If you were to ask yourself 'what are my values? Can you easily list them? -If you have some difficulties listing your values then it may be interesting to read on.

Self-aware people are consciously (or unconsciously) aware of their values, the things that are important to them, the essence of what they believe in.

Values can come in all shapes and sizes -love, calmness, personal growth, making a difference, courage, honesty, confidence, friendship, win-win, determination, resourcefulness, adventure, caring -the list goes on.

Once your values are understood they become the code that guides your decisions - your decisions become aligned with YOUR values (not what someone else thinks) Values are deeply held views that act as guiding principles for individuals and organisations.

When they are declared and followed they are the basis of trust. When they are left unstated they are then inferred from observable behaviour. When they are stated and not followed trust is broken. We are impacted by personal and organisational values every day in our work and social lives.

Sometimes it means we get on well as our values are similar or the same as others and sometimes we experience more difficulties, as we don't seem to be gelling together in fact we might even have opposing views! For instance, punctuality matters to some individuals more than others-and this can cause clashes.

How tidy (or not) you are can really cause friction at work and at home. Or how you perceive mistakes and how to respond to them can be different and may or may not, be in alignment with your employers view.

Most of us think we know what our values are.

This is likely to be true for the bigger matters in our life, but not necessarily accurate. It is possible that the values are so much part of your way of thinking you don't notice them.

n addition, it is possible to assume that what you value is what others will value. Therefore, it is useful to find out more about your own values.

An effective way to quickly identify your unique values set is this:

• Make a list of things very important in your life -so important that you can't be happy without them. Your first draft may be very long, You'll narrow it down in subsequent steps
• Revisit each value you listed and identify why you listed it. Was it about the value that causes you to believe it's one of your core values? Do you need it in your life to be happy? Without it would life seem intolerable? If there's any doubt, strike it out
• Repeat this process until you have a short list of about six values clearly describing what you need for life to be meaningful and fulfilling

And we all have beliefs too, things we believe we can do and things we believe we can't. The fact is -what you believe tends to happen -so it is far more productive to believe you can -and then just get on with it!

Like values, beliefs are deeply held truths about life. As with values, beliefs are one's thoughts about some aspect of life, the way it is and the way it should be. Core beliefs are not universal truths, but individual’s truths. Think of beliefs as long term perspectives about life, about all life not just one's own life.

Examples or core beliefs might include: all people are created equal, life is hard, life is easy, people of a certain race or gender are inferior (or superior), each person is fully responsible for life's circumstances, or a person has little control over life's circumstances.

Beliefs are not true. They are constructs around which we organise our behaviours. So we each behave as though our beliefs were true and for this reason all our beliefs come true for beliefs, whether empowering or limiting, are self-fulfilling prophecies

Beliefs are an important factor in determining the rights you feel able to accept or give to others. Beliefs are views/opinions/statements that we hold to be true about ourselves, other people, ideas or situations – things, about which we feel emotionally certain.

Beliefs affect behaviour:

Barrier beliefs which can lead to aggressive or passive behaviour (e.g. attack is the best form of defence/I know best/everyone must look out for themselves; I must put others first/I'm not as important as others/my opinions don't really count). These restrict you in the way you behave and reduce your opportunities to learn. Assertive beliefs - (I am responsible for what happens to me /I am in control/I can change /I can learn from feedback). These increase your chances to learn through using assertive behaviour.

Changing Barrier Beliefs into Assertive Beliefs

• Contrast with the knowledge you have now
• Know what other people believe
• Look for instances that disprove the belief
• Act 'as if' you held a different belief

We have within each of us deep seated beliefs

These beliefs form the basis of our lives. To make any change in ourselves we need to become aware of and understand our beliefs and if necessary change them! Even from a young age we make decisions about ourselves and how we interact with others, with very little experience to base these decisions on.

Cast your mind back to when you were younger and think about the messages you got about yourself (especially about being assertive, stating your needs, asking for things) both helpful and unhelpful from

• Parents or guardians
• Siblings and other significant family members
• Teachers, Careers advisors
• Professional Bodies
• The Media
• Peers
• Religious or Political Leaders

Don't censor or judge, simply become aware of them.

1. You are now more aware of your beliefs
2. Choose one that may have been helpful in the past but is no longer relevant for you today
3. Close your eyes and relax
4. Imagine the person who gave you that belief
5. See or hear yourself thanking the person who gave it to you, describe how it has been helpful
6. Now picture yourself giving it back to them, explaining why it no longer fits