Qualifications & Responsibilities

Bachelors degree in Education and/or the subject area you wish to teach

Must be able to pass a thorough background check and drug test

Expensive and timely certification process, that you'll pay for out-of-pocket

• Please note: apply early!! The Department of Education is currently on a 3 month wait.

Ability to take and pass three costly, timed tests, paid for by the applicant

• If seeking alternative certification, be prepared to enroll in, pay for, and pass at least two years' worth of additional classes

Create & implement your own curriculum using outdated textbooks and software, or no resources at all

Update grades in a timely manner while providing meaningful feedback for all 150+ of your students

Closely monitor, accommodate, and document accommodations provided for students with special needs and emotional/behavioral disorders, despite not being a child psychologist or receiving adequate training regarding the child's disorder

Hold students accountable while simultaneously not holding students accountable (documentation required)

Notify parents immediately when students have failing grades, despite parents having unlimited 24/7 access to their child's records

Administer fair and balanced disciplinary actions towards students, while receiving zero backup from administration

Must be willing to attend continuous professional development sessions and updated policy trainings (offered during your planning periods and school breaks) to earn points towards recertification every five years

• Please note: recertification has additional associated fees (paid for by the applicant)

Integrate technological tools and digital equipment into your curriculum, while creating contingency plans for when the internet goes out or the technology malfunctions

Lead a hybrid classroom, servicing both physical students and digital students simultaneously

Required to serve before and after school duty, such as waving cars through the traffic line or preventing stairwell parkour

Attend to the emotional needs and wellbeing of every student

Mandatory reporting to the Department of Children and Families at the first sign of neglect or abuse

Respond to parent emails within 24 hours of receiving them, despite how mentally unstable or disrespectful they are

Create hands-on experiences for students while paying for your own classroom materials, tangibles, and consumables

Ability to handle the phrase "but you have summers off" stated by every person you meet

Complete at least 300 pages of meaningless forms per quarter that take time away from your ability to actually teach

Attend biweekly therapy sessions and/or take prescription drugs to manage crippling anxiety, stress and depression caused by your overwhelming workload

Must be able to protect the lives of at least 25 children by barricading your door and/or leading them to safety in the event of a code red

Withstand countless negative stories in the news about teachers and schools

Be able and willing to administer field medical treatment, such as a tourniquet, without adequate training or having the equipment provided to you

Must be able to lift 60 pounds