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Being left on read . . . forever? What is ghosting and why do people do it?
Ghosting is defined as “Unilaterally ceasing communication (temporarily or permanently) in an effort to withdraw access to individual(s) prompting relationship dissolution (suddenly or gradually) commonly enacted via one or multiple technological medium(s)" (LeFebvre et al., 2019). Ghosting has become much more relevant as social media and technological communication has increased in popularity, and even gave ghosting its name. But, ghosting is a new term for an old behavior – people can ghost in real life and do (Thomas, 2021). Ghosting is an “avoid and withdrawal” strategy to dissolve romantic relationships but is also can used to dissolve family and friend relationships (Thomas 2021).
How might someone ghost?
Ghosting happens in three stages. The first is that the ghoster must find a manner to cut of communication (LeFebvre et al.,2019). They may ghost on some or all social media or dating sites used to communicate with the ghostee. Next the ghoster will find an interval at which they disconnect with the ghostee (LeFebvre et al., 2019). Different ways of tapering off communication may be to become unresponsive in all media and communication methods associated with the prototypical idea of “ghosting” (LaFebvre et al.,2019) Or, may also maintain communication, but at a much wider intervals or without enthusiasm, so that communication starts to seem obsolete and the relationship dissolves (LaFebvre et al., 2019). This process seems like it’s a gradual let-down from the ghoster’s perspective but seems sudden from the ghostee’s (Thomas 2021) and results in the ghostee realizing in retrospect that they were being ghosted having been unaware at the time. The last step is for the ghoster to keep their decision permanent by maintaining a lack of contact (LeFebvre et al. 2019) which leaves the ghostee without closure (Thomas, 2021).
Why would someone ghost?
There are a few reasons someone might choose to ghost. These reasons are: Convenience (This when a person wants to avoid hard conversations. It is easier to ignore someone and cut contact than to have to tell them its not working out), Attractiveness (How desirable, physically or mentally, a person is), Negatively valanced interaction (An interaction where the other person gives off indicators that they might not be a good match), Relationship State (An ambiguous relationship status is more likely to result in ghosting due to avoiding a relationship-defining conversation), and Safety (If someone starts to become a mental or physical safety concern) (LeFebvre et al. 2019). How one views relationships can predict their ghosting likelihood. Those with a growth mindset, one where relationship maintenance does not rely on fate but rather adapting to challenges, feel more negatively toward ghosting than those with a destiny mindset, one that relationships are either meant to be or not (Freedman et al. 2018).
What are the psychological effects of ghosting/being ghosted?
Both being ghosting and doing the ghosting cause a stir of emotions that can be good or bad depending on the context. Some ghosters felt anxious after ghosting someone because they feel as though they don't have the interpersonal skills to have a conversation about the ssues might be occurring or because they fear seeing the person they ghosted again in the future (Thomas 2021). Some ghosters reported feeling guilty, typically more if the relationship was closer (Thomas, 2021). If the relationship was uncomfortable or simply not working out, many reported relief after ghosting (Thomas, 2021). The ghostee will almost certainly feel some sort of self-doubt, lack of hope toward future love prospects, and self-critical, but many find being ghosted an opportunity to reflect on ones self as well as demonstrate their strength (Thomas, 2021)
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