Ears: So here we are to introduce ourselves. We are attic elves and live at the big guy's house. And in the garden ... when it's decent out.

Rafter: Phil's house and garden, that is. But not really in the attic. That would be unpleasant. Insulation and dust. Attic elf is just a mistranslation of our taxonomy from the Latin in about the 5th century AD. Probably by an inexperienced Roman church ordinand just before things fell apart. We really live, well, sort of all over the big guy's house.

Ears: Often near the refrigerator.

Rafter: Well ... more you than me. I like staying near the books.

Ears: ... which is pretty much everywhere in the big guy's house. He's got books in places most houses don't even have places.

Rafter: Humm ... right Ears. .. and we are of an indeterminate age and our forms and sizes are subject only to our will.

Ears: Riiight, Rafter. Easier said than done. The last time you became people sized it took you about a week. And indeterminate age means that you are older than dirt and when I met you your best friend was an Ohmdenosaurus. Fifteen feet of fuzzy fun.

Rafter: Ah yes. Epidemus. Very bright for a dinosaur. ... and we are strictly fictional characters without any objective reality. Right, Ears?

Ears: Oh ... right. Absolutely. No actual reality at all. Just made up. Don't look for us. We aren't really here. Think that'll keep our supervisors off our back, Rafter?

Rafter: ... and going on. For the purposes of this brief biography we are fictional foils that allegedly write the big guy's party invitations and represent the different aspects of his personality.

Ears: ... as if anybody cares. Get on with it Rafter. Tell 'em about the invites.

Rafter: The big guy has been opening his home to guests each holiday season for almost thirty years and we have allegedly written his guest invitations for about half that.

Ears: ... only because we only started taking credit about 15 years ago. Pretty much everything the big guy's ever written that was interesting started with one of us.

Rafter: Regardless ... we have enjoyed explicating the big guy's thinking process ...

Ears: ... such as it is ...

Rafter: ... and here present examples of new and old invitations. We thank you for your interest and hope you enjoy both the big guy's parties and invitations.

Ears: Merry Christmas, Rafter.

Rafter: Happy Hanukkah, Ears.