Tim Noah

"Whoa, slow down, Tim! We only just met, and I already think you keep severed heads in your closet!"

– Brad Jones, The Cinema Snob.

"He's passionate about himself, in a way like David Carradine is."

– Mike Stoklasa, RedLetterMedia.

Introduction

Tim Noah is an American children's music singer and songwriter from Seattle, Washington, and in the words of Jay Bauman from RedLetterMedia, "a complete failure on every level." Despite this bold claim, Noah received a number of Northwest Regional Emmy awards for his role on KOMO-TV's children's program, How 'Bout That. Also credited to Noah are the 1985 children's stage production In Search of the Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo and the 1989 musical comedy Daredreamer. Despite his history in theater and children's entertainment, most of Noah's career has faded into obscurity, with only In Search of the Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo being featured on many popular online critics' internet shows, such as Stoned Gremlin Productions' The Cinema Snob and RedLetterMedia's Best of the Worst. Aside from these minor critical revivals of Noah's previous works, online users have taken to forums, social media, and YouTube comment sections, sharing their experiences watching his credited works during their childhoods.

Conspiracy Theories

Thanks to the 1985 stage show appearing on the aforementioned Best of the Worst, conspiracy theories have floated about regarding Noah's sinister connection to children's entertainer T-Bone the Clown, Columbian drug kingpin Pablo "Spiral" Escobar, American actor David Carradine, and the suicide of Nirvana front man Kurt Cobain. Supposedly, Kurt Cobain's late wife, American singer and songwriter Courtney Love, who has long been accused of having been responsible for Cobain's shotgun-inflicted suicide, set up an unrecorded phone call with Pablo Escobar, demanding, "get me the most evil clown you can find," unquote. Half a week later, Escobar arranged a private jet flight with T-Bone the Clown, to whom he suggested various ways to dispose of Cobain, including strangulation with a balloon animal or gunfire by his crippled child assistant with a Thompson submachine gun. The scheme was complicated, however, when David Carradine appeared in Seattle to advertise an exercise gimmick scam called Spiral Fitness, grew suspicious of Escobar and T-Bone's interactions, and attempted to thwart their plans by selling them overpriced Spiral Fitness instructional videos, which adds another layer to the theory. Allegedly, Carradine's infamous death via autoerotic asphyxiation was faked by Escobar and T-Bone, his real death having been at the hands of T-Bone, specifically by strangulation with a balloon animal, and as the scene of his death was being disguised to resemble autoerotic asphyxiation, Escobar whispered into Carradine's ear:

"You have loose lips. We're going to make it look like you died masturbating, you sick fuck. You fuck with my money?!"

As for Noah's involvement in the story, a disembodied narrator in In Search of the Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo implores Noah not to look in the closet, and this has been interpreted by internet users as a warning not to stumble upon the dead bodies of Kurt Cobain and David Carradine, implying that the real Wow Wow Wibble Woggle Wazzie Woodle Woo was "a murder scene in Seattle". An alternate interpretation explains that this portion of the stage production is metaphorical, and that this warning was spoken by David Carradine's maid to the authorities after his body was discovered. While the former theory implies Noah's discovery of the two celebrities' corpses and the latter doesn't, both suggest that the story of the play involved their murder scenes somehow, considering Noah is based in Seattle, the same city where Cobain passed away.