24-Hour Hotline: 404-688-9436 www.wrcdv.comΒ
https://www.wrcdv.org/events-1/shimmy-mob-2
Let them share at their own pace.
Avoid blaming questions like βWhy donβt you just leave?β
Say things like:
βIβm really glad you told me.β
βThis isnβt your fault.β
βYou donβt deserve this.β
Victims often already feel shame, fear, or confusion. Your steady support matters more than advice.
Abusers frequently manipulate narratives. Simply saying:
Leaving can be the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. Instead of pushing them to leave:
Ask: βWhat would help you feel safer right now?β
Help them create a safety plan, which might include:
A packed emergency bag hidden safely
Copies of important documents
A code word to signal danger
Safe places to go
Offer specific help:
A place to stay (if safe and realistic)
Childcare
Transportation
Storing important documents
Accompanying them to court or appointments
Even small acts reduce isolation.
Encourage β but donβt force β professional support:
In the U.S.:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
π 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
π¬ thehotline.org (chat available 24/7)
If outside the U.S., help them find a local hotline or womenβs shelter.
This can escalate danger. Avoid:
Threatening the abuser
Trying to βmediateβ
Announcing plans
Your role is support β not intervention.
Itβs common for victims to:
Defend the abuser
Minimize incidents
Leave and return multiple times
This doesnβt mean they βlikeβ the abuse. Abuse often involves cycles of control, fear, affection, and manipulation.
You may see danger clearly. They may not be ready.
Supporting someone in crisis is emotionally heavy. Consider:
Counseling for yourself
Support groups for families of abuse survivors
Setting boundaries if needed
You canβt pour from an empty cup.
Call emergency services in your country. In the U.S., dial 911.
If youβre unsure whether something is urgent, you can also consult the National Domestic Violence Hotline for guidance.
A Simple Framework to Remember:
Listen. Believe. Support. Protect. Empower.
Start with:
Has the violence escalated recently?
Has the abuser threatened to kill them, the children, or themselves?
Is there access to weapons?
Has strangulation ever occurred? (This significantly increases homicide risk.)
Is the survivor planning to leave soon? (Leaving can increase danger temporarily.)
If there is immediate risk, contacting emergency services or a local domestic violence hotline is critical.
If they are not ready or able to leave:
Identify safer areas in the home (rooms with exits, avoid kitchens/bathrooms where weapons or hard surfaces are present).
Establish a code word with trusted people to signal danger.
Keep a charged phone accessible at all times.
Teach children how to call emergency services (without putting them in the middle).
Practice an exit plan mentally.
Leaving is often the most dangerous time. Consider:
Timing
Leave when the abuser is not present.
Avoid announcing plans.
Emergency Bag
Store it somewhere safe (not where it will be found). Include:
IDs, passports, social security cards
Birth certificates
Medications
Bank cards / cash
Keys
Important phone numbers
Copies of protective orders (if applicable)
Transportation
Identify how they will leave.
Keep gas in the car.
Know public transit routes or who can pick them up.
Abusers often monitor technology.
Check for tracking apps or location sharing.
Use a safe device to research resources.
Change passwords (email, banking, social media).
Turn off location services and shared accounts.
Be cautious with shared phone plans.
Hotlines can also help with tech safety planning.
Open a separate bank account (if safe).
Set aside small amounts of cash.
Secure copies of financial records.
Know account numbers and assets.
Economic control is common in abuse situations.
Protective orders (if appropriate and safe).
Custody considerations.
Documentation of incidents (photos, logs, medical visits).
A local domestic violence organization can guide this safely.
Create a plan that does not require children to physically intervene.
Teach them safe exits.
Identify trusted adults they can go to.
Inform schools discreetly if necessary.
Alert HR or a supervisor (if safe).
Provide a photo of the abuser if needed.
Change work schedule or parking location.
Ask security for escort assistance.
Safety planning also means preparing for:
Guilt or second-guessing
Pressure from family/community
Love and attachment to the abuser
Support networks matter.
Change locks (if possible).
Vary daily routines.
Continue safety planning.
Avoid predictable patterns.
Maintain contact with advocates.
β Survivor-centered
β Realistic (not idealized)
β Updated as risk changes
β Confidential
β Focused on empowerment, not control
Important Reminder
Do not pressure someone to follow a plan they arenβt ready for. A safety plan works best when the survivor helps design it.
Below is a sample safety plan template. This is meant to be customized β safety plans only work when they reflect the personβs real life, risks, and resources.
You can print this, modify it, or use it as a conversation guide.
(This plan belongs to: ______________________)
(Date created/updated: ______________________)
I know things may become unsafe when:
Safer areas in the house (with exits, fewer weapons):
Areas to avoid (kitchen, bathroom, garage, etc.):
If I sense violence may happen, I will:
Move to: __________________________________
Keep my phone: _____________________________
Position myself near: _______________________
My code word/phrase to signal danger:
People who know the code word:
Name: __________________ Phone: ___________
Name: __________________ Phone: ___________
If they hear it, they will:
β Call police
β Come get me
β Check in
β Other: __________________
Local emergency number: ____________________
Trusted person: ____________________________
Backup contact: ____________________________
Local shelter/advocate: ____________________
In the U.S., the National Domestic Violence Hotline
π 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
π¬ thehotline.org (24/7 chat)
(If outside the U.S., write local hotline here: ____________________)
If I need to leave quickly, I will:
Exit through: ______________________________
Go to: ____________________________________
Transportation plan: _______________________
People who can help with transport:
Safe places I can go:
Include:
β ID / Passport
β Birth certificates
β Social security cards
β Keys (house/car)
β Medications
β Bank cards / cash
β Phone charger
β Important phone numbers
β Protective order (if applicable)
β Clothes for me / children
β Comfort item for children
Stored at:
β Hidden at home
β With friend/family
β In car
β Other: __________________
Safe place for children to go during violence:
Trusted adults they can contact:
Important reminders for children:
They are not responsible for stopping violence.
Their job is to stay safe.
They can call: ____________________________
β Change passwords
β Turn off location sharing
β Check phone for tracking apps
β Use a safe device to search for help
β Log out of shared accounts
β Create new email (if needed)
β Open separate account (if safe)
β Set aside emergency cash
β Copy financial documents
β Know account numbers
β Secure important paperwork
β Notify supervisor or HR (if safe)
β Provide photo of abuser (if needed)
β Arrange security escort
β Change routine or parking location
β Inform childrenβs school discreetly
β Change locks
β Install security system
β Vary daily routines
β Block on social media
β Document any continued harassment
β Keep copies of restraining orders accessible
People I can talk to:
Counselor / advocate:
Reminders to myself:
The abuse is not my fault.
I deserve to be safe.
Help is available.
I am not alone.
Leaving can increase danger temporarily β timing and discretion matter.
Do not store this plan somewhere the abuser can easily find it.
Update the plan as circumstances change.
Safety planning works best when done with a trained advocate if possible.