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Your baby has died. You are now faced with the difficult, but important, need to mourn. Mourning is the open expression of your thoughts and feelings regarding the death. It is an essential part of healing.

Whatever the circumstances of your baby's death, you will need to share your grief outside of yourself. Whether you were pregnant for a brief time or many months, delivered a stillborn baby or your baby lived for a longer time, you have every right to grieve.

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The death of your baby may have come suddenly, without any warning. You have been given little, if any, preparation for this experience. You will grieve in your own special way. Try not to adopt assumptions about how long yor grief should last. Consider taking a "moment-to-moment" or "one-day-at-a-time" approach that allows you to grieve at your own pace.

The death of your baby affects your head, heart and spirit. So you may experience a variety of emotions as part of your grief work. Confusion, disorganization, fear, guilt, relief or anger are just a few of the emotions you may feel. Sometimes these emotions will follow each other within a short period of time. Or they may occur simultaneously.

As strange as some of these feelings may seem, they are normal and healthy. Allow yourself to learn from them. And don't be surprised if out of nowhere you suddenly experience surges of grief, even at the most unexpected times. These "griefbursts" can be frightening and leave you feeling overwhelmed. They are, however, a natural response to the death of your baby. Find someone who understands your feelings and will allow you to talk about them.

Feeling dazed or numb when your baby dies is often part of your early grief experience. This numbness serves a valuable purpose; it gives your emotions time to catch up with what your mind has been told. You may feel as if the world has suddenly come to a halt. Your plans and dreams for the future have been assaulted.

If possible, attempt to make decisions with your spouse or a compassionate friend. Realize that you will probably have differences of opinion. That's all right; your grief is unique. If you do disagree, respect each other's right to do what feels right individually. For example, one of you may want to see and hold the baby, while the other does not feel the need to.

If you need time alone to begin to make some decisions, let people around you know this. While some people may be offended at your need for privacy, this is your baby and you should do what is best for you.

Only you can decide what your needs are related to seeing and holding your baby after the death. But, one thing is certain-you should be given the option. Many parents value this opportunity to say goodbye (and sometimes hello if the death was a stillbirth or premature delivery.) There is nothing wrong with wanting to see, hold and touch your baby.

Don't make quick decisions about this. Take your time and think it over. If you have fears about what your baby might look like, ask the doctor or nurse to describe your baby's appearance. Should you decide to see and hold your baby, spend as much time as you need with him or her. Even a short time will go a long way toward helping you heal.

Even if your baby never lived outside the womb, he or she deserves a name. If you had already decided on a name, keep it. This name truly belongs to this unique child. Having a name for your baby allows you to talk about your loss in a personal way. You are openly acknowledging that you have loved a child and will always remember him or her. Later on, you will find it easier to embrace your memories if you can refer to your baby by name.

Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after a baby dies. You may want to collect some important keepsakes that help you treasure your memories. While some hospitals automatically offer to provide you with ways of remembering your baby, not all do. So, be certain to request any items that you want to be able to keep.

Examples of keepsakes you might want include the following: a picture of your baby (even if you don't want it now, you might later), a birth certificate, a set of footprints, the plastic arm bracelet from the hospital, the blanket your baby was first swaddled in, or a lock of hair.

You may want to create a memory box to store these special keepsakes in. Then, when you are missing your baby, you can open up the memory box and embrace these special memories. The reality that your baby has died does not diminish your need to have these objects. They are a tangible, lasting part of the special relationship you had with your child.

The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of your baby. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. The funeral is a way of giving testimony to the life and death of your child. Most importantly, the funeral is a way for you to express your grief outside yourself.

You might have some people tell you, "It will be easier (or better) not to have a funeral." Actually, choosing not to have a funeral is a decision many parents later regret. You and your baby have a right to have a funeral. The funeral is one thing you can do for your child at a time when you feel so helpless.

Funerals do not have to take place right away. Take your time and decide what will best meet your needs. Whatever you do, don't have a funeral that excludes the mother. Wait until she is out of the hospital and can be included in the service that remembers your baby.

Find caring friends and relatives who will listen without judging. Seek out those people who will "walk with", not "in front of" or "behind" you in your journey through grief. Avoid people who are critical or who try to steal your grief from you. They may tell you, "You can have another baby" or "You never even got to know this baby!" While these comments may be well-intentioned, you do not have to accept them. You have every right to express your grief.

If faith is part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you are angry at God because of the death of your baby, embrace this feeling as a normal part of your grief work. Find someone to talk with who won't be critical of whatever thoughts and feelings you need to explore.

You may find yourself asking, "Why did this baby have to die?", "Why this way?" "Why me?" This search for meaning is another normal part of the healing process. Some questions have answers. Some do not. Actually, healing takes place in the opportunity to pose the questions, not necessarily in answering them. Find a supportive friend who will listen responsive as you search for meaning.

Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself. Never forget that the death of your baby changes your life forever. It's not that you won't be happy again, it's simply that you will never be exactly the same as you were before the baby died.

After living in Switzerland for six years, I have been thinking a lot about loneliness and what it means for us humans. I have been thinking about whether loneliness is ever good for us? Are their ways that we could harness our lonely moments to learn more about ourselves? I have wondered about the difference between loneliness and being alone and if we owe each other the opportunity to feel connected. I have also thought about how loneliness is a silent endemic that we are too ashamed to speak about openly.

I was lonely in Switzerland. It is hard to admit, but the stigma has to stop somewhere. It was the kind of lonely that chips away at your being until you feel like there is nothing left of yourself. It made my heart hurt, and it filled me with anger and frustration at the world. I spent many days that turned into months and if we are really honest, years without anyone to talk to throughout the day. I felt invisible in a culture and language that would only half accept me. As I swung between employment and unemployment, my self-worth, which was intricately tied to my feelings of loneliness and my employment status, shrivelled away until I started to think about non-existence as a solution for my hurt.

So you want to have beautiful photos of your family and your newborn baby, and you should be able to have that! But how do you accomplish that safely right now during a pandemic? How can we stay safe and make it beautiful and carefree at the same time? Have your photo session outdoors! Lifestyle family newborn photography is what I am all about, and we can do that in such a beautiful way outdoor at sunrise or sunset somewhere around the Portland, Oregon area.

Typically you would book your newborn session within the first 14 days if you want a sleepy baby. But I also love when babies are a little older and can really connect with their family. Awake babies are great! It just depends on what you prefer, but if waiting a bit for mom to recover and having an older newborn sounds good to you, then definitely do that.

Isolation had been a continuing saga for us as well, and like you haveing people over was not on my bucket list. It is much to hard and I also hate to cook but I do for my family. What has helped is where we live now. I live in an appartment complex which I have come to love verses liveing in a house in the south becuase at those times I was utterly alone. Haveing 4 boys 2 with significant medical issues 1 who has passed on, and my husband working 6 dyas a week, I was pitiful. Living in this complexes has really helped me have some socialization with out actually inviting people over. Of course the space is a bit lacking but I have no complaints. Everyone here has come to love my baby boy and the kids are very protective of him and they come by to visit and play video games with him from time to time. My neighbors see us struggleing just to get up an incline in his wheelchair in the mornings and they are eager to help and pitch a daily fit at the office to provide a ramp for us. lol I am indeed grateful for the socialization that I had not had in a very, very long time. 17dc91bb1f