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Not all verbal insults between partners are acts of violence. In order for verbal abuse to be considered domestic violence, it must be part of a pattern of coercive behaviors in which the perpetrator uses or threatens to use physical force. In domestic violence, verbal attacks and other tactics of control are intertwined with the threat of harm in order to maintain the perpetrator’s dominance through fear. While repeated verbal abuse is damaging to partners and relationships over time, it alone does not establish the same climate of fear as verbal abuse combined with the use or threat of physical harm. The presence of emotionally abusive acts may indicate undisclosed use of physical force or it may indicate possible future domestic violence. There is no way at this time in domestic violence research to predict which emotionally abusive relationships will become violent and which will never progress beyond verbal abuse. If the victim feels abused or controlled or afraid of her partner without showing or offering clear descriptions of physical harm, then the cautious approach would be to accept the patient’s views as stated and to respond with concerns about the victim’s safety and psychological well-being. d. Isolation Perpetrators often try to control victims’ time, activities and contact with others. They gain control over them through a combination of isolating and disinformation tactics. Isolating tactics may become more overtly abusive over time. At first perpetrators cut victims off from supportive relationships by claims of loving them “so much” and wanting to be with them all the time. In response to these statements, victims may initially spend increasing amounts of time with their perpetrators. These subtle means of isolating the victim are then replaced with more overt verbal abuse (e.g., complaints about “interfering” family or “dykey” looking friends, complaints about her spending too much time with others); sometimes the perpetrator uses physical assaults or threats of assault to separate the victim from her family or friends. He may lock her out of her house or control her movements by taking her car keys or forcing her to quit her job. Through incremental isolation, some perpetrators increase their psychological control to the point where they determine reality for the victims. Perpetrators’ use of disinformation tactics such as distorting what is real through lying, providing contradictory information, or withholding information is compounded by the forced isolation of the victims. For example, perpetrators may lie to victims about their legal rights or the outcomes of medical interventions. While many victims are able to maintain their independent thoughts and actions, others believe what the perpetrators say because the victims are isolated from contrary information. Through his victim’s isolation, the perpetrator prevents discovery of the abuse and avoids being held responsible for it. The perpetrator isolates the victim by acting jealous and interrupting social/ support networks. Some perpetrators act very possessive about their victims’ time and attention. They often accuse them of sexual infidelity and of other supposed infidelities, such as spending too much time with children, the extended family, at work, or with friends. They claim that family or friends are trying to ruin their relationship. This jealousy about alleged lovers, friends, or family is a tactic of control. e. Use of children Some abusive acts are directed against or involve the children in order to control or punish the adult victim (e.g., physical attacks against a child, sexual use of the children, forcing children to watch the abuse of the victim, engaging children in the abuse of the victim). A perpetrator may use children to maintain control over his partner by not paying child support, requiring the children to spy, requiring that at least one child always be in the company of the victim, threatening to take children away from her, involving her in long legal fights over custody, or kidnapping or taking the children hostage as a way to force the victim’s compliance. Children are also drawn into the assaults and are sometimes injured simply because they are present (e.g., the victim is holding an infant when pushed against the wall) or because the child attempts to intervene in the fight.
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