intention, would also agree with me. The spirit of giving comes from the soul, from the wholesome creative mind, that is naturally generous and kind. Dr. Wayne Dyer identifies the attributes of the all-creating universal mind of intention as creative, kind, loving, beautiful, expanding, endlessly abundant, and receptive, explaining the importance of emulating this source of creativity.

Here's what Larry Wingate, the pitbull of personal development, and the author of the New York Times bestseller You're Broke Because You Want to Be, says in his signature book:

"When you willingly share part of what you have earned with others, then it magically comes back to you. I don't know why it works, but I know it works."

Incidentally, I have 3 copies of Larry Winget's You're Broke Because You Want to Be. I always purchase more than one copy of a remarkable book. There are several reasons. The problem is that individuals who can most benefit from Winget's book will never read it. The people who will purchase it and read it are people like me who are already prosperous and generous — and still find the book informative and inspirational.  

Q: Rumor has it that you can still kick 7 inches above your head with either foot without warming up after drinking a half a bottle of wine – or even a full one. Is that right?

A: People shouldn't believe everything they see even if they have actually seen me do this several times at the Bistro Praha, my favorite restaurant in Edmonton, and at Rigoletto's, my second favorite restaurant in Edmonton.

Q: Who has been your greatest inspiration?

A: The awesome Rock ‘n’ Roller in the Sky who can kick a lot higher than I can!

Q: Should people take all your answers to the questions on this webpage seriously?

A: Oscar Wilde pointed out: "Seriousness is the last refuge of the shallow."