Editing

As a creative writer myself, I know exactly what kind of developmental editing feedback you need to make your story come to life.

Here are some example of developmental editing feedback I've given to authors.

On Setting

Setting isn't just stage dressing for your action. Everything you describe is an opportunity to establish tone and themes.

Start your scene with the river. Describe Asra's reflection wavering to establish his character being in an unstable place. Have the reflection shattered when he throws his tankard or when Grisel throws a rock.

On Description

"High pitched" is a disembodied, technical description of sound wave frequency. It's completely divorced from both your setting and you characters.

Every moment in your story is a chance to reveal character. "A hunched figure lurched into Asra's field of view but he didn't look. Grisel, his (assistant?) gave a plaintive, grating squeal that reminded him of his little sister," etc.

Specific Edits

"With Preston gone, Bohdan emerged from the open space in the back of the pub, a bulky man in his fifties with a limp in his stride."

General note on introducing new characters: if you say his name first, the reader wonders if they missed his introduction earlier. I would change this to:

• A bulky man in his fifties with a limp in his stride emerged from the open space in the back of the pub. Preston looked up when he heard the uneven footsteps. "Bodhan. What are you doing here?"

That way, you keep the exposition tightly bound to character's experiences (hearing footsteps, saying names, etc.).

"He watched Edwin sulk."

I find using verbs like "sulk" to be less impactful than just describing exactly what he's doing.

• Edwin's left palm, which had been propped under his chin, was now slowly slipping past his ear towards the side of his bed-messed head of oily hair. His eyes were half-closed, more from a yawning nothingness of mind than any identifiable emotion. Bohdan swung his meaty hand and clapped him on the shoulder, jolting him upright with surprise. "Don't sulk! It's bad for your spirit."