Boohbahs

"Look at what I can do!"

– Surely many missing children.

"I remember it started, and I could only see them, like you found down there, with the eyes and horns! They were alive! Hopping! Like, very fast, and hundreds and hundreds! Jumping! LEAPING!"

– Duncan Lamont, Quatermass and the Pit.

Introduction

The Boohbahs are a fictional race of extraterrestrial entities that were first documented in a children's exercise program that began on British TV in 2003. They are man-sized, balloon-like figures with large, glassy eyes, glittering symmetrical markings along their foreheads, and thick, rounded thoraxes that inflate as to grant them their signature flying abilities. They speak in clicks and whistles not dissimilar to those of the Geonosian soldiers from the Star Wars prequel trilogy, save for the fart-like noises they produce when floating about. They were originally designed this way to both resemble charged atoms and discourage obesity in preschool children, and the series lasted one hundred episodes teaching them about spatial awareness, motor skills, and puzzle solving while simultaneously traumatizing them.

Since the show was cancelled, Boohbahs have established a negative presence in the Burkehead Realm as an invasive species, fluttering about and trying to coerce young children and infantile adults into "squeezing" them. Because of their strange, grotesque, and just plain annoying behaviors, DeviantArt users have taken to fetishizing them through various fan art, which has only further damaged their image throughout the internet and the general public. Because of humans' refusal to "squeeze" and "bounce with" them, many Boohbahs—the Zing Zing Zingbahs being the most bloodthirsty and psychopathic subspecies—have developed violent tendencies, oftentimes attempting to murder humans by electrification by stuffing them into their "charging pods".

Subspecies

The British children's show that acted as the birthplace of the Boohbahs established five different subspecies, all of which differ through the colors of their skin and balloon-like thoraxes, as well as in their personality traits. Each subspecies will be ordered below on a scale of unpredictability, as some subspecies are more manipulative and depraved than others.

Jingbah — This is generally known as the "Pink Boohbah" due to its skin and thorax color. It is usually considered to be the calmest, most subdued, and most understanding of the Boohbah subspecies due to its dominance of female hormones over male hormones and significantly lower libido index. They are relatively open to communication and will float away with a quick "no thank you" or "fuck off".

Humbah — This is generally known as the "Yellow Boohbah" due to its skin and thorax color. It is considered to be dumber and more persistent with its strange demands than the Jingbahs, but should a human in any age bracket say "no" enough times or smack it across the face once or twice, it will usually float away without further incident or annoyance.

Zumbah — This is generally known as the "Purple Boohbah" due to its skin and thorax color. It is far more self-centered and passionate than the previous Boohbah subspecies and has a much higher libido index. However, any bloody or awkward incidents can easily be avoided by showering it with enough compliments about its appearance. Don't even fucking think about insulting it, though.

Jumbah — This is generally known as the "Blue Boohbah" due to its skin and thorax color. It has a heavy dominance of male hormones over female hormones, giving it the attitude, intelligence, and persistence of a pubescent teenage boy. Repeated shouts of "no!" and hasty retreats are the only ways to avoid this Boohbah subspecies, as it simply takes way too much pleasure out of being "squeezed". The one thing to be grateful for here is that it's not Zing Zing Zingbah.

Zing Zing Zingbah — This is generally known as the "Orange Boohbah" due to its skin and thorax color. Zing Zing Zingbah has little to no control over its sexual urges, has twistedly violent tendencies, and is driven by a bloated ego and the thrill of the hunt. It is considered to be extremely dangerous and can only be avoided through hasty retreats, self-defense, or "squeezing" it as a last resort. Plans to eradicate all Zing Zing Zingbahs from the Burkehead Realm have been in the works since late 2021 due to its "shocking" killing methods, lack of remorse, and sexual deviance.