2025

A new Journey

Dating at 38

Dating at 38 as a lesbian

Dating at 38, as a full blown lesbian, with a sex addiction.

Dating at 38, as a full blown lesbian, with a sex addiction, that comes with trauma.

Dating as a full blown lesbian, with a sex addiction, that comes with trauma, and trust issues is hard as hell.

And if you never experienced any of these things I don’t expect you to understand nor relate. Nor do I take it personal when I’m misunderstood. I’ve learned some journeys you will walk alone. And i am ok with that.

Realistically I don’t think any woman wants to be single. Society teaches us that women who are pretty but single at 38 is a red flag and a flaw. So much negativity is assumed about single women. It almost makes you not want to tell people your single to avoid the awkward questions. Like why are you single? When are you going to settle down? Are you being to picky?

Blah

Blah,Blah

Because being single is not the end of the world. I see it as a green flag. There’s so much power in a woman who knows her worth and won’t settle for less. Some of us have been through to much, to wanna deal with it our grown age. Being single at 38 makes me realize there’s more to relationships than sex.

Not saying sex is not an important part of a relationship, but it shouldn’t be the only thing that makes a ship sail. And for me sex has ruined alot of ships I stepped on.

And yes it took till me 38 to understand my own trust issues mixed with unhealed trauma contributed to my fail love.

Can’t blame them without taking accountability for my part in it. I could have communicated instead of hiding it with sex. There may have been times I could have been more vulnerable. But instead I choose to express myself sexual. And after the sex was gone maybe I could have tried harder to stick around.

I see that now as I continue my celibacy journey and date intentionally.

to be contiued

Day 500;I made it

Day 500

500 Days celibate and I am Proud, Happy, Grateful,Blessed, Anxious, Grieving, Faithful, Fearful, Blue balls, Control, Powerful, Sober, Growing, Working, and Brave.

I feel all of those things and maybe some more. 500 days of no sex, no entertaining temporary spirits, no situationships, no being lovebombed, putting me first, worrying about me, focused on me, being intentional, being mindful, and protecting my energy. The longest ive went without giving in to temptation and controlling my sexual spirit.

My re-re-re grand closing has been a tough one. I thought the last journey was going to be the longest. I thought I was ready for the last stituationship. I never thought i’d have to start another celibacy tour, but I did. I did it for me and to figure out why I keep running into dead ends. Sometimes a timeout will help you figure some stuff out.

Time really helped me understand what it is I wanted from life. Not only in my dating life but in my life as well. It hasn't been a smooth ride this journey. I’ve cried more than I laughed, second guessed myself, isolated my feelings, and struggled with regret. But I got through it. Kept going and growing while blocking those head monsters with vegan in their bookbag.

It was hard but I said alot of no’s within these 500 days with no regrets. One thing I appreciate about this celibacy journey is being able to fight through my temptations and saying NO. No matter how good the Yes may have looked, sounded, or what they promised; I fought through it. I said no and kept my good cat with superb tricks to myself.

A few almost/close calls but im sooooooooo glad i never crossed the line. I didn't waste my time or energy in places that were probably not good for me. Day 500 and still going. My goal is to stay on this journey until Black Jesus gives me what i truly want, what my heart deserves, and nothing temporary.

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