It is those in difficult marriages who tend to buy Christian marriage books, so how these books handle these issues is of grave importance, because it is these vulnerable people who will bear the brunt if something goes wrong.

However, Love & Respect explicitly says in the introduction that his method has helped abusive marriages and marriages with affairs fix themselves. He gives examples in the book of husbands who are addicted to pornography; drinking; straying; and are abusive. As I asked Focus on the Family on Twitter, if adultery, porn use, alcoholism, and abuse do not constitute bad marriages, what, exactly, does?

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Separate but equal has been tried and failed. So why is the church still using the same arguments about gender? It's International Women's Day, and I thought I'd sum up some of what we said in a podcast yesterday, combined with some great input you all gave me on...

Who is really a complementarian? Just when we think we're finished arguing something, another critique pops up. And honestly--we had SUCH FUN doing this podcast! Keith and I planned it for several days beforehand, going over all the arguments we wanted to use. But it...

Exactly. The wet towels were ridiculous.

I also found in the book that he frequently labelled every time that his wife would express her feelings as disrespectful. Basically, anything that made him feel uncomfortable was her being disrespectful. He just had no respect for her as a person in his anecdotes at all.

I think Debbie and some of these others must think you have to be put in the hospital multiple times for it to count as real abuse. Threatening with a knife should *absolutely* count, pregnant or not. Threatening with fists would count. Punching a wall counts. Sheesh.

Thank you for this insight wow! And to hear of things turning around when the women stand up and have had enough! Pastors are broken too. We are all in need of a Savior and all loved by Him. Equal in His sight.

Hello Sheila! Wonderful blog! I agreed with your point, Christian marriage books do not harm people and also not harm a marriage. I was looking for something like that. Thanks for sharing this knowledge. Keep sharing.

I appreciate you writing this article because I have the same concern regarding Christian books. However, I have a concern about something you wrote and I want to bring it to your attention. When you say:

So, what you wrote can also be toxic because it can be harmful for women in the situation I just described. They may think that what they are doing is wrong and they should go back to sex with a porn addict or with an abusive man.

I guess I never thought about it that much. I liked the book because it talks about how each of you feels love and how you can show love towards your SO. I didn't get the religious refrences from it. Neither of us practice Christainity but we both enjoyed it.

5 Love Languages is great even if you are not Christian IMO. My hubby and I are not sure what we think when it comes to religion. He is less into religion than I- and we both loved that book and it really helped us.

I agree with the pp. My husband and I are atheist, but we thought the Five Love Languages book was great. Just ignore the Christian bits, the book is still loaded with principles that should apply to any marriage regardless of religious beliefs - respect, understanding, compassion, giving, etc.

Not everyone is Christian and wants the religious aspect of marriage/etc. in something they are searching for help in. For example, a non-Christian couple wouldnt go to a Pastor for counseling like many Christian couples would.

I'm not the OP, but I have an answer for your question. I have no problem with religion based books. However, I find that often they are not based on research and the author has few, if any credentials, to be writing a relationship book. For example, the Babywise books, which contradict a lot of research based methods of child rearing. Personally, I prefer my "self-help" books to be written by someone who has credentials and experience with what they are writing. When I say experience, I don't just mean being married, or having children, but actually working with couples or families regarding the issues addressed in the book. As a professional counselor, i have no problem with using religion in counseling but it must be in the best interest of the client and boundaries regarding spirituality must be respected. If religious values/terms don't resonate with someone, then it is not appropriate to use them. Just as you value your right to have religious resources for self-help, others may value those that are religion free.

when I REALLY thought about your question, I am ADMITTEDLY ASHAMED to say that, even if I DID consult a non-Christian resource for guidance, I probably would NOT let my husband/family know the actual source. In fact, I most likely would keep that information completely to myself. Shamefully, even if the tenents/principles of the book/novel/resource mimicked those "traditionally" thought to be "Christian", I believe my husband and certain other members of my family would summarily object simply because of a non-Christian source.

Anyone in my family, including DH, would definitely agree that I am by far more "liberal" in my "Christian thinking" than he is, and I would love seek both a different point of view, beauty and/or truth in such a book. My husband would dismiss any content (worthwhile or not) immediately. (I have a passion for Anita Blake vampire/warewolf/fairie novels and, even after all these years, he'll still make the occasional "snarky" comment about them and their "content". Whatever.)

So, like many, while on the surface I believe that I'm more open-minded and accepting, I think I am at least partially confined in my selection of resources. I can own that. Not saying it's right ... just honest.

I'm not the OP, but I have an answer for your question. I have no problem with religion based books. However, I find that often they are not based on research and the author has few, if any credentials, to be writing a relationship book. For example, the Babywise books, which contradict a lot of research based methods of child rearing. Personally, I prefer my \"self-help\" books to be written by someone who has credentials and experience with what they are writing. When I say experience, I don't just mean being married, or having children, but actually working with couples or families regarding the issues addressed in the book. As a professional counselor, i have no problem with using religion in counseling but it must be in the best interest of the client and boundaries regarding spirituality must be respected. If religious values/terms don't resonate with someone, then it is not appropriate to use them. Just as you value your right to have religious resources for self-help, others may value those that are religion free.

when I REALLY thought about your question, I am ADMITTEDLY ASHAMED to say that, even if I DID consult a non-Christian resource for guidance, I probably would NOT let my husband/family know the actual source. In fact, I most likely would keep that information completely to myself. Shamefully, even if the tenents/principles of the book/novel/resource mimicked those \"traditionally\" thought to be \"Christian\", I believe my husband and certain other members of my family would summarily object simply because of a non-Christian source.

Anyone in my family, including DH, would definitely agree that I am by far more \"liberal\" in my \"Christian thinking\" than he is, and I would love seek both a different point of view, beauty and/or truth in such a book. My husband would dismiss any content (worthwhile or not) immediately. (I have a passion for Anita Blake vampire/warewolf/fairie novels and, even after all these years, he'll still make the occasional \"snarky\" comment about them and their \"content\". Whatever.)

We are three guys\u2014all dads and pastors\u2014who work in ministry with kids, students, and their families. This blog is our joint venture. It\u2019s your chance to listen in on what our conversations are like when we hang out together at a pub or local coffee shop. The focus of the blog is family discipleship. We will write here about parenting, family ministry, and leadership. If you are a mom, dad, or teacher in youth or children\u2019s ministry, pull up a chair. This blog is for you. 152ee80cbc

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