Life Partner
Marriage does not simply mean that two people live together under one roof. It is a relationship that involves trust, patience, language, surroundings, responsibility, the future, family, law, financial realities and even the smallest habits of everyday life.
Even when two people come from the same city, the same environment and a similar social background, maintaining a marriage is not always easy. When one partner leaves Pakistan and moves to a completely different society in Europe, the relationship is no longer only a test for a husband and wife. It becomes a test between two systems, two ways of thinking and two different ways of life.
Whether the person arriving from Pakistan is a man or a woman, he or she usually stands before a completely unfamiliar world at the beginning. The language is new, the laws are different, the routes are unfamiliar, the weather is different, people behave differently, homes are organised differently and official procedures are new. Even the meaning of silence and personal freedom may be unfamiliar.
At this stage, the newly arrived person needs the support of the life partner. Through that partner, he or she learns how to understand documents, visit a doctor, deal with offices and banks, use shops, trains and buses, learn the language and manage everyday life.
This dependence is natural. No person arrives in a new country and becomes completely confident and independent on the first day.
However, the real problem often begins at this point.
In some marriages, this dependence becomes the foundation of love, trust and a shared journey. Both partners give each other time, tolerate mistakes, do not use language difficulties as a means of humiliation and understand the fear caused by a new environment. Slowly, they build a new life together.
Such marriages not only survive but can also become stronger.
In other marriages, the same dependence turns into a burden, suspicion, control, a feeling of superiority or exploitation. One partner thinks, “I brought this person here,” while the other thinks, “I have now found a way to Europe.”
One person sees the relationship as support, while the other uses it as a ladder. The true purpose of marriage then begins to fade.
This raises the most important question: Was this marriage really a relationship between two human beings, or was it simply a route to a particular destination?
Did both people choose each other because they wished to share a life, or did each side have its own calculations and interests?
On one side, a family in Pakistan may believe that the life of their son or daughter will improve after moving to Europe. On the other side, the person living in Europe may believe that marrying someone from the same country, language and family background will bring stability to the home.
Yet one essential question often remains unanswered on both sides: Do these two people truly understand each other?
In marriage, sharing the same nationality, language, religion, family background or country is not enough.
If personalities do not match, distance can develop even within the same room. If ways of thinking are different, even two people speaking the same language may fail to understand each other. Without respect, neither a marriage contract, legal documents, families, children nor traditions can save the relationship.
After arriving in Europe, the person from Pakistan slowly begins to understand the system. He or she learns about the law, personal rights, residence rules, financial assistance, the police, courts, the social system, employment, language and the general rules of daily life.
Learning these things is positive. Every person should know his or her rights.
The problem begins when this knowledge is used not to improve the relationship, but to prepare a plan for leaving it.
It is equally wrong when the partner already living in Europe does not treat the newly arrived person as an equal human being, but as someone weak who must remain permanently indebted.
Relationships break down when one partner begins to see the other not as a human being, but merely as a means of fulfilling a need.
Once that need has been fulfilled, the tone changes. Once the language has been learned, the behaviour changes. Once residence papers and legal status become secure, the distance increases.
On the other side, constant suspicion, criticism, reminders of past favours, excessive control and repeated statements such as “I brought you here” can hollow out the relationship from within.
Families also play an important role in this entire situation.
The family in Pakistan has its own expectations. The family in Europe has its own concerns. The woman’s family says one thing, while the man’s family says something else.
Some say, “Be patient and tolerate it.” Others say, “Separate from each other.” Some insist, “Think about the honour of the family.” Others advise, “Protect your legal documents.” Some claim, “Once you have children, everything will become fine.”
The truth, however, is that children are not a cure for a damaged relationship.
If two people do not understand each other, the birth of a child does not automatically reduce the problem. In many cases, it makes the situation even more complicated.
Once children are involved, a failing marriage is no longer only a problem between two adults. The children become trapped between two homes, two languages, two environments and two wounded hearts.
The parents remain occupied with their own pain, while both families pull the child towards their own side. Meanwhile, the child keeps trying to understand where his or her real home is.
In such circumstances, divorce is not merely a legal decision. It can leave a lasting effect on the mind and emotions of an entire generation.
The fault does not always lie entirely on one side.
Not every person who comes from Pakistan is wrong, and not every person already living in Europe is right. Not every marriage is based on personal interest, and not every separation is the result of deception.
Many people make sincere efforts to save their marriage. However, a different environment, language difficulties, expectations, family interference, financial pressure, legal complications and differences in thinking can gradually exhaust a relationship.
The purpose, therefore, should not be to place blame, but to understand the situation.
Before marriage, both individuals should not make such an important decision only because of family wishes, the dream of moving abroad, the desire to bring someone to Europe, residence documents, family connections or outward compatibility.
They should honestly consider whether they can truly live together.
Can they tolerate disagreement? Do they understand the reality of life in a new country? Is the person coming from Pakistan prepared to accept the system and lifestyle of the new country? Is the person living in Europe prepared to treat the newly arrived partner as an equal?
Will both families remain in the background and allow the couple to manage their own relationship, or will they continue interfering in every decision?
A marriage based only on convenience, legal documents, a particular country, family pressure or fear cannot survive for long.
Marriage requires equality, respect, patience, honesty and responsibility.
The person arriving from another country must make an effort to understand the new environment. The person already living there must understand the newcomer’s weakness, unfamiliarity and fear.
If either partner tries to exploit or control the other, the relationship will slowly turn into poison.
This is not only the problem of one household. It affects many homes in which marriage is treated less as a serious decision between two human beings and more as a family project.
Until marriage is understood as a genuine relationship between two independent individuals, changing countries will not automatically change anyone’s life.
A relationship may begin with a document, but it cannot survive on documents alone.
A relationship lasts only when both partners see each other not as a means to an end, but as human beings.
Shahid Shakil
2026-07-25