Kyu Sugardust

"Kyu's a funnier character than we've ever had."

– George Lucas, lead director of HuniePot Studios.

"If I had time and a hammer, I'd bust her smug, filthy little face open."

– George Lucas... I mean, Samuel Burke.

"Hey, dude, Kyu's fuckin' hot. She's got super big boobs, right? Right? I think so. Maybe. Kind of. I'm not exactly sure yet."

– Anonymous internet user.

Introduction

Kyu Herbert Sugardust is a biologically immortal love fairy from the parellel universe V-World Matrix, a realm run by the less-than-scrupulous Ron Ford and defined by sexual desire and low-budget filmmaking. She is the sworn arch-nemesis of Samuel Burke and Dr. Gregory House, as well as a minor foe of Batman, despite having a positive reputation in her home realm as a relationship expert and underground madam. She's regularly considered as cute, charming, hip, intelligent, and sexy in V-World Matrix—a land where middle-aged losers exchange gunfire with female androids to the sound of low-quality metal music—while, in Burke's parellel universe just outside the limits of the ElectroVerse, the Burkehead Realm, she's referred to as the "pink demon", an emotionally manipulative monster who uses charm, childlike giggles, and cheap compliments to blind her partners and clients to her racism, misogyny, forced colloquialisms, and insults to their intelligence. She currently resides in the Anime Hatred sector of the Burkehead Realm and is trapped in an endless time loop, in which she's brutally tortured, mutilated, revived, and then forced to endure the same levels of pain and agony for eternity.

Origins

Sugardust was generated as a living entity in the Red Light sector of V-World Matrix in 2012, upon the release of a critically acclaimed anime dating simulator called HuniePop—alternatively known as HunieSchlock, HunieSlop, MunieShot, and FunieNot in the Burkehead Realm—as was her condescending personality and significant role in the prostitution business of the Red Light sector. In her home realm, as well as in HuniePop, Sugardust works part-time as a relationship expert, calling lonely internet nerds "pathetic retards" when not calling stylish pimps "pathetic retards" on the side. She identifies these nerds' degrees of "pathetic retardation" before forcing them on fake dates against their will and presenting them with long, rambling spiels about how to play a poorly constructed Candy Crush and Bejeweled ripoff. She then offers them several places to begin dating "broads", as she describes them, encouraging them to flirt with spoiled, verbally abusive yuppies, make racist comments to the faces of stressed Asian schoolteachers, and receive sexually explicit text messages from underaged girls. Despite its insensitive content, terrible dating advice, and total lack of humanity, HuniePop was universally acclaimed upon release, being popularized by YouTube gaming celebrities and Burkehead Realm outcasts such as Markiplier and JackSepticEye, and prompting the release of a sequel, HuniePop 2: Double Date—commonly dubbed HuniePop 2: Double Down by Neil Breen in the Burkehead Realm—in late 2020.

Controversy and Rivalry with Samuel Burke

Although they'd attracted some questionable popularity since their not-so-humble beginnings, HuniePop and Sugardust specifically came under fire by multiple organizations, including Valve, Inc., the creators of the Steam gaming service, and virtually everyone in the Burkehead Realm, save for a hefty percentage of bigoted and easily impressionable manchildren in the population. In the complicated but overly resented universe known as Reality, Valve, Inc. sent a formal warning to the developers of HuniePop by email regarding the game's explicit and offensive material, demanding that the content be censored as to avoid the game being permanently removed from the Steam store. This resulted in the ill-conceived official Kyu Sugardust Twitter page making an announcement on the matter and angry neckbeards renouncing Valve and their warning. In response, Valve apologized publicly and ceased all attempted censorship on similar visual novel games, leading to the release of HuniePop 2 in celebration.

Within Reality and the Burkhead Realm, Samuel Burke once took great interest in HuniePop as a teenager following his relocation to Duxbury, Massachusetts. However, as development continued on his superhero comic series ElectroNuke, his feelings towards the game grew increasingly bitter, and his resentment towards Kyu, her manipulative behavior, and her fellow cast members only strengthened as he transitioned into his young adult years. In his own words from 2021...

"Kyu never seems like she's just out to help you—in terms of tutorial characters in video games, she's no Omochao from Sonic. After insulting your intelligence to your face and saying some of the most bluntly revolting comments imaginable—not to mention her pathetic ongoing attempts to sound cool, such as the usage of phrases like "dude, bruh"—she dusts it all off with compliments and cute giggles, which is enough for any ordinarily gullible player to buy into. For a dumb fictional character, she's literally the worst type of woman out there, and that makes her unequivocally the worst character ever."

On his YouTube video game modding channel, ElectroNuke Mods, a playlist emerged in 2020 of gameplay videos featuring Dr. Gregory House, M.D., from the hit television drama series House M.D., and Sugardust modded into games from the Grand Theft Auto and Batman: Arkham franchises duking it out, usually villainizing Sugardust and ending with her violent defeat. In the Burkehead Realm, he faced a barrage of hateful comments on each of these videos by Sugardust herself, including one self-pity-driven rant just two months after the playlist was made:

"Wow. You're, like, way worse than any of my clients, and I've met some sad, sad bozos. Who says bozos anymore? Whatever. You're stupid. I won't bother staying up to date for you. I've pulled my cute little heart out for gamers everywhere, and you're just pumping this pathetic shit out, hoping someone'll agree with you. Delete this shit or I'm gonna make your whole life hell—if I haven't already, which sure seems to be the case."

In response to this, Burke simply quoted a line from the season two episode of SpongeBob SquarePants titled, "Wormy".

"Sorry. I don't speak Italian."

Sugardust never responded to this in the comment section, but five days after this exchange, Burke answered a furious knock at his door, only to be blinded with a plastic Stop & Shop bag and chloroform by two of Sugardust's fellow HuniePop cast members, Audrey Holmes and Tiffany Kingsley. He was tossed in the back of a rickety silver van with who he believed to be the similarly bound and gagged British actor of Dr. House, Hugh Lorie. Both were carried into Sugardust's fairy mansion and routinely beaten, and while left alone, the two deviated a tedious escape plan that involved the cutting of their binds with the help of Kingsley's arts-and-crafts scissors and the curb-stomping of Holmes' self-absorbent ass. Upon their escape, Lorie identified himself as Dr. House himself, and the two parted ways, but in Burke's mind, he and Sugardust were less than even.