Family

A family can become either the strongest support in a person’s life or the heaviest burden. It becomes a source of support when relationships are built on love, fairness, honesty, respect and concern for one another. But when one person is repeatedly placed under responsibilities, financial demands and emotional pressure in the name of family, those same relationships become a source of suffering instead of peace.

Exploitation does not always appear in the form of open rudeness. Sometimes even gentle and seemingly innocent words can become a means of pressure. A person may be told: “You are one of us,” “Who do we have besides you?”, “Please help us just this once,” “The family is facing a difficult situation,” or “Can a person not do even this much for his brothers and sisters?”

When these words are spoken because of genuine need and sincere love, they contain real pain. But when they are repeatedly used to obtain money, convenience or some other benefit, the same sentences become emotional weapons.

In some families, one member is declared responsible for everything from the very beginning. If he is the eldest, he is expected to manage everything. If he earns money, he is expected to pay for everything. If he lives abroad, people assume that he must have plenty of money. If he is kind-hearted, everyone asks him for help. And because he does not refuse, more and more burdens are placed upon him.

Gradually, his love is treated as a duty, his silence as consent and his kindness as weakness.

People often forget that the person who gives is also a human being. He has his own life, his own home, his own expenses, his own health problems, worries, children and responsibilities.

But those who become accustomed to receiving no longer notice the condition of the person in front of them. They do not ask: “How are you?”, “What are you going through?” or “What is the situation in your own home?”

They remember only that something can be obtained from that person.

The most common form of exploitation within families is financial. Money may be requested for home repairs, medical treatment, children’s school fees, debts, taxes or some sudden emergency.

Not every request for help is wrong, because genuine hardship can affect anyone. But when the same person is asked every time, the accounts are unclear, the truth is hidden, promises are not kept and assistance is treated as a permanent right, it is no longer cooperation. It becomes exploitation.

Another dangerous form of exploitation is emotional pressure. A person may be made to feel that if he does not help, he is not a good brother or sister. If he does not give money, he does not care about the family. And if he thinks about his own life, he is selfish.

This kind of pressure forces a person to make decisions not from personal willingness, but under the weight of shame, fear and guilt.

Another major injustice in families is that shared responsibilities are not divided but placed entirely upon one individual. Caring for parents, paying household expenses, supporting brothers and sisters and dealing with family problems are all made the responsibility of one person.

Meanwhile, the others continue to offer only advice, expectations and complaints.

The goodness of one individual can never justify the irresponsibility of an entire family.

People living abroad are especially likely to be viewed only in terms of their income. Others assume that anyone living overseas must be rich. Yet life abroad also includes rent, bills, taxes, illness, loneliness, hard work and responsibility for one’s own children.

Behind every amount of money that is sent lie many hours of labour, physical exhaustion and countless personal sacrifices.

When a family stops seeing the human being and looks only at his income, that person gradually loses his human value within the relationship.

The result of constant exploitation is that the person who gives begins to withdraw emotionally.

At first, he answers every telephone call immediately. Later, he thinks before answering. Eventually, he begins to avoid the calls altogether.

People then say that he has changed. In reality, continuous pressure, demands and lack of appreciation have forced him to change.

Sometimes distance is created not because of hatred, but to protect one’s dignity, peace of mind and home.

A good family is one in which the person who gives is also valued. If he is unable to help today, his refusal should be respected. If he asks how the money was used, he should not be treated badly.

If money was genuinely taken for a necessary purpose, there should be no shame in providing a clear account.

In honest relationships, there is no fear of open conversation. Where asking questions becomes a crime, something is certainly wrong.

A true relationship is one in which a person is loved more for who he is than for what he provides.

If he can help, he remains part of the family. If he cannot help, he still remains part of the family.

Family does not mean draining one person completely. It means sharing burdens.

Where relationships are remembered only at times of personal need, love disappears and only calculation remains.

And where calculation takes the place of love, the name of family may remain, but its soul is lost.

Shahid Shakil

2026-07-24