The Letter

My Dear Connor Redmen

I don't know if this letter will ever slow you down long enough to read it, but I hope it does.

I've loved you for longer than I care to admit. Maybe since we were just two reckless kids who thought the world was ours to outrun. We ran through old fields, stayed out until the stars faded, and believed nothing could ever catch us. Those days still feel real when I let myself remember them.

But somewhere along the way, you never stopped running.

I've spent years trying to keep pace with you—through every bad decision, every fight, every promise that tomorrow would be different. I kept telling myself the next time would be the one where you'd finally slow down and let yourself be happy. I wanted so badly to believe that.

I still love you, Connor.

That's the hardest part.

Love isn't enough when it feels like you're always chasing something that has nothing to do with me. Your temper, your stubbornness, the way you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders without letting anyone help—it keeps pushing me farther away, even when all I want is to stand beside you.

I wanted you to change, not because I wanted a different man, but because I wanted the one I know is still buried underneath all that anger and wandering. I waited for that man longer than I should have.

Maybe he's still there.

Maybe one day you'll find him.

I'm sending you the ring we traded when we were young and dumb, running wild and free. We laughed when we promised it meant forever, but a part of me believed it. I kept it all these years because it reminded me of the only version of us that wasn't afraid.

Maybe it'll remind you too.

Don't wear it because of me.

Wear it if it reminds you that there was a time you smiled without forcing it.

Some nights, when everything is quiet, I close my eyes and I can still see us. Not clearly—just two shadows walking side by side in the darkness, like we're still chasing fireflies and tomorrow hasn't happened yet. For a moment, we're young again, and nothing has gone wrong.

Then I open my eyes.

I hope one day you stop running long enough to find peace.

And if that day ever comes, I hope you remember me with kindness instead of regret.

No matter where life carries us, there will always be a part of my heart standing beside yours in those shadows.

Take care of yourself, Connor.

Always, [I miss her]