It was a compliment by her observation in my many years of a customer at this store, but it also got me thinking, why would some strangers (and even friends) assume that I have more patience than another mom?
They watch how we react, they see our flaws and our strengths. They are looking for clues from us to learn how to function in their little bodies with their big feelings that bubble up, exploding through their mouths and hands.
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Last spring, I bought Poet, a four-year-old greenbroke OTTB. Perhaps I should have reminded myself of my lack of patience before I handed over a check, but all I could think about was his sweet expression and exquisite canter. He was meant to be my horse, plain and simple. Patience be damned.
It is a constant struggle at the barn for me to not only be patient with Poet, but also not compare him to Simon. Some days are easier than others, but I know there are good things coming for us. The tedious rides working on straight lines and accepting contact will eventually create beautiful two strides and clean lead changes.
What they do care about is partnership and mutual trust. The way I built that with Simon was through countless rides that continually pushed him in fair, small ways as well as rewarding his efforts. I will do my best to build that same relationship with Poet.
About the Author: Lauren holds an MFA in creative nonfiction from the University of California Riverside, and is a lifelong rider and writer. Beyond equestrian journalism, she explores body positivity, mental health and addiction through personal narrative. She enjoys showing on the local hunter/jumper circuit in Austin, Texas.
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OH is a right impatient stress ball when it comes to our 8 month old son.
Is it just my OH who is like this? It's Literally as if an 8 month old baby is supposed to never cry, or fuss at a bottle, or take a while to get to sleep and then wake up a few times??
For what it's worth DS is a literal angel. Such a happy content little baby. He is so chilled out and always smiling. Obviously he has is moments but can't really complain.
OH just gets annoyed and worked up over things like:
That's really worrying - at this age there's simply nothing to get annoyed about when it comes to a baby's behaviour. I'd worry how he will cope as your son gets older and actually starts pushing boundaries and properly misbehaving.
Agree with pp. He sounds like he doesn't like the baby at all, who by the way, sounds adorable.
I think you need to look at why he's acting like this. Was he always stroppy? Stomping around? Was the baby planned?
Could he be suffering from PND? Is the baby your first? I don't think anything prepares you for how much your life is flipped upside down and it affects Dads too.
It sounds like he has some issues he needs to sort with regards to his patience and he needs to find some way to bond with his DS. Babies at that age don't give a lot back and it can take a conscious effort to do all of the baby talk. Does he have any special interests that he could involve DS in?
Baby was planned - we had a few miscarriages beforehand so a very much wanted baby.
He has a primary school aged daughter from a previous relationship who is with us pretty much full time.
He doesn't shout at DS or anything like that infront of him it's just how he acts if he doesn't cooperate how he wants him to straight away. He will make comments and show his stroppy all away from DS.
In some ways he is really good with him but I just sometimes feel that DS has ruined his life and that he doesn't enjoy doing dad things it's more of like a chore.
I do call him out on it like I did last night and then he seemed to get on with it in a normal way getting DS to sleep but tbh I'm more confused that he has done it all before so obviously he knows a baby isn't textbook.
There's no need to be rude to pp, just let them know in a civil way.
I agree with not leaving him with the baby but he's not an 'asshole'. Nobody can predict how they feel when a baby is born. You wouldn't call a woman an asshole for not adjusting well, why is it on to do the same to a man?
He should try harder and seek help, yes, but he hasn't done anything terrible.
I don't have any concerns that he is a danger to the baby at all. He really isn't like that at all. I just struggle to understand why he can't have a little more patience when giving him a bottle or getting him to sleep. Probably because he knows I'll take over and do it.
He helps with housework. I do a fair amount of 'parenting' to his DSD as I'm on maternity leave I help with school runs and after school. This will change when I'm back to work. I have taken a step back with DSD as I felt I was doing to much.
I will have a talk with him @TulipsRule because I do think it could be MH. Thankyou. He never used to be like this.
Just feel a bit sad as he can be very hands on with his daughter as he should be. I do think he has a bit of dad guilt not sure why though.
100% no bond and possible depression. It can often take men a long time to bond with their baby. This is normal and it's unfair to assume he's a risk to the child unless he's particularly aggressive. It's so easy to forget the baby stage once your child is older so him already having a school aged child is irrelevant in a way. Have a calm talk with him and suggest GP .
OP this is more common than you think. I think especially with men, the change with having a baby is literally overnight. Whereas with many women, we have that maternal bond from pregnancy. So I felt like a mum for 9 months before my DS was born.
My DH found feeding around the clock, no sleep, crying etc a bit of a shock, and it came out as impatience. Of course he wasn't on maternity leave, so wasn't learning about the baby all day long, like I was, so it was frustrating for him to get things wrong, or not know how to soothe the baby. For example, the soothing tactic that worked last week, didn't work this week, and everything changes so fast it's hard for someone who isn't home all the time to keep up.
But once DS started having his own personality around 5 months when he started smiling, interacting more etc DH developed the bond. 2 years later and they are now besties.
Reading this has made me very sad for you and your baby. You asked if it's only your OH who behaves this way and while I can't speak for everyone I can tell you my DH was never like this. We've had 2 babies and what really struck me was when you said he never just goes and picks up the baby or cuddles the baby. My DH has been a very hands on dad right from the start, we have a boy and a girl and he loves them both so much and shows it in every way. I honestly don't know how I could cope on your situation, I'd have to address it.
One of the worst things I heard in the last dreadful year was about the fostered baby who was killed by his carers. They thought he was 'lazy' at 10 months.
Honestly, I think you need to step on this hard. Babies are blobs for a good 18 months. It isn't reasonable or ok to assign any kind of culpability or responsibility to them on any subject.
It's tough to say how patient you can expect your child to be at each age. Some kids are naturally more patient than others. That's why it's helpful for you to observe your child and understand that for some kids, waiting comes easily, while for others it's really difficult, says Roni Leiderman, Ph.D., associate dean of the Mailman Segal Institute for Early Childhood Studies at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. "That said, there is undoubtedly a difference between what you can expect from a three year old and what you can expect from a five year old," says Leiderman. "As your child's language skills develop and he gains more experience with waiting, you can expect him to be more patient."
"Whether your child is naturally patient or not, you can do a lot to help her learn by starting early," says Claire Lerner, LCSW, a child development specialist at the nonprofit organization Zero to Three. "Even when she's just nine or ten months old, you don't always have to immediately fix everything for her. If you do, she won't learn to hang in there during the struggle and eventually master challenges." For example, when your baby's ball rolls out of reach, don't retrieve it for her right away. Instead ask, "How can we get the ball?" and help her figure out how to do it. The same holds true as kids get older. If your child throws a puzzle piece out of frustration, say "Puzzles can be so frustrating. What if we try it together? Does that piece fit here? How about here?" Says Lerner, "Her joy at figuring it out will give her confidence that she can draw from for future challenges."
Patience is a lesson in obtaining freedom. A lesson that is often hard to learn. Let this baby buddha fill your space with the energy of patience - that you have it with yourself, others and the circumstances of life!
Keep one as a reminder and gift another to pay the good karma forward. We promise anyone you gift it to will be smiling from ear to ear, come on it comes in its own cute quilted sleeping bag, who doesn't need one of these!
Again, it helps to think in baby steps. Whatis one thing that you can do to take care of yourself? No idea is too small.Try to turn that one thing into a regular habit, and then choose another one toadd to your self-care repertoire. 152ee80cbc
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