Worth about five words

“In deciding how a picture should look, in preferring one exposure to another, photographers are always imposing standards on their subjects. Although there is a sense in which the camera does indeed capture reality, not just interpret it, photographs are as much an interpretation of the world as paintings and drawings are” (Sontag 6-7). Sontag thought photographs and paintings could equally interpret the world, I see them as means to gather imaginary fame. Taking an image only takes seconds to take. Something so easy to do, that many people could take hundreds of them just to find the perfect one. Using my smartphone, I can capture reality or interpreted it. I can change the lighting in this image to create a positive or negative mood. All of this I can do in an instant if I wanted to. I can decide what happens in my selfie or if I want to take one. Now we can do it without practice. In most selfies you see a person smiling, this is true for me, I would rather take a selfie of myself smiling then frowning. No one shows themselves without something to gain from others. This could be likes or a positive response, the reason people take photos and post them on social media is to get this response.

How I represent myself impacts not only how others think of me but also explains why I display a mask to others. A small moment in history, which shows only one person who looks happy, or so it seems. People easily interpret my emotions and I change them to fit the surrounding mood. But many don’t know how I feel. I could start frowning and easily change how others react. Smiling is a normal mask I put onto myself to not disturb others and direct people's attention away from me. I have never wanted attention and whenever I receive unwanted attention, I’m easily flustered by it. At first glance, someone might point out what clothing I have on, or the background I took the photo in. I tried to create an image that focused heavily on my face. This is because a selfie is a picture of oneself. A challenging task to complete when I don't have a good reason to even look at my body. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't see any outstanding features to show off which is why I perceive myself like this. This affects how I dress and who I talk to, I try to cover up my body with baggy clothes and rarely talk so I can get away from others. I have never taken a selfie and posted that image to the public because I'm too afraid of what others might think about my looks. I think if I post an image of me, somewhere in the comments someone will ridicule my appearance because of my weight or size. My self conscious eats at my motivation to show others more than face value. That is why I force a smile onto my face, expressing a false narrative to the viewer. It’s way easier to hide behind the camera for me, then express my emotions to others. I hide my body and only show my face to not have other’s looking at me. When anybody looks at this photo, they may think I am a joyous teenager that is showing their life to the world. I’m communicating to the viewer I'm having fun in the current location I am at, to put it literally. But internally I am disinterested in having an image of me on the internet. Susan Sontag described me perfectly in her essay In Plato's Cave when she wrote “But despite the presumption of veracity that gives all photographs authority, interest, seductiveness, the work that photographers do is no generic exception to the usually shady commerce between art and truth. Even when photographers are most concerned with mirroring reality, they are still haunted by tacit imperatives of taste and conscience” (6). Sontag revealed that we manufacture images like art. We only show what we want to so it meets everybody’s standards. On the outside, I may be happy, but that’s farther from the truth. I'm introverted and never start up a conversation with new people. Being the photographer allowed me to disfigure the reality inside of me. With the mask used as my shield, I can protect myself from opening up to others. I don't have to talk to them and can live my life without others. But I’m still concerned about what others think about me. Not a day goes by that I think about what others think, this causes me to try my best so I will not be looked down on.

Without the mask, you get to see my true character. I can be goofy and care way too much about mindless activities like sports and video games, going deeper you find a caring friend. I only show these different expressions to people I trust. While I reserve my mask for strangers, so I don't have to open up to a larger amount of people. Without accepting others I could not laugh or have fun every day. I don't have a smile that looks forced, but something taken candidly without me knowing. An honest representation of myself that I had no knowledge of it happening. So I could not change my appearance, with no screen to project any different feelings. Susan Sontag wrote in her essay In Plato's Cave “Photographs, which fiddle with the scale of the world, themselves get reduced, blown up, cropped, retouched, doctored, tricked out” (4).Sontag wrote this saying that an image that is not genuine loses its original value, which I tried to do the opposite in my self-portrait. If I change anything out of the ordinary, it will change my image for the worse. The goal of my self-portrait was to show an honest version of myself that not that many people have seen. This self-portrait should not be distorted like a photographer that changes the scale. If done correctly, it will show my true self, without bending reality. I was lying in my first picture to the outside world. While my self-portrait shows me without a barrier. My stranger inside of me has left, so now I can be whoever I want to be. I can be sad, happy, or annoyed with no care for others. This choice allows me to decide for myself without thinking of anyone else. I don't have to belong to any group and can be honest. This may be why I put a mask on for people. I would rather lie to them than be honest, so I don't hurt their feelings or make them leave. If I allowed myself to show others myself without the mask, I could be closer with many more people than the few that have made it through my mask. Without worries, I joke around and relax without my anxiety getting the best of me. I present them with someone that cares more and has an opinion on their everyday dilemmas without focusing solely on me. This is something I am working towards, so I can help my friends more. But now I stay sheltered in my mind. I try to make myself better than my family, who set a high standard compared to my brother. I have to be everything he is not. I have to be happy, get a good education and life a normal life without causing them to worry.

But I’m still me, both images may present opposites of my personality and can show two different people to the viewer. Comparing my very similar images shows how masks affect my daily life. It may not be very noticeable but more of a mental change. I shift from hiding behind my mask to my true personality slowly showing itself. It is never an instant switch from one personality to another, but a gradual change. When I feel more comfortable in my skin, I will start acting freer, not being kept down by my feelings.

Works Cited

Sontag, Susan. “In Plato’s Cave.” On Photography, Dell Publishing, 1977, pp. 3-24. Composition Flipped, writing101.net/flip/wp-content/resources/documents/sontag-in-platos-cave.pdf.