Nurturing Hope

by Leigh Anne Jasheway

A lot of my friends, a lot of your friends too, are feeling hopeless. They are beaten down, disbelieving, or resigned to accepting a world that does not match where they thought they were living even just a few short months ago.

If you don’t know me personally, you may not know that I am irrepressible hope FULL. I wasn’t born that way, but having been knocked down and beaten up by life, I decided long ago that I would always try to find a way to plant hope, to water the seeds, and to be grateful when it sprouted -- even if it had to make its way through the cracks in the concrete.

On the chance that it may help you or someone you know who is struggling, here are some of my tips for nurturing hope even when it seems useless or impossible.

1. Start each morning by bringing your attention to something you are looking forward to as the day begins. It doesn’t have to be big -- playing with your dog, feeding your child, reading the next chapter in a book you set aside the night before... Revel in the joy of being allowed another day to do that one thing that you enjoy.

2. End each day by listing everything that is right and good in your world. Do it every night as you’re falling asleep. Include everything for which you are grateful down to the bed you are lying in.

3. Plant the seeds of friendship with people who bring a smile to your heart. There is a type of laughter called “Duchenne laughter,” which refers to heart-based laughter. This doesn’t come from finding anything funny (although your close friends should definitely make you laugh), but simply from the sheer joy of knowing someone and being known by them deeply and completely.

4. Do something every day that does not directly benefit you, your family, or your friends. Even the smallest of actions, from a five-minute conversation with someone who needs human contact, to calling the politicians whom you helped elect to discuss important issues, to choosing to buy your vegetables from local farmers rather than big box stores, not only makes a difference in the lives of others, it changes who you are and how you feel. We are all connected and there is no easier way to understand that than to reach out. There’s a reason you feel good when you do good.

5. Remind yourself of your resilience. None of us has gotten here without struggle and overcoming obstacles. When things seem darkest, think back to another similar time and remember what skills you used to survive and thrive.

6. Be careful what you feed your heart. If you seem addicted to bad news, do whatever it takes to break the spell. Go outside (yes, even if it’s cold and snowy). Unplug. Exercise. Laugh. Sing. Dance. Call your friends (don’t text them; hearing their voices and being able to make each other laugh is part of the process). Avoid starting or ending your day with bad news. Instead find something that makes your soul sing and bookend your day with that.

7. Let those who are doing the heavy lifting of changing the world for the better know that you admire and support them. Like their posts. Write messages showing how you feel. Buy greeting cards and mail them. When you encourage hope and commitment in others, you do the same in yourself.

8. Learn to focus. Too much bad news not only divides us as people, it divides our attention. When someone speaks, be present in your listening. When music plays, commit yourself to the dance. When nature calls, commit yourself to being fully immersed. Do one thing at a time as much as possible.

9. Remember that while love may trump hate, it doesn’t do so without action. Only when love is an action verb do things change for the better. Times such as these require us to step up and do things in the name of love that may make us uncomfortable. We must learn to ignore the ego voices that tell us we’re not well-spoken or well-read or strong enough to step up. If you feel that way, practice your speeches, read more and more deeply, and test your strength by stepping in and helping others even when you are afraid.

10. Have fun. There’s a reason women are enthusiastically embracing the pink pussy caps for the Women’s March in cities all across the U.S. on January 21. It reminds us that we can experience joy and hope even while we’re doing heavy lifting. We’ve taken words that traumatized so many of us and turned them into our superhero costume. If you’ve forgotten how to bring the joy to everyday life, study a 4-year-old, a dog, a cat, or anyone who embodies the joy of life.

Hope is vital to life itself. The more we can generate in our own lives, the more it sparks a chain reaction in the world around us.