Teen Dating Violence
What's Teen Dating Violence?
Any young person can experience relationship violence regardless of gender, race, class, sexuality, ethnicity, religion, culture, size, and more. These identities can also shape how a person experiences teen dating violence.
Teen dating violence (TDV) can range from physical abuse (like hitting, biting shoving, scratching) to emotional or psychological abuse (like bullying, constantly monitoring, shaming) to sexual abuse and stalking.
You are worthy of love and respect. Learn more about TDV and healthy relationships here!
What are some relationship red flags?
Tips on setting boundaries in a relationship?
Healthy Boundaries may look like.....
Balance between private life + shared life (each person in the relationship has their own responsibilities that are honored and factored in)
Each person can say "no" to things they don't want to do (consent is factored in and honored every time)
Partners can feel different emotions + have differing opinions on the same issues
Unhealthy Boundaries may look like....
A lack of privacy (account passwords are shared with your partner; you tell each other everything, even when you don't want to)
Choosing your partner over your responsibilities (skipping school/work often to be with your partner)
Engaging in behavior one person doesn't want to do (can be physical, sexual, or social; consent and/or withdrawing consent isn't honored)
Feeling responsible for your partner's happiness
Know Your Relationship Rights!
You have rights in your relationship and those can help you set boundaries that should be respected by both partners in a healthy relationship. You have the right to:
Feel safe and protected
Put yourself first
Be respected and treated as an equal in your relationship
Live free from emotional, sexual, physical, and technological abuse
Express your thoughts and feelings when you are treated unfairly
Refuse physical touch from anyone at anytime
Enjoy friends and activities apart from your partner
Leave a relationship that is not right or healthy for you
How to help a friend who has experienced violence:
What should you do when a friend shares their story of abuse?
Listen and validate their experience: "I hear you." "Thank you for telling me." "It took a lot of courage to tell me about this."
It takes a lot of bravery to share an experience of violence, and it's an act of love to appreciate that bravery in listening. Do your best to give your friend space to speak freely, and don't try to change the subject or minimize their feelings.
Believe them. "I believe you." "I'm so sorry this happened to you." "Nothing you did or didn't do makes this your fault." "You didn't ask for this, and you don't deserve this."
Ask what you can do to help. "You're not alone. I care about you and am here to listen or help in any way I can." "Would you like me to go with you to make a report?"
Many survivors feel ashamed and worried that they won't be believed - or worse, that they'll be blamed. Although you might want to tell someone, this is their story to share. Give your friend the freedom to decide how they will move forward.
Offer resources. There are many hotlines and trusted adults that can help your friend through this time. Connect them with resources so that you do not feel solely responsible for their healing.
You deserve to be safe, valued, and respected and have healthy relationships no matter your gender, gender expression, or sexual orientation.
There is nothing wrong with not being “out”, and no one can make the decision for you. You have a right to privacy.
Teen Dating Violence & LGBTQ+ Relationships:
Teens experiencing dating violence in LGBTQ+ relationships may:
Feel embarrassed about the abuse going on
Feel like their partner will try to turn the community against them if they do something their partner disagrees with or if they decide to end the relationship
Be worried their partner will “out” them to family and friends if they’re not out already or their partner may threaten to “out” them as a way to gain power and control over them
Be in their first LGBTQ+ relationship and their partner may be isolating them from the rest of the queer community as a form of power and control
Be made to feel ashamed about their sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression by their partner
Feel like their partner is the only person that will ever love them because of their sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression
Be worried that they won’t be able to get help because of their sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression if they reach out
(Source: LoveIsRespect)